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your ass from your elbow?

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I scored 7 out of 14. How did you do?

Midsomer Masochist

Midsomer Murders is an entertaining drama about a fictitious English county with the highest murder rate in the country. Over the past ten years, two to three people per week have died under suspicious circumstances in one of the tiny Midsomer villages.

Victims and perpetrators alike tend to be wealthy, eccentric, or obsessed with unusual hobbies and pastimes. In each episode, quaint and old-fashioned but otherwise reasonably harmless individuals are gradually exposed as sinister, greedy, jealous or sexually deviant as the plot unfolds and the murders continue.
The distinguished Detective Chief Inspector Barnaby and his equally handsome young assistant, Detective Sargeant Troy, manage to unravel the strings of deception one by one, and the mysteries are revealed when the criminal is confronted and confesses.

An episode that aired recently (probably a few years old for British viewers) called Country Matters was unexpectedly but delightfully kinky.

In one scene, a lovely young woman in full riding kit, carrying a riding crop, walks into the stable and confronts a man sitting down beside a saddle and bridle. He explains that he was only resting for a moment, but she is obviously displeased that he has not done his assigned tasks. She orders him to stand up and bend over a table, then goes to a rack on the wall where she hangs the crop and chooses a dressage whip instead. There is a closeup of the man's bottom, with trousers stretched tight across it. Then we see his face, and watch as the woman swings the whip and it connects. The expression on his face is a mixture of shock, excitement and pleasure; his eyes widen and his mouth forms an O.

In a later scene, the same man is hard at work cleaning tack when the two detectives arrive to continue their investigation. He apologizes for not having finished, then stands up, goes to the table, drops his trousers and bends over, saying "Oh well, variety is the spice of life." The detectives exchange startled looks.

There's also a kinky reference in a short conversation between Barnaby and his wife as she considers helping out at a cooking school. "[D]ishing out a bit of discipline, that I could handle."

The View from Here - Who Decides?

Lately, while roaming through the blogosphere, I've enjoyed reading about creative husbands who come up with imaginative ways to spank their wives. Although I always enjoy the spanking I do get, I think it's time that I too am surprised by some innovative position, implement, clothing or dialogue.

Ron doesn't read spanking blogs so he isn't aware of the many possibilities. Furthermore, he isn't a mind-reader. So it's up to me to come up with some ideas, and I can either tell him about them or show him. Somehow, I think that showing him might be much more fun.

Last week, I thought long and hard about what I really did want. Then when our time for play was imminent, I was prepared. I slipped into some lacy lingerie, and piled the bed pillows on top of each other at the foot of the bed. When Ron came in, his eyes widened when he saw what I was--or wasn't--wearing, and glanced at the pillows. Clearly this was something different, and he was all for it.

He quickly disrobed then proceeded to help me out of my outfit, taking an amazingly long time to do so. Eventually it was done, and he motioned me to bend over the pillows.

"Which one do you want," he asked as he started to untangle the terrible trio.
"The black one," I replied, my voice a bit muffled from the bedding. This was really easy after all.

The black leather paddle stings a good deal more than the gentler dogging bat, and Ron seldom uses it because it isn't as stiff and he can't control it as well when I'm lying in my usual position. But since we were both standing (sort of) he had room to swing and it was much better. Actually it hurt like **** as the swats landed on the upper part of my bottom. Ouch! I buried my face in the blanket and squeaked each time the leather connected. After a breather, when my sore posterior got a gentle massage, Ron resumed his attack, and this time the swats were lower down. They were still hard enough to make me say "Ow!" but somehow easier to take.

Luckily, this spanking was a short one. Ron soon decided he needed to give my bottom and other intimate areas a different kind of attention while I was still in the same position, and I enthusiastically agreed with his decision.

Later that evening I asked him how he felt about the black paddle, and he said it was much better that way. I agreed that I had liked it too. Then quite unexpectedly, Ron asked, "Did it really turn you on, doing it that way?"

"Oh, yes! The position, the pillows, the paddle, it was perfect!"

"Good to know."

Fast forward to the following week, when I was summoned to the bedroom for a spanking. Ron stood at the door, grinning. Pillows were piled at the foot of the bed, and the belt lay beside them, ready for use.

It was my turn to look wide-eyed. What a surprise!

"Oh." It was all I could manage to say.

"You're in for a treat. I'm going to use the buckle end."

He wouldn't, of course. I burst out laughing and gave him a hug. And I was very glad that I had taken the trouble to show him exactly what I wanted the week before. He's a quick study, and this occasion was even nicer than the preceding one because he added his own variations to it.

Ron first positioned me on my knees in front of him so that I could show my enthusiasm for his new-found creativity. After a few minutes he pushed my head away. "We'll come back to this later." He helped me to my feet and motioned for me to bend over the foot of the bed.

Ron is an expert the belt. I think he practises when I'm not around. He has perfected his technique so that he no longer leaves marks on my backside. I found myself standing on tiptoe, arching my back and thrusting my bottom up to meet the leather on its decent. Each time he stopped to rub my reddened cheeks, my heels returned to earth.

When Ron decided my bottom had had enough entertainment, I once more knelt in front of him and finished what I had started earlier. Then we snuggled under the covers and I was well rewarded for my efforts. It was an afternoon to remember.

I now feel more comfortable introducing something new that I'm longing to try, and plan to do it again soon, so stay tuned for the next addition to our repertoire.

Post-it

The office would be a pretty lively place if I started using these sticky notes that I found in a store at the local mall.

Maybe I could use them as hints for a spanking, and stick one on the mirror before Ron shaves in the morning.

Any other suggestions?

What Does a Girl Have to Do?

Have you seen the latest ad for Calvin Klein jeans? The young lady is sprawled across two perfectly good laps, in ideal spanking position. She's practically begging for it.

But the guys are ignoring her! Are they playing hard to get? Bored with spanking? Watching sports on two different TV sets? One has his arm up as if to spank, but he's going to connect with her ribs unless he starts paying attention.

What's up with these two? What does a girl have to do to get a little spanking?

Wear Red on Friday

Are you wearing red today? The idea of wearing red on Friday to demonstrate support for U.S. troops originated a few years ago. Since the colour red is strongly associated with Canada, the concept quickly spread north of the border.

We Canadians wear red every Friday to remember not only military personnel serving in Afghanistan, but all members of the armed forces wherever they are. It's our way of saying "thank you" to them for putting their lives on the line.

I know there are readers and bloggers who have served their countries in the past or are serving them now, or who have children currently stationed in areas of conflict. When I wear red, I honour them as well.


It doesn't have to be a t-shirt.

Touch My What?

Before a caning, I am led to believe that "assume the position" means that the recipient of the strokes is to bend over and touch his or her toes.

Really? All the way down there? Just touch, or hold? Could it be ankles instead? What about knees? Do you get extra strokes for inflexible joints? Do you just go down as far as you can and hope for the best?

I've practically never been able to touch my toes. Not even as a child. I could sort of bounce downward and tap them, but couldn't hold the position for more than a second or two. The only time I was reasonably successful was during a summer of daily ballet, jazz and modern dance classes when I was at University. For a brief time, I could reach distant parts of my anatomy with my hands. But that didn't last. And now, there's a lot more of me in front; it pretty much rules out any finger-toe contact.

Touch your knees doesn't have the same ring to it. Touch your thighs...nope.
I guess I wouldn't be a suitable naughty schoolgirl, then. 

Secretary: the Sequel

"Pay attention when I'm talking to you."

Thank you to Office Humour.

Time for a Meme

Here's a fun meme from Bonnie's collection. 
 
1. What curse word do you use the most? - Usually f*** but only around other people who use it too, and never if children are within earshot.

2. Do you own an ipod? - No

3. What person on your f-list do you talk to the most? - What's an f-list? Is that related to question #1?

4. What time is your alarm clock set to? - Six a.m.

5. Do you still remember the first person you kissed? - Probably a relative

6. Do you remember where you were on September 11th, 2001? - I was at work. We watched it on TV in the training room.

7. Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture? - Take it

8. What was the last movie you watched? - Religulous
 
9. Do any of your friends have children? - Yes

10. Has anyone ever called you lazy? - I don't think so but sometimes I call myself that

11. Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep? - Tried it once but it kept me awake

12. What CD is currently in your CD player? - Jagged Little Pill by Alanis Morissette

13. Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk? - 1% white milk

14. Has anyone told you a secret this week? - Yes, a co-worker

15. When was the last time you had Starbucks? - I'm in Canada. Tim Horton's has the best coffee here

16. Can you whistle? - Sort of, but I don't

17. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? - facial features and expression

18. What are you looking forward to? - in the short term, reading a manual for some new software I just bought. Long term, pursuing a new career that interests me.

19. Did you watch cartoons as a child? - Yes

20. Do you own any band t-shirts? - Yes, a Beatles shirt from 1964

21. What will you be doing in one hour? - Going for a walk

22. Is anyone in love with you? - I hope my husband is

23. What was the last song you heard? - Mamma Mia
 
24. Last time you cried? - Yesterday, I laughed so hard tears filled my eyes

25. Desktop computer or a laptop? - Desktop

26. Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos? - No

27. What's the weather like? - Very cold

28. Would you ever date a girl/guy covered in tattoos? - No

29. What did you do before this? - Entered data into a database (yawn)

30. When is the last time you slept on the floor? - I don't think I ever have.

31. How many hours of sleep do you need to function? - 6 would be nice, but I rarely get more than 5

32. Do you eat breakfast daily? - Always

33. Are your days fast-paced? - No, they're quite the opposite.

34. What did you do last night? - Cuddled on the couch with Ron and watched TV programs I had taped on the VCR

35. Do you use sarcasm? - Who me? Never!

36. How old will you be turning on your next birthday? - not telling, but it isn't a major milestone

37. Are you picky about spelling and grammar? - Obsessively so

38. Have you ever been to Six Flags? - No

39. Do you get along better with the same sex or the opposite sex? - Both equally. It really depends on the individual.

40. Do you like mustard? - Yes, honey dijon, or mustard with other flavours added like roasted red pepper.

41. Do you sleep on your side? - Yes, part of the time

42. Do you watch the news? - Yes, every evening

43. How did you get one of your scars? - I made the mistake of taking all my clothes off and lying on a table in an operating room.

44. Who was the last person to make you mad? - My boss, who is unfamiliar with the concepts of common courtesy, respect and friendliness.


Please feel free to enjoy this meme on your blog.

Hypnotic

Click on the image above to see something truly amazing. You'll love it, I promise.

No, that's not my bum. It comes courtesy of Office Humour.

Widening My Scope

Writing for this blog is so much fun that I thought I'd venture beyond the confines of the blogosphere and try it in the real world. An opportunity presented itself and I told Ron I was going to submit a sample of my work. He warned me not to send in any spanking stories--and I didn't-- but he did have some good ideas for topics. I wish I had thought to write them all down, because it looks like I'll be needing them.

When I found out that my application had been accepted, Ron congratulated me, then told me that maybe I should submit my spanking stories after all. He said it would attract more readers. Maybe so, but I'm not ready for that step.

It was hard enough, after I had met the publication team, to fill out a short information sheet about myself. Real name that will appear in print? Vanilla email address? Facts about me that the readers could relate to? Gosh, am I ready to out myself? Oh, right, this isn't about TTWD.

It was harder still to submit to having a photograph taken. I promised Ron I wouldn't publish pictures of any part of my body on my blog. But there I was, standing in front of a camera, and a stranger was taking a picture of my . . . face. So people would recognize me. And maybe stop me in the supermarket . . .

I'll be getting comments and feedback on what I write, just as I do on my blog. Now, besides coming up with blogging ideas that have something to do with spanking, I will also be searching for topics that will be reasonably interesting and totally unrelated to OTK activities.

The downside is, the line between my vanilla world and my chocolate fudge ripple one is in danger of blurring. I hope I don't slip up in my hurry to meet a deadline, and send in an explicit implement story that was intended as a post on Hermione's Heart. It might boost circulation, but I don't intend to take that chance. My first task will be to decide how to keep my two types of writing separate. I use a memory stick to prepare all my blog posts, so I'll use a different one for my vanilla work. Maybe I'll paint the second one white or label it "vanilla". That should help.

I have no intention of letting my two worlds collide, but I really am excited about this.

Birthday Cards

Here are two birthday cards that Ron gave me many years ago.




He knows me well!


I bought this next one because you don't see spanko cards very often.

Heart is One Today

One year ago today, Hermione's Heart began to beat.

The past year has been a wonderful journey for me. Thank you, dear readers, for coming on that journey with me. I believe I've found my rung on the blogging ladder, and I'm quite pleased with the view.

One year ago, I never thought I would ever be saying this, but now I will. Thank you, dear Ron, for reading my blog occasionally, for encouraging me continually, for laughing at me with me frequently, and for motivating me regularly with spankings to keep me well-supplied with ideas.

Oh, and it's my birthday today too.

It's Time

We have a regular date for spanking each Sunday afternoon at four o'clock. The time rarely varies, even during football season -- imagine that, fans! This arrangement works well for us, because I like being able to mentally prepare in advance. My anticipation builds throughout the day, and I sneak glances at the clock starting around 3:15. By 3:59 I'm both eager and apprehensive, and I shiver when I hear the words "it's time" at four o'clock on the dot.

The funny thing is, the dogs always know when it's time, even before Ron says the words. They will start with a fixed stare. This soon gives way to dancing and spinning, then they scamper to the living room, where they bounce for their biscuits before being crated.

How do they know when it's almost four o'clock? I'm pretty sure they can read minds, so that's possibly the answer. But last week we realized it was much simpler than that. We have a wall clock that plays a different bird song each time the big hand is on the twelve. And that clock is a minute or two fast. They obviously recognize the four o'clock sound and take their cue from that.

Once we figured it out, we started joking about our "four o'clock frolic", both for the way the dogs were behaving and for our own imminent activities. Other choices were "four o'clock follies", "four o'clock friskies", and another one that Ron came up with, which I won't type here but you can probably guess!

Even a routine can be lots of fun!

Oh, and the four o'clock bird?

It's a woodpecker!

Friends Award

Angelbrat gave me this award:

“These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers.”

The Rules to accepting this award: “Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text in the body of their award.

Limiting my choice to eight was almost impossible, because I would like to send this award to all my friends. But I chose eight blogs who haven't already received the award (yet). I'm happy to pass this on to some of our newer bloggers as well as a few old friends! Please visit them all and tell them Hermione sent you. I'm sure you'll enjoy your time with each and every one of them.

Ms. Betty
Lil Sam
Devlin
Ronnie
Abby
Spanky
Cigi
Recidavist