Butt Masks

Butt masks - who knew? Apparently they are all the rage. Applying a butt mask to your butt promotes skin elasticity, tightens loose skin and helps defy gravity. Some of them are specially formulated to help with butt acne. Here are just a few: 

 

Do they work? Here's one woman's opinion.

Glory to Ukraine

Friday FAIL

I only have one FAIL for you today, but this one's a doozy!

There's also a missing apostrophe, so it's a double FAIL.

Buttwear, anyone?

Yoko Ono has come up with a collection of menswear based on a series of drawings she sketched as a gift for Lennon for their wedding day in 1969. Ono said she the illustrations were designs for clothing and accessories to celebrate Lennon’s “hot bod.”


Among other items are a white wool and padded mesh Cutout Trouser

It's also available in black

and this is the butt hoodie

The Opening Ceremony video is an animation inspired by the 1969 drawings Ono made for her late husband as a wedding present.

Click on the image above to watch the video. Warning: you may wish to turn your sound off.

Wednesday WIN

No ifs or ands, but plenty of butts.

Happy Hump Day!

Flash Butt

 Recently I read an article in the paper about an accident involving a freight train and a mobile welding truck. Luckily no one was injured, but the part of the story I found most interesting was the description of the truck. Its seems this vehicle was performing some on the spot flash butt welding. That set my spanko senses a-tingling and I had to find out more.

Here's a description of the process. Read it carefully then tell me if you perceive any spanking references. (I did remove a few extraneous words here and there so it would sound less like welding and more like...you know.)

Flash Butt Welding

The surfaces of the pieces are positioned end-to-end. Preheating is carried out under low pressure. Once the joint is heated, flashing commences and joint surface material is burnt, resulting in even joint surface. Then upsetting commences, resulting in an irregular surface of the upset metal.

This Artist's Passion

is the human posterior. The Original Butt Sketch Artist says, "I’m just like every other guy, except for instead of taking a peek, I kind of stare a little bit longer.

Watch him as he draws bums of all shapes and sizes on Jimmy Kimmel Live. 

Wednesday WIN

We're having a little fun with butts today.

Ah, the brotherhood of butts.

Gotta see that movie.

Egads!

I wouldn't if  I were you.

Well, now you know!

Now where did I put that clipboard?

More fun from Just for Laughs Gags.

No Butts

My husband has a different opinion of the monarchy than I do, but he agreed that the recent spontaneous visit by the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge to fire-ravaged Slave Lake in northern Alberta was a touching gesture.

"I agree," I said. "It was their own idea, too."

"And they're having a very successful tour of Canada, but..." Ron continued.

I interrupted him. "Never mind the buts. You said something very nice; quit while you're ahead."

"That's not something I ever thought I'd hear you say," Ron replied.

"What?" I was puzzled. "Quit while you're ahead?"

"No," he explained. "Never mind the butts!"

Oops! Silly me!

Rub this on your butt

For that special Boxing Day meal, why not give your roast a rub with Paula Deen's Butt Massage. it comes in sets of two - one for each cheek, presumably - and is available here.


The product description is temptingly kinky: "Y'all, rub this wonderful blend of spices on any butt (even beef brisket) and watch everyone's eyes roll back in their heads over the flavor!"

Have a good time rubbing it in, y'all!

For Those Aching Backsides

A few months ago, I told you about my exciting find. It was a soothing powder to apply after those butt-busting activities we all enjoy so much.

It seems there are more products out there designed for the buttockal region of the body.

Sounds more like a glue than a soothing cream, but I believe it's a big seller.

Or soothe your hot bottom in a nice butt bath.

 

Then there's the generic brand, supposed to be just as good as the original.

 Another similar product, for butts and goats, I believe.

With all those products on the market, there's no excuse for having a mark on your bottom.

Start the day off right

Then again, it could be a great start to the day. It all depends on your perspective.

And the state of your butt.

A Butt-busting Followup

Some of you have asked me how I liked the anti-monkeybutt powder, and the short answer is, I liked it just fine!

Last weekend, Ron was standing beside the bed, holding the leather paddle in happy anticipation, when I spoke up.

"It's kind of hot in here," I said.

"Not too bad. Come on." Ron was anxious to begin.

"Before we get started, let me get something," and I walked over to my bedside table and pulled open the drawer.

"What? Does it vibrate?" Ron knew some of the secrets that drawer held.

I laughed. "No, silly. If my bum is too hot and sticky, try this." I held out the container of powder to him. He read the label and laughed. He laughed even harder when I pointed out the part about "butt busting activities" on the label.

"Where did you get this? How did you happen to see it?" He was very curious now.

"It was in the drug store, and when I saw it I thought it would work better than Gold Bond." Then I ended the conversation by getting into position.

Ron put the container aside and settled down to the business at hand. Once, I interrupted to ask if he thought my bottom needed powdering, but he said no.

After what seemed like a long time, but was probably several minutes, he decided that I had been thoroughly spanked. "Your bum has a luminous glow."

Yes, he really said that! I was even more anxious to try the powder, to see if it had any heat-reducing qualities. So I begged Ron to rub some on, and he agreed. It was lovely, so soft and velvety as Ron smoothed it onto my fiery posterior. It felt much nicer than any lotion, and I do believe it helped a little. We both chuckled some more at the name, and I put the container back in my drawer, where it will be handy for next time.

After all, we are in the middle of a heatwave.

Butt-busting activities

Even though we live in the Great White North, temperatures can rise pretty high in the summer, and this past spring was exceptionally warm. That can lead to a bit of awkwardness during intimate moments.

Ron likes to stroke my bottom between rounds of spanks, to sooth the hot skin and to give me a chance to catch my breath and recover my composure. But last week his gentle stroking was impeded by a moist sticky surface. I blamed his hot sweaty palms - he must have had a tight grip on the paddle. He in turn said my bottom was sweaty from the heat. Who knows? We were probably both to blame.

Ron asked for some powder to rub onto my posterior, but I knew we didn't have any. I promised to pick some up the next time I went shopping, and we carried on as best we could. Luckily, the dampness didn't have a deterring effect on my husband's enthusiasm for spanking me.

On a subsequent trip to the pharmacy I scanned the shelves for something suitable. This is what I found.




Recommended for butt-busting activities. Yes, really! Check out their website. I think it will be just the thing!

I've Been Converted!

I normally have no interest in televised sporting events, but Ron loves American football, and last Sunday was the big game for his team, the Minnesota Vikings. I was busy elsewhere - baking, reading blogs, answering emails, and photographing my culinary efforts for an upcoming blog post. Eventually I wandered down to the family room and joined Ron for a while to keep him company, although I have to admit I was there in body only, and was entertaining myself with Sudoku. I was only half listening to an interview with the quarterback, Brett Favre.

(Why do they all mispronounce his name? I'm as passionate about correct pronunciation as I am about good grammar. Everyone says "Farve" instead of "Fahvrrrre". Or if you're like me and can't roll your Rs, it's perfectly acceptable to drop the R and simply say "Fahve". But I digress.)

The interview suddenly became very interesting when the Fox network's Pam Oliver asked Brett why he smacked butts so often. Then there was a quick succession of clips, with Brett's hand on a butt in each one. His response was that if someone is feeling down, that's his remedy. Favre shared the secret to his technique, explaining that "you don't want to cup it. You want to smack it."

Ron and I exchanged knowing grins, and after the interview was over he said, "He's a butt-whacker too, so I guess you'll be cheering for the Vikings."

Go, Buttwhackers! Er, I mean Vikings!

Here's the pertinent part of the interview.

Butts for Sale

Isn't this the cutest spanko bank ever?





And this clock is featured as a "lifestyle gift".

I've only seen the bank and the clock for sale in one location, but scroll down for more items in the "butt" series.










See the complete selection of cute as a button butts here.

What a wonderful line of merchandise for any spanking enterpreneurs reading this.