So Long, Farewell!

I've certainly had enough of 2021. It wasn't any better than 2020; in fact, it was worse. Let's hope 2022 sees an end to COVID (although I wouldn't count on it) and more harmonious relations among our warring factions friends south of the border (I wouldn't count on that either).

I'm not a happy camper at the moment. Neither of the two games I play daily on my iPad are working. Due to recent updates, one does not work at all and the other crashes after 1-2 minutes of play. Tech support ranges from sympathetic (we're working on it) to silent (developers are on holiday). I'm having to fill in my game time with things like housework and reading one of the many unread books in our library. The puppy is delighted with all the attention he gets from me, so it's not all bad.

Our New Year's Eve celebration will be cheese fondue with bread and ham cubes and lightly-steamed broccoli and cauliflower. Then we'll watch some National Lampoon movies I recorded last week, and toast the new year with prosecco.

See you all next year for a very special brunch.

Recap: Spanko Brunch 2.0 for December 26

Did you give or receive spanking-themed gifts or holiday spankings?

Roz: My answer is rather boring I'm afraid. No spanking related gifts and no spanking this year.

Anon 1: No spanking gifts. But we will follow through with our spanking tradition of my getting 12 strokes of the switch today. We have a small stand of bamboo in the backyard and I'll walk out naked and cut a long thin flexible green shoot and bring it to HOH for her to lay the 12 evenly spaced raised purple welts on my bare posteriors that will leave me unable to sit for the rest of the year. 

Jack: Prior to going to my mother-in-law for Christmas dinner, was reminded to behave, no arguments, (my mother-in-law is outspoken), and just for a reminder and to ensure I behave was given a spanking, bare bottom, hand only. My wife in the past has spanked me at her mother's, which her mother agrees totally. So I work hard to be on my best behavior.

KDPierre: No. No time for any of that, and little privacy with a holiday house full of kids returned for Christmas. Even though it is not a huge issue, we are at a point where a little more privacy helps us get in the mood. And my leg is still wrapped from surgery and not fully healed. But it's OK, since I'm not really in the right frame of mind for any of that anyway. Maybe in a week or so?

Anon 2: 100% vanilla flavored this year...unfortunately!

Rosco: Yes. Irene bought a few things - some light bondage stuff and one of those ridiculous schoolgirl outfits in XL. In our role play, I’m often caught peeking in the girls’ gym or up skirts and part of my punishment is to be dressed as a girl before being spanked. It’s both a turn on for me but also makes me feel really silly, especially when she makes me twirl and look at myself in the mirror.

I haven’t worn it yet. Houseguests leave Tuesday. I’m expecting to be thoroughly thrashed and deliciously humiliated.

Jeanie: I was determined not to feel down this holiday, so prepared a regimen of self-care. After I returned home from an early afternoon Christmas dinner with a few vanilla friends, I lit candles and drew a hot bubble bath. I shaved the areas of my body that needed it to feel fully feminine. I have a large Tupperware spatula that really stings when applied to a wet bottom. I alternated giving myself the hardest sets of spanks I could manage with self-pleasure. I have a flock of different sized rubber duckies. I used one fore and aft until I felt sated. I kept reheating the water & stayed in there until I was getting "prune-y." Then I toweled-off and went to my boudoir, also candle-lit. On my big bed, I alternated between the use of two vibrators and the trusty hairbrush for doses of pleasure and motivational sessions of pain. I slept really soundly for a change. I don't know whether it was the heat of the bath or the intensity of the hairbrush or everything combined, but I'm vividly bruised and sore today. I'm sipping a glass of wine right now and I bet before this day is done I will have revisited the employment of those vibes and a paddle or belt or two.

Wasn't there a Woodstock-era song with the lyric, "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with"? That's my attitude at present.

 

Prefectdt: Sorry, no spanking related gifts or activities this year. But that is no different from any other Christmas for me.

A.J.: Don't want to see spanking related gifts anywhere. Too private and I'm hand give and take only, so no need for any related "gifts".

Only thing I dreamed (only) about was getting a birthday spanking in mid-December. I know someone I can ask but don't know what to tell her if she asks how old I am. What number do you think should I throw out? (Hermione!!! Anther brunch question?)

 

Bonnie: It's not exactly a gift, but Randy replaced the cuffs on our spanking bench. We had to test them, of course, and the new ones are definitely more comfortable!

 

 Barrel: Oh, I only wish, but nope. Travel to see/care for family this year resulted in a non-Christmas for the two of us. Our desire and resolve will prevail…next year…which is only 5 days away!!!

 

Wendel: No spanking related gifts this year. We did do “spanking under the mistletoe” and our back seats glowed like Rudolph’s nose.
 

Merry Christmas to all. 

 

Ronnie: No spanking related gifts and no spankings but I'm sure once we have the house to ourselves I'll get one:)

Fondles: BIKSS and spankings are pretty much the last things on my mind at Christmastime. For two years now I've had to deal with the Christmas Eve dinner from hell at the sister's house. (Covid restrictions have made it impossible for me to host like I usually do - since her family is the largest, we all go there instead cos there's a limit on how many people can visit etc etc.)

The only way I recover from the nightmare is to host a small group of my nearest and dearest girlfriends the weekend after - usually to decompress and for everyone to grumble about all the horrible obligatory dinners / lunches with family we'd rather not spend time with. 

 

Mark: No spanking gifts unfortunately. We have the kids home and so I had no expectations of any spanking, however a couple of days before Christmas my wife ordered me to the bedroom and told me to bend over (with the kids immediately upstairs). She gave me a couple of very sharp cracks with the new paddle and warned that there is more coming.

 

Enzo: No activities pre- or day of Christmas. It was an extra quiet holiday. I did however gift myself some new wooden instruments - a brush, a bath brush, and a small paddle. Looking forward to using them soon.

Hermione: Besides some lovely jewelry, Ron gave me something he had lovingly hand crafted - a switch! It's a long, straight branch that he found in the yard, trimmed and sprayed with polyurethane, with a loop on the end for hanging it up. Since Christmas fell on our regularly-scheduled spanking day, and COVID kept the family away, Ron had the opportunity to try it out. Boy, does that thing sting! But luckily I had one of the presents my neighbour gave me. In a bag filled with face and hand creams and scented soap was a tube of pain relief cream. How thoughtful of her.

Happy holidays, everyone!

Spanko Brunch 2.0 #415

The carols have been sung, the crackers have been pulled, and the turkey leftovers are in the fridge. It's time to relax and discuss this year's festivities.

Did you get any spanking-themed presents this year? Was spanking a part of your celebration, or did it take a back seat to other obligations? 

When you get a chance, please leave your response as a comment. Once everyone has had a chance to speak I will publish an edited summary of our conversation.

Merry Christmas

From our home to yours...

Enjoy today with friends, family and Facebook, but you are all welcome to join me for a Boxing Day brunch.

Christmas Memories IV

It's Christmas Eve. All through my childhood we opened prsents on Christmas Eve, so the day itself was never very special. This ties in nicely with the no Santa upbringing, and my mother always said she was too anxious to wait until morning for her presents. When I got married, the habit continued, because it was a European tradition that his family carried on. Then when Ron and I got together, we celebrated on Christmas Eve with our mothers because he had to go to his ex's house bright and early to watch his son open presents. It wasn't until son was grown up that the two of us actually had a real Christmas morning together.

 

Christmas Memories III

Music has always been a big part of Christmas for me. I don't mean the secular stuff that you hear in the mall or the supermarket. I mean the English cathedral traditional kind. I love to sing the familiar carols as well as the seldom heard but musically delightful anthems. Ron often torments me by putting on Burl Ives' "Holly Jolly Christmas". Thanks to covid I won't be joining in the singing of any of my favourites, but Youtube has English men and boys' choirs aplenty for me to enjoy.

 

Christmas Memories II

Lights are a big part of the Christmas decorations I have had throughout my life. My grandmother had sets of electric candles in all the front windows of her home, and I now have similar sets in our street-facing windows. When I was small, the lights on the tree were quite large, and there were also some very special ones that were bubbling glass tubes. Our lights are tiny now, and blue - my favourite.

Outside we have a lighted sleigh and one reindeer, as well as white lights around two cedars and blue ones framing the bay window. There's also a laser projector that makes green snowflakes dance on the outside of our house.

I love lights, but I don't think I'd appreciate living next door to this house, even though I'm a big Queen fan.

Christmas Memories I

Santa Claus doesn't have much meaning for me, and isn't a part of my Christmas memories.You see, I was never told about Santa. My mother wanted me to know that all the good things under the tree came from her. This was before the age of television, so I wasn't exposed to any jolly old saint stuff. It wasn't until I went to kindergarten and came home asking who Santa was that I found out about the myth. 

My Christmas decorations never included a Santa until I told Ron's son I didn't have any, and he gave me a tiny porcelain one that year. Since then we have acquired two more very nice resin ones that sit on our mantle, and a huge St. Nicholas that our neighbour gave us. (She constantly says thing like "Santa is coming" and "What did Santa bring you?" Cut it out; we are adults.)

Anyway, for those of you who are party to the cult of Santa, here are a few chuckles.

Ho ho ho to you too!

Recap: Spanko Brunch 2.0 for December 19

What advice would you give to a spanko entering the dating scene?

Bonnie: I have no relevant experience to share, but in this pandemic world, a virtual approach seems like a good way to start.

Wendel: I would think the online might be better. There may be keywords that tip off interests in spanking. Either way just be yourself and honest. 

Roz: Hi Hermione, oh yum, I'll have some cookies please.

Tough question, I'm really not sure what advice I would give. Perhaps online would be a good start. That way you can look for someone straight away who shares an interest in spanking. As for when to broach the subject, maybe it depends on how much the other person also being into spanking or not would be a deal breaker.

Jeanie: I look forward to what others might post here on this week's topic. It speaks to me & my situation. I'm vaccinated & boosted, but this virus has shut down my love/spanking life! I've tried Fetlife.com. with no success. Has anyone heard of a site called suborDom.com.? It was just recommended, but I haven't been able to log-on yet. I'd REALLY like any good advice anyone can offer.

Spanking would HAVE to be an integral part of any meaningful relationship with me, so if I meet someone via a vanilla channel, I usual start inquiring about their "interests" on the second date. I'm curious what others think about this, too!

Fondles: I think these days there are very few opportunities for the traditional in-person method. It is likely that a large number of people will be exploring online options more than IRL ones, spanko or otherwise.

I have not brought up spanking in any of the chats I've engaged it, altho I might have talked about BDSM or Dom/sub a little bit to gauge the other person's knowledge / feelings of it. I guess I would say wait until after the first couple of dates before bringing it up cautiously.

Jack: I was looking for a woman who would be the lead in the marriage. There were times especially after sex would be asked what I was thinking or what I want. It got to the point that I best not bring up spankings, relationships ended fast. I soon found myself dating older women, I in my 20's, they mid 50's. When it came to that part of the relationship they were more opened, understanding, not saying they were into it, but more retrospective, understanding. Bea, was the one who understood, it was after sex, laying in bed, she said, her terms, and said it had crossed her mind, my behavior, attitude, I just was asked, to accept or not. I said yes, she smiled, and said remember I decide. 

It was a month later, we had just visited her best friend and back at her apartment, she said to go to my place, and said she was upset with me and needed time to calm down. She finally came to the apartment, asked if I remember what I agree to, I said yes. Well let's say the spanking was more than I thought it would be, but afterwards, it was what I needed. We dated for another year or so, she then introduced a girl my age, nothing about spankings was mentioned, I thought. 

I kept in touch with Bea, since this person was a good friend. I recall one visit,  a couple of  months after meeting this person, Bea looked at me and smiled, said do you wish a pillow to sit on. I had been given a very sound spanking and part of the punishment was to visit Bea. We got married, Bea's gift was a bath brush, and I got what I needed and more. It is a windy, tricky road, but it you wish for something hard enough it will come true and you will find that person. 

Prefectdt: These days, I think that online is the way to go, but I would not do it through a vanilla dating site, so I never have. Perhaps there are spankos that have hooked up through a vanilla site, that would be worth reading about. In pre-internet days, I did have a little success with local paper adverts, but in those days there were recognized code phrases that you could drop into an ad. Such as "Must be strictly English" usually put into the ad after a statement that you were open to advances from people who are of different racial and cultural backgrounds than yourself. Would anyone recognize those codes now? Is there a new set of codes that I don't know about? Codes would be useful now, they used to be.

Rosco: I would say I was looking for someone interesting and enthusiastic about life, adventurous and open-minded - and leave out anything overtly sexual or spanking oriented.

If people like each other, they’ll be motivated to try to be sexually compatible. Maybe it’ll work and maybe it won’t. My wife of 39 years would never have responded to an initial inquiry about spanking, but she is very much into giving me the discipline I need now.

Relationship first, spanking second (or third).

Ronnie: I don't have any experience in this but as other have said, think online would be a good way to start.

A.J.: Just find a terrific person and forget the spanking stuff. It may happen and it may not, but don’t lose a great person for this.

Barrel: I’m the wrong person to ask as I’ve been in a relationship/marriage with my lover for over 45 years. While I try to stay current with options and trends, there are others far more qualified to answer this than I. However, I value the connection capability on line. I am a believer that face to face is the best meaningful way to get to know anybody, for anything. While it may be a bit of a delicate dance, enjoy each move. 

Enzo: As someone who has been dating for the past few years with this specific search criteria, I could write quite a bit about this. LOL

Online dating has become the go-to method these days and the best bet for dating regardless of if you are searching for another spanko or someone vanilla.

I’ve had some luck finding like-minded women on the vanilla dating sites actually. I have dropped in a subtle but key word into my profile that someone in the know would recognize. That can serve as the ice breaker after a few text exchanges. I do not list explicit or direct titles or phrases. That might work for some, but also comes across as arrogant in my opinion.

My advice to women seeking a spanking partner is the same advice I would give to any women who doesn’t share these preferences, but is looking for any online date. Be very careful! and take it SLOW!
I have met quite a few women who upon meeting some one like-minded let their guard down and started taking chances that can be dangerous. I’ve heard some unfortunate stories as well.

My advice to men seeking a spanking partner is the same regardless of what they are looking for in a date - Don’t be a creep! Respect women and also take it SLOW!

Hermione: I would hate to be in the position of having to find a new spanking partner. In the before times (pre-covid) I would have said meeting someone with common interests at work or a recreational activity was a good way to start. If there is a spark of mutual attraction, then approach the subject cautiously. But in the dangerous world of today, online seems to be the only way, although it can be dangerous in its own way.

KDPierre: My only advice is that if this important enough to you to be reading blogs like this and others, make sure you DO have that conversation at some point. The fact is, and I do mean FACT......is that there is quite likely someone out there perfect for you who ALSO shares this interest. Ignore the interest in favor of other factors and you'll likely regret it at some point. I also think this is an easier subject to broach now, in 2021 than it was in say, 1980.

Thank you all for sharing your advice.

Spanko Brunch 2.0 #414

I've been baking this week: butter tart squares with dried cranberries, shortbread cookies, and chocolate drop cookies that include crumbled pieces of shortbread. I made some gingerbread cookies especially for you while we consider the topic that Bonnie suggested for this week.

What advice would you give to a spanko who is entering the dating scene? Would you suggest using online dating, or the traditional in-person method? How soon would you bring up the subject?

I'm going to have to think hard about my answer, and I can't wait to see what you suggest. Please leave your response as a comment, and I will publish an edited summary of our discussion after I have washed the baking pans and mopped up the spilled flour.

On the Road

Will you be travelling to visit family or friends during the holidays? If you're going by bus or car, you can pass the time by watching for billboards like these.

 

 

Have a safe journey!

Recap: Spanko Brunch 2.0 for December 12

Let me extend my sincere condolences to the people of Kentucky, whose towns were devastated by an extraordinary tornado. My thoughts and prayers are with you, and all those in the southern US who were affected by this disaster.

Now on to this week's topic. Is it considered cheating if you visit a professional while in a relationship with someone?

Bonnie: I think the answer depends upon the nature of your relationship and the expectations that you have for one another. If you engage in spankings with someone else (amateur or professional), and you do so with your wife's knowledge and acceptance, then I wouldn't consider that cheating (though I would check back periodically to ensure that it's still all right).

Now consider your own feelings and values. If the situation were reversed and your wife wanted to meet with someone else for spankings, would you feel like that is cheating? If so, you may want to rethink your position.

Randy and I consider spanking to be another form of sex. So any spanking outside our marriage would be equivalent to cheating. But that's just what works for us.

Whatever course you select, I encourage you to keep the lines of communication open. If you are sneaking, then you are cheating, even if there is no sex involved.

Dan: I agree with Bonnie. The key issue isn't whether he thinks it's cheating, or whether we think it's cheating -- it's whether his WIFE thinks it's cheating. There was a woman who was a regular poster on my blog whose husband visited a pro without her knowledge. She most definitely considered it cheating.

Wendel: For me it is cheating. Spanking a woman on her bare bottom is an intimate action. The guy is doing something intimate with another woman. I am sure his wife would think it is cheating as well. If he tells and she is ok with her husband touching another woman’s bare bottom then maybe she should just get into spanking. 

KDPierre: Rosa is definitely not vanilla and yet she still lets me play with others with her approval and the key is that she must be consulted beforehand. I think a secret like this is risky and sneaky, but the fact that it is being done begs a further question: if the spanking interest is strong enough in this person to take such a risk, why would it not have been strong enough for him to have pursued a partner/spouse who shared his interest in the first place?

Roz: Some good responses above, I agree with the various points raised and don't know what I can add, except to say spanking is a very intimate act and unless the partner is on board and has knowledge I don't think it's on.

Doug: Given the inherent intimacy of adult spanking, it should be restricted to spousal spankings, F/M or M/F. And I would add, "done privately." 

Mark: It is an interesting dilemma. This is obviously very important to him and unacceptable to his wife. Rock versus Hard Place. Seems to me that he either "cheats" or the marriage is over? If neither then he will resent his wife for the rest of his life.

Rich Person: I agree with others that spanking is a very intimate activity. So, it should be treated like sex. That means he needs to be honest with his wife that he wants to pursue this with other women, given that she is unwilling. If she doesn't want to accept those terms, then he should seek a divorce.

My expectation is that in a monogamous marriage each partner will fulfill the other's sexual needs, either directly or indirectly. It's up to her to either participate in spankings, allow him to go outside their relationship for them, or get divorced. It would be extremely cruel on her part to deny him that part of his sexuality. If you want exclusivity, then you should be willing to provide everything your partner needs in the relationship.

Prefectdt: This is a surprisingly big question and I don't think that broad sweeping statements can answer this. It depends a lot on the relationship dynamic that this guy has with his wife. Otherwise, it is a lot like asking "How long is a piece of string?" Impossible to give an accurate answer, unless you are familiar with that particular piece of string.

Personally, I do not see paying a professional for a spanking is any different from visiting a professional masseuse for a massage. But I am submissive and am not giving the spanking. I have never heard of anyone paying to give a non-sexual massage. So the comparison is not applicable.

Without knowing the couple personally, I do not feel informed enough to give a definitive answer.

Jack: My question is, have both of you sat down and talked about this? There are pros and cons to bring out. It is also why do you wish to be spanked, and why the spanking, foreplay, punishment. I will say as a single person I went to a professional, this woman understood and confirmed I needed to find such a woman. 

Rosco: If you’re not telling your wife, it’s definitely cheating. I couldn’t imagine keeping such a secret, even if I tried.

My suggestion is to talk openly with the vanilla wife, ask her to try a few small things and do things (sexual or otherwise) for in return.

If she’s vanilla, I wonder if he’s licking her pussy. That’s sometime she might more readily learn to enjoy.

Barrel: I agree with the concept it is cheating. But I can’t understand why communication, communication, communication can’t find some common ground, even if it is professional counseling. At least find a starting point from which to build a mutually satisfying sexual relationship. And I might encourage the wife to join our brunches and see the safe, common sense camaraderie we share on a weekly basis. It has certainly helped me accept my submissiveness and sharing that I like to be thrashed regularly. 

KDPierre: After reading more comments I am reminded of the clever poem by John Godfrey Saxe, "The Blind Men and the Elephant". And it seems to me that given the size of an elephant most would likely hit the animal's "broad and sturdy side" just like most people, for whom spanking is sexual all of the time, see it from only that perspective. In the poem it is important to remember that not only is the elephant composed of many parts, but more crucially that no one part alone describes an elephant. The same is true for spanking. 

A.J.: I love the topic. Actually thinking along, but not exactly, these lines a few days ago.

I'm with Bonnie. If she doesn't know it is cheating. She has to know. And agree.

The group may remember my telling the story of a guy (spanko) whose wife (really non-spanko) visibly reacted negatively. He would drop the merest of HINTS - and from her comments and reaction he knew not to go there again.

So a couple times a year he went to a pro. And the wife found out! And thought the worst. And it almost ended their marriage. In the end it didn't and she came to understand what he wanted and life became good again.

Sometime later he was diagnosed with leukemia; 18-24 months later he was dead. And the wife was left with remorse, pouring on the guilt, and blaming herself for not doing something so simple.

Courandaire: Due to particular health problem, sex is not possible anymore between us, and it could still go on for some years. So she told me many times I could have sex with other women if needed. Well...That's what she says.

But I'm a spanko to the core, She knows it. I love her deeply and she's (probably) the best no-nonsense spanker of the world. So, I’m in for almost every morning, because she loves me too. Spanking each other every day was already an act of love, an important link deeply rooted with desire. I can wait for sex. Spanking make up for my libido, it calms me down, and my love for this Loveduck is still growing, after all these years.

If I was searching for another woman JUST to spank me, with or without sex, it would be cheating. No doubt!

Hermione: If the wife is told about the visits and she agrees, then it isn't cheating. But if secrets are kept, then one or both partner might feel they are cheated or being cheated on.

Thanks for the lively discussion. I hope the original author of the question has gained some insight. it would be great if he commented on it here.

Spanko Brunch 2.0 #413

Today the weather here is very windy and wet, but it's warm and dry inside, and we are about to enjoy a lively discussion. Here's something an anonymous reader said:

"I am a man who is a life long spanko and I am married to a very vanilla woman. I love her very much but she is not interested in sharing my obsession. I think about spanking several times a day. It is sometimes very lonely to not have someone to share with. I have visited professionals in the past and have enjoyed giving them otk hand spankings. There is nothing that happens other than I get to spank them on their bare bottoms. I am conflicted because this seems like cheating but it also lets me scratch the itch without things getting complicated."

What do you think? Is going to a professional considered cheating on your spouse? Why or why not?

Please leave your response as a comment. Once everyone has weighed in, I will publish an edited summary of our discussion.

Kitchen Failures

Our American friends celebrated Thanksgiving two weeks ago, and feasting was a big part of the celebration. But from the evidence below, not every meal was appetizing. 

 

Christmas dinner will be better, right?