Recap: Spanko Brunch 2.0 for May 19

Who first brought up spankings in your relationship?

Dan: For us, there were two different times that it was brought up, and I think of them as very distinct events though I brought it up both times. My first real exposure to the idea of adult spanking was in my late 30s. There was a segment of the old HBO series Real Sex devoted to adult spanking. I found it stimulating enough that I showed it to my wife. I don't recall much about it or her reaction, though we did play around a bit with erotic spanking after that. But, for various reasons it kind of fizzled, and it was never anything I cared that much about.

A few months after that first instance of bringing it up, I stumbled on the Disciplinary Wives Club website. Something about its domestic discipline variety of adult spanking hit me much, much harder than the erotic spanking depicted in the Real Sex segment. I thought about it constantly for two or three days before telling my wife about it. She reviewed the website and agreed to give it a try.

From that second beginning, it was always for discipline. In fact, one reason the first instance fizzled out was she became concerned that we were kind of play-acting fake spankings for real bad behavior, which might be reinforcing the bad behavior. We agreed that if we were going to bring spanking back into our relationship, it had to be "real." That's not to say that it doesn't have an erotic element for me. It clearly does. But, that's more of a byproduct than a goal in itself and, in fact, it's a paradoxical element because I genuinely do hate the spankings while they are happening even though thinking about them before and after definitely has an erotic charge.

Sage Blum: I brought it up to my vanilla partner, for sexual pleasure. I thought I would never have the courage to bring it up, but one day I just forced myself to. Just a few months ago. He was glad I brought it up. He says that if he'd had any idea that this was my kink--and that it would turn me on this much--and result in so much Ben and Jerry's and sex for him--he would have started spanking me a long time ago. 

It can be so scary to bring this subject up when you are with a partner you want to stay with but you don't know how they'll react. Some people can be cruel.

Some of us were lucky, at least part of the time, to find partners who are okay with our needs. But I expect there are some spankos who never get up the courage to risk bringing up the subject. I thought for a long time that I'd never do it, until I just made myself blurt it out one day. I was so relieved when my partner's reaction was: That's fine with me; I'll do anything you want for foreplay. 

Wendel: I do not really remember who brought it up first but it probably started with me threatening a birthday spanking. 

Roz: We were talking one night many years ago and somehow the conversation turned to spanking, so it was mutual. Initially it was for fun and sexual, but we decided we wanted to extend it beyond the bedroom and embarked on a domestic discipline dynamic. Our dynamic has gone through many changes since.

Jack: As I have said before I was looking for a woman to be in charge and found such. Getting caught masturbating was the first spanking and since then my wife/mommy has evolved it to ensure it serves its intended purpose.

Luvinhub: I honestly do not remember who brought it up first but I do know it was always about domestic discipline. 

Barrel: As the idea of spanking occurred over 40 years ago, I don’t recall how it came up. I am sure I brought it up as a prelude to heighten the imminent sexual engagement. I do recall our spankings didn’t flourish until I bought the first riding bat two years after we were married.

Bonnie: I think we both had this interest before we met, but we were tentative at first. We were lovers and that was the context. Once we started spanking, there was no turning back. We've since found lots of reasons, all of them valid.

Rosco: I brought it up, with some trepidation, a few months into our relationship. I could be a bottom, a top or both. I’d had this obsession since Moby Dick was a goldfish.

Irene didn’t flinch, thankfully. She’d try spanking me but had no interest in being spanked. So I’ve been a bottom ever since. Spankings are always for pleasure but part of role play that involves discipline and accompanied by lectures and other measures. So I’ve never really been able to answer the pleasure/punishment question.

This was 11 years after I delivered a series of spankings to Martha one night on the beach when we were playing around in the sand. The spankings were followed by an intense make out session that involved third base - my first experience of any kind.

I mentioned the idea of spanking to my first girlfriend, who had claimed to have an open mind. Her terse rejection discouraged me from trying again for quite some time. Looking back, I’m pretty sure I missed a few opportunities which I play back in my mind to this day with different outcomes - I imagine just how the right conversations that might have led to spanking etc.

One girlfriend said “this is my whip” rather quietly when she was removing a leather belt. I missed that chance, whatever it was. Two girls threatened to spank me with a hockey stick but laughed it off.

I couldn’t resist another girlfriend who had a somewhat oversized and very muscular bottom. I flipped her over, pulled up her skirt and spanked her - not hard but not gently. “I don’t think I like that”. she said.

These days, I am still obsessed, but I think Irene enjoys delivering a spanking at least as much as I enjoy receiving one.

A.J.: First time? She tricked me into spanking her. We were both spankos but out of fear of blowing the relationship, kept silent. So she found a devious (and fun!) way to get spanked by tricking me.

Her sexual arousal while otk was ample proof she loved it. And had to confess to that afterwards. And her great relief when I told her I loved spanking, too!

From that confessional moment our relationship began anew! 

Prefectdt: Never had anything more than a play relationship. So I will look to others' answers on this one.

Mark: Definitely me in our relationship. Wife also has no interest in being spanked so it's always me on the receiving end... although I wouldn't be opposed to providing the spanking if it was something that she desired.

Hermione: Neither of us; it just happened. In my previous relationship, I had brought up the subject, and it was not well received, so I was reluctant to try again with Ron. But one night, he began spanking me while we were making love, and didn't stop until I had an orgasm. That was the start, and we both agreed afterward that it was quite a turn-on.

Jack: Thank you, Hermione, for presenting this subject. No matter if for pleasure or punishment, it benefits the marriage. I hope more women found that applying a firm hand the results will be a better husband and understands the need of the woman. My wife/mommy loves me, the reason for the spankings, and also because her mother told her, no matter how old there still little boys that need a mommy to guide them. So Thank you Hermione, appreciate it.

Jack, you are very welcome.

Slava Ukraini
Glory to Ukraine