Friday FAIL

I'm not the only one who considers poor grammar or bad spelling a FAIL.

A Semi-permanent mark

Some time ago I told you about spicing up a spanking by putting stickers on my bottom. Several commenters suggested tattoos. Now, I would never consider getting a permanent tushie tat. Ron wouldn't approve and they are really not my thing. But surely a temporary one would be fun to try.

So I searched online and found this do it yourself tattoo kit on one of my favourite sites.

It looked simple enough and I had a gift card to use, so I ordered it. But when it arrived, I was dismayed to find the variety of stencils was quite limited. Only one sheet, and nothing looked appropriate. What would Ron make of a lizard on my butt? Would he swat a dolphin?

I needed to find something more appropriate; preferably a heart. So off I went to the local craft superstore. There I found a large assortment of stencils on sale, and chose a pack that included several hearts and other interesting, butt-appropriate patterns.

I snipped out a heart, stuck it on my right cheek, reached for a henna-coloured marker, and stopped. How on earth was I supposed to colour in the stencil? I couldn't see what I was doing, and could barely reach. I tried holding a mirror in one hand, but I got confused by the reflection and couldn't get the pen to go where I wanted it to. The marker was sharp and pointed and it took forever to fill in the design; a chisel tip would have worked much better.

I gave up, peeled off the sticky stencil, and scrubbed the half-finished heart off my cheek. Maybe I should use a bingo dabber, or a felt tip marker with a larger tip. But wait! Hadn't I seen rub-on tattoos someplace?

The next day I made a trip to the nearest dollar store. Sure enough, at the end of one aisle was a prominent display of rub-on, washable tattoos. Eureka! I selected a package of heart-shaped designs and hurried to the cash with my selection, grinning from ear to ear.

The following Saturday I found some time alone when Ron was busy washing the car. I chose the yellow heart with pink wings,read the instructions several times, slipped into the bathroom, bared my bottom and imprinted my right bottomcheek with the picture. I let it dry completely then gently pulled up my panties and wondered what Ron would make of it when he finally saw it.

I didn't have long to wait. After showering and changing, Ron was ready to administer my usual weekend spanking. His reaction was immediate.

"What's that?" he asked as soon as he saw the fluttering heart.

"What do you think it is?"

"Where did you get that? Get it off!" he ordered. Yeah, as if it was that easy.

"I must have sat in something," I breezily replied.

"Ron chuckled. "I'll get it off" and he proceeded to paddle it very hard with the leather paddle. Oops! I had inadvertently given him a target to aim at.

"Hey, I have two cheeks, you know," I protested.

"Yes,' he replied, never missing a beat, "but only one of them has that thing on it." He then gave the other cheek some attention too, but not as much.

"Are you getting dye all over the paddle? Is it fading?" I queried, hoping to distract him. It did, and he stopped to examine both the implement and my bottom.

"No, it's getting brighter," he announced, then went to work with the cane, which also seemed to be aimed at my pink and yellow target. Never before had the cane felt so ouchy! If I didn't know better, I could have sworn he'd read my recent post about how little impact our cane has.

The worst was yet to come. Ron picked up the dressage whip and whooshed it through the air, then it struck. Now, we have had problems in the past with the tip of that particular implement wrapping onto my right hip. Ron had learned to avoid doing that, but this time he managed to get the tip to connect exactly where the tattoo was positioned. Yeowch!

By the time my husband had finished, he announced that he could scarcely see the offending image on my backside. When I checked in the mirror I saw he was right. The pink wings had disappeared against the bright red of my flaming cheek. The yellow heart had turned a dull orange. Maybe next time I will choose green or blue and see what happens. And it would be wiser to put one on each globe, to make certain I come out even in the end.

The next morning before taking a shower, I took a look at my bum in the mirror to check on the tattoo. It was still there, once more bright pink and yellow. Around it was a halo of red - a reminder of the evening before. I was delighted! My bottom rarely shows any trace of a spanking the next day, but I guess this one had been harder than usual, with my artwork providing an incentive.

I think I'll try the two LOVE tattoos next time - one on each cheek.

Wednesday's WIN

In last week's Wednesday WIN, most of the comments were about photocopying your bum at the office. I did a little research and came up with some interesting tidbits to share with you.

First, a few pictures.

Here are some tips from bluemarsupial on how to successfully photocopy your bum:

• If you must photocopy your bum, wear black underwear that isn't remotely see-through. The light from the copier is quite bright and, well, lets just say you'll be glad you did.
• Photocopy your bum before making any other copies. The glass top of the photocopier gets quite hot after several copies, so if you wait to scan your vertical smile self-portrait after you make several copies beforehand; you'll likely feel the need to scream obscenities as you burn your derriere. Bring Crisco and a spatula.
• Modern photocopy machines now have internal memory. Make certain that either you or your "photographer" know how to purge this memory or can somehow guarantee copies of your bum don't go circulating around the office.
• Personal identifying details, such as the forgotten Hello Kitty bandaid sticking on your left butt cheek from a previous injury involving a thumb tack left on sofa by a giggling 2-year old would be best avoided when scanning your bum.
• Always bring some extra cleaning products to the copy machine as napkins and sleeves alone are generally not sufficient to remove butt smudges from the photocopier lens.

A helpful video on how not to photocopy your bum at the office:






Finally there's the iBum, a chair with a motion sensor that activates a photocopier to capture an unsuspecting person's seat for posterity.

Paddling, 1940s style

I have a charming book called 101 Things to do in Wartime, originally published in 1940 and reprinted in 2007. It's amazing how much of the information on reusing, recycling and making do is still relevant today.

Some of the more interesting projects include making toys out of felt, creating puzzles from cardboard, wood, and wire, and knitting clothing with crepe paper instead of wool. There are also tips on saving fuel, and that's as important now as it was 70 years ago. The instructions for making blackout shades and protecting windows with masking tape - not so much.

I thought you might enjoy seeing the detailed instructions for making a ping pong or table tennis paddle. The names of some of the materials have changed over the years, but you'll get the idea.

I like the idea of covering one side with cork and the other with glasspaper (sandpaper). Covering the handle with cork would give the paddler a distinct advantage, don't you think?

If you are interested in what life was like in wartime Britain, an excellent recreation of the experience was filmed by BBC and broadcast on PBS. It's available as a DVD from PBS, and is also on YouTube in two parts here and here.

From the Top Shelf - Dear Nora

Did you know that the well-known Irish author and poet, James Joyce, was also a spanking enthusiast? There are references to spanking in some of his novels, with boys and men on the receiving end.

In 1904 Joyce met Nora, a young woman who worked as a chambermaid. It was the beginning of a close relationship that would last until his death. Joyce and Nora exchanged a series of passionate letters over the years. In the one I will share with you, he declares his wish to be spanked by her.

To NORA
Dublin 13 December 1909

I would be delighted to feel my flesh tingling under your hand. Do you know what I mean, Nora dear? I wish you would smack me or flog me even. Not in play, dear, in earnest and on my naked flesh. I wish you were strong, strong, dear, and had a big full proud bosom and big fat thighs.  I would love to be whipped by you, Nora love! I would love to have done something to displease you, something trivial even, perhaps one of my rather dirty habits that make you laugh: and then to hear you call me into your room and then to find you sitting in an armchair with your fat thighs far apart and your face deep red with anger and a cane in your hand. To see you point to what I had done and then with a movement of rage pull me towards you and throw me face downwards across your lap. Then to feel your hands tearing down my trousers and inside clothes and turning up my shirt, to be struggling in your strong arms and in your lap, to feel you bending down (like an angry nurse whipping a child's bottom) until your big full bubbies almost touched me and to feel you flog, flog, flog me viciously on my naked quivering flesh!!

You may read more of Joyce's naughty letters to Nora at http://loveletters.tribe.net/thread/fce72385-b146-4bf2-9d2e-0dfa6ac7142d.

You Completed the Caption

Here's how you captioned this lovely photo.

Kingspan: Sally loved having company with a red bottom secretly blazing under her skirt. Sometimes, she barely had time to readjust herself before the doorbell rang.

Six of the best: Chivalry is not dead. The gentleman is about to bestow upon his naughty lady the ceremony of the Knights of the Garter, spanko style. Six of the best, with a cane on her bare bottom.

Sunnygirl: Can't wait to get her over my knee.

Simon: Simon knew that as soon as she discovered the run in her stockings that he had made whilst wearing them he was going to be in big trouble.

Minelle: "See, I put them on."
"Not quick enough, you are getting spanked anyway."

Mitch: He: "Forget the stockings. Just hike up your skirt, and get over my knees."

Vfrat25000: Him: I have a pair of stockings on just like that. I wonder how much she paid for hers?

Her: I hope someday that science will invent a little pill that men can take so I don’t have to work so hard to get him going!

Her: It’s time to raise my grade to an A. "Oh .Professor, look over here, I was wondering if you would consider re-grading my term paper!"

Him: Oh, I can tell this isn’t going to end well! This kind of thing never ends well! But it’s a lot of fun while it lasts.

Her: I spend two hours in the bar, an hour teasing him into spanking me; he pulls up my skirt, lowers my panties and gives me two swats. Two measly swats. I give up. I’m getting dressed and going to order that spanking machine I saw in the Adult Shenanigans magazine. Later, Loser.

Her: Why is that guy taking my picture while I am getting undressed?
Him: Oh I don’t know. Maybe in 75 years somebody might want to post a picture of us right before we do the naughty thing on a new invention called the "internet". Or maybe I just collect dirty pictures!
Her: Oh……OK!

Ana: Him: Miss? I brought a flower for you...
Her, thinking to herself: Stupid run in my nylons just when I was trying to get in the role!

Daddy spanks: I want all of it off, and you better be quick about it ! That ass of yours is going be bright red before I`m done with you. If you continue crying it will only earn you extra...now hurry it up!


Hermione: The picture of Aunt Grace and Uncle Harold in the old family album was a constant embarrassment to their children.

Kate Fresh: "Our guests are here honey... hopefully you will remember to behave as you sit on that sore bottom all night."

Welcome, Kate!




Thanks for having some September fun. Come again!

Complete the Caption

A man, a woman, a convenient chair, and blinds that are closed. What more could you want?

Complete the caption by leaving a comment, and I will publish your perspectives in the next post.