Wednesday WIN

No ifs or ands, but plenty of butts.

Happy Hump Day!

It's All About Location

I found some unsolicited advertising in my inbox the other day. Normally I would simply mark it as spam then delete it, but this time it was a little different. The picture was intriguing, to say the least.

It's a  Ta*ta*too, real-looking temporary body art. I thought it was clever of them to send me an email with the one tattoo I was sure to go for. Their marketing department is really on the ball.

The only problem is, it's in the wrong place. A "Spank Me" tattoo belongs farther south on the body. Still, it does send the right message, even in the wrong location.

From the Top Shelf - Forbidden Reading

Today's erotic fiction comes from a French novella translated into English and called Sweet Sixteen, or the Romance of Family Chastisement. The nineteenth century author is unknown, but judging from this lively passage, he or she was quite familiar with corporal punishment. I did a bit of research and found that if Marie had been reading the book pictured above, she might have found it quite entertaining. Still, it had been banned, so it was not at all appropriate for a young lady to read.

"A Book of Voltaire!" exclaimed Mr. Bordumien, recoiling, "And where did she get that?"

"I have not had time to ask her," replied his wife, "but we will do so at once! In any case, Marie deserves punishment. Claire has received hers. I want you to whip her severely. I am not strong enough to manage such a big girl, and besides, coming from you it will have a much greater effect!"

"My dear, you may be sure that she will get a whipping and a good one...a book of Voltaire...did you ever...my Lord she deserves a hiding!"

"Come with me up to her room," concluded his wife, "You will punish her up there!" handing Mr. Bordumien a bundle of twigs she had just pulled out of a new birch broom.

The two parents went towards Marie's room, and the girl felt her heart sink with apprehension when she saw her mother come into her room, and her father, his face an apoplectic red, carrying in his hand the famous birch, whose disciplinary functions she was well acquainted with, having often had experience of them, and not so very long ago. Madame Bordumien spoke first. Taking the little book out of her pocket she held it out to Marie, who felt the walls of the room swimming round her. "Can you tell me, Miss, where you found this horrible book?"

Marie, instead of replying, commenced to cry. "Will you tell me, where did you get this?" insisted her mother. Marie hid her face in her hands; her mother, advancing towards her, pulled her arms apart. The young girl, her face bathed in tears, stubbornly looked on the ground.

"Very well! You will not name the person who lent you this book. I'll count to three...one...two..all right...three. Good, your father is going to whip you and in such a fashion that you will remember it all your life!"

Mr. Bordumien, birch in hand, took a step towards his daughter.

"No! No!" cried Marie, quite frantic at the prospect. "No papa...papa...do not whip me! I will tell you...it...it was Alice who gave it to me...she told me not to speak of it. I have not read it, I swear! I gave it at once to Claire..."

"Why did you give it to Claire instead of returning it to your friend, Alice?" demanded Mr. Bordumien.

"I...I...don't know...I..."

"You don't know? Liar! Your mother was right in asking me to punish you severely and I am going to do it! Get ready...now!"

"No papa, no...ooooohhh..."

The exclamation was occasioned by the fact that Mr. Bordumien, without more ceremony, had seized the maiden by the waist, bent her in two and tucked her under his powerful arm as in a vice, in a position which held her body in a right angle, so that even her feet did not touch the ground. Mad with shame, literally overwhelmed by this dreadful catastrophe, the fair Marie permitted herself to be placed in the classic pose of a girl who was going to be spanked. Ah, but she was such a very light weight under the strong arm of her father. The very knowledge of her helplessness paralysed her. With her mother it would have been another matter, she would have struggled, screamed, thrown herself on the floor but now...

"Oh papa...no...no...not like that!" These cries were caused by the fact that Mr. Bordumien had just turned up her skirt and petticoat. Madame Bordumien assisted her husband by fixing the turned up clothes with a safety pin, then the father raised his hand over a plump, shapely bottom, carefully wrapped like an exquisite bonbon, in the dainty covering of a schoolgirl's little drawers, quite plain, with lace around the knees.

"Won't you take her drawers off?" demanded Madame Bordumien.

"No, she is too big," came the reply. "Besides that won't stop her feeling what I intend to give her!"

Smack! Smack! Smack! The heavy hand, big as a shoulder of mutton, fell regularly, sometimes on one, sometimes on the other cheek of the girl's behind, painfully exposed to the blows.

The thin material of her drawers, if it did to some extent protect the extreme modesty of the girl, was certainly no defence against the blows. Each smack as it fell on her bottom hurt terribly, a frightful smarting sensation making her yell.

Twisting her supple body, kicking her legs to right and left, in spite of her most desperate efforts she did not succeed in protecting her fleshy bottom from the rain of blows which, with horrible regularity, always fell on the same place.

A heavier smack than usual drove her frantic. She gave a piercing scream and, with a mad unconscious movement, she half turned and bit her father's wrist!

At the pain, Mr. Bordumien almost let her fall.

"She has bitten me! She has bitten her father, the little pup!" he cried. "Suzanne, pass me the birch!"

Without a word, Madame Bordumien picked up the twigs and handed them to her husband.

Mr. Bordumien grasped the bundle of twigs in his hand and prepared to whip his daughter's bottom soundly, having replaced her in position with a twist, grasping her waist till she could scarcely breathe.

"Wait a moment," said Madame Bordumien grimly, "she deserves this!" She approached Marie, whose pretty white stockinged legs were waving in the air, and, whilst keeping clear so as not to be caught by one of the unhappy girl's lunges, she slipped her hands under Marie's belly and untied her drawers which she pulled down to the girl's ankles, despite the squeals of shame and appeals for mercy that ensued.

The chemise covered Marie's bottom with its light batiste curtain. The mother raised this last veil and tucked it over the hips of the victim then withdrew. Mr.Bordumien had before him, shamefully naked, exposing its already scarlet cheeks with indecent arrogance, the prettiest female bottom that anyone could wish to see!

Before this charming spectacle, Mr. Bordumien hesitated for a moment, for he could not but be affected by the graceful proportions of his daughter. A glance from his wife called forth the necessary energy. He seized the birch in his hand and laid it on with a will, cutting into the appetising apple before him. The beautiful delicate moon, the ravishing young buttocks whose central furrow, shaded with warm tones, curved inwards towards the thighs in a darkness full of perfumed mystery.

At the first cut of the birch striking squarely across her naked bottom, already swollen by the preceding spanking, Marie screamed with all her might, so loudly that the servant came upstairs and opened the door. When she saw it was merely young Marie receiving a whipping, she paused and grinned, then went back down to the kitchen.

Servants get used to seeing that sort of thing all the time.

You Completed the Caption

Not even Hurricane Sandy could stop these three adventurers, and your captions are proof of that.


Mick: These members of Spankees Barbershop Quartet were in such a hurry to get to their concert that they forgot one of their singers... and their pants. turn around and go back, fellas.

Prefectdt: After going without shirts, the week before and getting stiff necks, their wives thought that this may save some money by reducing the amount of Viagra that they use.

Lillie: The McClonsky triplets were always eager to prove they were identical in "every" way.

Sunnygirl: They just finished watching Monty Python and thought they would give it a try.

Ronnie: Jeffrey knew he shouldn't have let his best man order the wedding suits.

Smuccatelli: What? You've never heard of male bonding before?

Vfrat25000: Uhh, Jim…Why are the ladies driving off with our pants? This could be very problematic.

Does either of you guys know how to make fire from a rock and a stick? My legs are cold.

Keep your distance guys…I have a personal rule……I never get close to any man not wearing pants.
Quit your belly-aching Frank. This is no picnic for Craig and me either.

OK Guys…I think I just figured out how the wives are going to settle the score for the Las Vegas Bachelor Party pictures.
Sweetie...Darling, why are you pouring charcoal lighter on our pants?

Great…Just wonderful…The one day in the year I decide to wear tighty-whities!

Get your hand off my butt Carl. So help me I will toss you in that lake.

Smile guys…Let’s have a little dignity. Remember we are Partners in one of the most respected Law Firms in Boston.

Six of the best: "Good griefs,"  but briefs, up to some mischiefs. And hank for some spank, in their rank.

A. Lurker: Well, we now know who doesn't wear the pants in the family.

The invitation said "black tie" but it didn't mention anything about the rest of the attire.

Capturing the moment on the way home from filming the video for "Pants on the Ground". (Can't wait to see the pictures after Gangnam Style!)

Scunge: We have the kilt socks WHERE are the KILTS MON!?

Dr. Ken: "Wai...waitaminute...I thought YOU were the deshi..the deshinagted...the designated driver...."

Kingspan: When the wives pulled out their hairbrushes, the husbands' smiles were turned upside down. A moment later, so were the husbands.

Bonnie: "We are pals. Pals are we."

Hermione: When The Three Tenors performed, no one ever paid any attention to what they were wearing. 


Thanks for stopping by today. See you all next time!

Complete the Caption

Three happy guys, posing for a picture before - or after - what? There's no one around to see what they've done, or what they're going to do next. The sky's the limit!

Complete the caption by leaving a comment, and I will reveal your secrets in the next post.

Friday FAIL

Once again, I have enough material related to 50 Shades of Grey to fill a post.

In the past two days I have seen the book featured in not one but two different syndicated comic strips in the newspaper. The one on Adam@home was probably a one-off, and you can see it here. The other strip, Betty, has mentioned the book three days in a row at the time of writing, so it may continue for a while. Enjoy the first strip here, then use the arrow above the panel to go forward day by day.

This is the reaction many people have when reading "that book".

But then there's that other effect it has on some. Look carefully at his lap.

From Think Pink. This can't be real. Say it ain't so!

A logical juxtaposition.

Quite likely.

Poor Harry.



And finally...

The inevitable poor taste slogan on a onesie.

Spam

This blog receives its share of spammy comments each day. I don't have CAPTCHA word verification on because it's so annoying, but the Blogger spam filters are very good at identifying a spam comment and directing it to the spam folder instead of publishing it. You see, I have trained the filters to recognize spam. I don't simply delete a comment if it appears on a blog post; I mark it as spam first, then delete it. Identifying a comment as spam trains the spam filters, and they quickly learn what constitutes spam on my blog.
 
Red discussed the spam problem here and I agree they a nuisance to readers who subscribe to comments and end up reading this garbage. Not even word verification plus filters can prevent the spam from coming through via email. Sorry about that!

I have comment moderation on for posts over 14 days old, and if a specific older post seems to be a target, I will turn off comments on that post.

For your amusement, here are a few of the simpler spam comments I have seen in the past. They're short, sweet and quite generic.


Great post. See my blog. [URL for Rolex watches]

Nice blog. You make a good point. [URL for Ugg boots]

Appreciate this post. Let me try it out. [URL for the little blue pill]

This is an amazing business opportunity. [URL for enlarging a body part I don't even have]


Then there are the ones that have a bit more detail in them. Still obviously generic, but might possibly be mistaken for sincere comments were it not for the inclusion of a link to some unrelated web page. They're fun to read when you keep in mind that they have been left on a spanking blog. I have made no effort to fix the shaky grammar.


I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don't know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often. [URL for job seeking]

I am satisfied to seek out so many useful information here within the put up, we want develop more strategies in this regard, thanks for sharing. [URL for more Ugg boots]

I havе been browsіng online greаter than 3 hourѕ nowadays, уet I never founԁ аny fascinatіng article likе yours. It's pretty value sufficient for me. In my view, if all site owners and bloggers made just right content material as you did, the internet shall be much more helpful than ever before. [URL for increasing website traffic]

At this time I am ready to do my breakfast, once having my breakfast coming yet again to read other news. [URL for online dating]

This one's my all-time favourite.


Thank you for the sensible critique. Me & my neighbor were just preparing to do some research about this. We got a grab a book from our area library but I think I learned more clear from this post. I'm very glad to see such excellent information being shared freely out there. [URL for - you guessed it - Ugg boots]


I can imagine the spammer and his neighbour doing spanking research at the library.


The next one is an example of overkill. The spammer seems to have strung together a bunch of unrelated spammy comments that could each stand alone. Why? For effect? To give the impression of having really read the blog? Or maybe to fool the filters. Anyway, here it is, and remember, it was left as a single comment. I couldn't resist adding my own comments in [square brackets].


Woah! I'm really loving the template/theme of this blog. It's simple, yet effective. A lot of times it's very difficult to get that "perfect balance" between superb usability and visual appearance. I must say you've done a superb job with this. In addition, the blog loads super quick for me on Internet explorer. Outstanding Blog! [2 URLs to unknown sites]

Hi! Would you mind if I share your blog with my myspace group? There's a lot of folks that I think would really appreciate your content. Please let me know. Thank you [Myspace? Really?  This is the 21th century!

Hey I am so glad I found your site, I really found you by accident, while I was browsing on Digg for something else, [You were looking for Harry Potter, am I right?] Anyways I am here now and would just like to say many thanks for a fantastic post and a all round enjoyable blog (I also love the theme/design), I don't have time to look over it all at the moment but I have bookmarked it and also added your RSS feeds, so when I have time I will be back to read more, [2 more URLs here]

Please do keep up the great job. I like what you guys are up also. Such clever work and reporting! Keep up the superb works guys I have incorporated you guys to my blogroll. I think it'll improve the value of my web site :) [There's nothing like a link to a spanking blog to raise the value of a spam blog.]

Hello just wanted to give you a brief heads up and let you know a few of the pictures aren't loading properly. I'm not sure why but I think its a linking issue. I've tried it in two different browsers and both show the same outcome. There are certainly a variety of details like that to take into consideration. That could be a nice point to convey up. [There's nothing wrong with the pictures but this statement might have grabbed my attention if it wasn't part of a comment flood.]

I offer the thoughts above as general inspiration however clearly there are questions just like the one you bring up the place an important factor will be working in sincere good faith. I don't know if best practices have emerged around things like that, [Yes, we have best practices in spanking as in everything else] however I'm certain that your job is clearly recognized as a good game. [Huh? Spanking is neither a job nor a game] Both girls and boys really feel the influence of only a second’s pleasure, for the remainder of their lives. [Spanking children isn't allowed here.]

So here's the final word on spam, from George and Gracie: