SPANK!

We recently went to see Spank! The Fifty Shades Parody, and I'm so anxious to tell you all about it.

I bought the tickets online as soon as I saw the advertisement - after getting Ron's permission, of course. I was quite excited at first, but as the date of the performance drew closer I wondered if we might not enjoy it, not having read the book. I started reading it, but only got half way through before the show. Ron declined to read any of it.

When we arrived at the theatre, we noticed that the audience was made up mostly of 20 - 30 year-old women, in small and large groups. There were a few older ones like me, and very few men (I counted 16 out of maybe 500 patrons). We didn't see anyone we knew, but then, we stayed in our seats during the intermission to avoid the possibility.

The atmosphere was electric and the audience seemed very keyed up. Women were taking pictures of each other and chattering excitedly. The pre-performance and intermission techno music was way too loud, and the audience was even louder since you had to shout to be heard. It was more like an evening in a club than at the theatre.

The show consisted of three characters, no set and very few props. The first character was a housewife who - after sending her husband and children away for the weekend - was writing a romantic novel using the pen name E.B. Janet. Her characters - the innocent Tasha Woode and the handsome yet kinky Hugh Hanson - came to life as she wrote. Sometimes, when she had gone a bit too far in her fantasy, they would refuse to go through with what she had written and she would have to rewrite.

The significant features of the 50 Shades of Grey book were parodied, including the overly-effusive descriptions of sex, the overpowering effect Christian has on women, the strange documents and contracts he insists on, his wealth, and Anastasia's clumsiness, beauty and total innocence.

For example, in the book, Christian flies Ana to dinner in another city in his private helicopter. In the show, not only do Hugh and Tasha take the helicopter, but also a hovercraft, and finally jet packs.

There is also a brief mention of the first Twilight book, which 50 Shades is based on. E.B. Janet has her two characters running through the forest at the speed of light, playing vampire baseball, and sparkling in the sunlight. Then she deletes it, saying it's far too silly.

Another good scene came when Hugh takes Tasha home to meet his family. Apparently everyone in the entire family is exceptionally good-looking and everyone looks alike. (I haven't reached this part in the book yet.) Tasha gets increasingly confused as she strikes up a conversation with Hugh's mother, only to find out it's his father. Similarly, when she speaks to his brother it turns out that it's actually his sister.

The performance was extremely entertaining, and the actors were very talented singers and dancers. We both laughed a lot. Ron enjoyed it even though he hadn't read the book. It was very raunchy and sexually explicit, but luckily there were no children in the audience. The funniest moments were when Tasha came down into the audience twice - once in each act - to innocently ask audience members for advice about sex. We were both glad I hadn't chosen seats in the front row. The actors also made at least a dozen references to our city: the transit system, the weather, the university and nearby towns. This was no mean feat for a touring company performing in a different location each night.

Was there any spanking? No. One of the few props was a riding crop, but it didn't actually get used. Hugh sang an extremely funny song that ended with the line "I can paddle you forever, you can be my sex canoe,"  and several of the songs included references to spanking and bondage. There was also the small matter of anal sex, which Tasha repeatedly refused to have anything to do with.

The bottom line is, if you have the opportunity to see the show, by all means go. It's still on tour in North America. To further whet your appetite, here's the official trailer.





The hardware store scene from the show.