Not About Birching

I'll admit I wrote one post about birching. Not that it would provide much fodder for sexual fantasy or arousal. It was a pretty mild post. Still, it draws people to this blog. Here is a small sample of the text typed into Google that brings them here.

birching stories	Victorian birching young ladies
birched stories	birched on bottoms
birch rod stories	bottoms birched
birched ladies	birches in brine
birching her	birches soaked in brine
birching	birching a woman
birch rod	stories birching punishment
birch soaking	birched ladies severe punishment stories
been birched	birched young ladies caning stories
birched she was	very painful birching
girl birched	birching my bottom stories
round bottom birching	brine soaked birch

The most interesting fact is the source of these searches. In most (but not all) instances, if I look at the country of origin of one of these queries, this is what I see:


The British do have a fascination for birching. I'm glad my post on the subject is encouraging them to visit me. But, er, this post isn't about birching either.
Sorry.

Benched!

The past few weeks have been hectic, and the weather certainly complicated matters. Often, spankings took a back seat to snow shoveling, which used up all our energy. By the time the weather had settled down--albeit briefly--I was very much overdue for some attention. Ron chose my favourite leather paddle and, while explaining and then demonstrating to me exactly why it was his favourite too, he made up for the delay and then some. When he was finally finished, I had a smile on my face and a bottom that stayed red for several hours.

I was still feeling the afterglow when some friends arrived to spend the evening. Once coats and boots had been stored away and everyone was seated in the living room, I looked for a place to sit. Wouldn't you know it, the only vacant place was the piano bench. The hard, unpadded, wooden bench. I perched on the edge and my cheeks winced in protest. After a few minutes of polite conversation I got up to get snacks from the kitchen, and managed to avoid sitting by being a very attentive hostess.

Dinner was no easier. The dining room chairs are also wooden, and unadorned with any sort of cushion. The meal took my mind off my predicament, and I found reasons to be up and about fairly often, clearing plates, refilling glasses, or whatever else I could think of doing.

Once the table had been cleared, I had to return to the bench for the rest of the evening. While on a brief trip outdoors to supervise the dogs on a biological break, I looked at the large snowbanks and thought how good the cold snow would feel on my stinging bottom. I was very tempted, but thought of the very obvious impression my posterior would leave in the snow and resisted the impulse.

So, note to self: no spanking allowed less than 24 hours before we have company look for a piano bench cushion in the January sales.

Supersize Me

Here's a great search string somebody recently used to find me:

hermones pills to make my butt bigger

I get all kinds of variations on the spelling of Hermione, so that's why this search led the reader to my blog. I assume they meant hormones.

Inquiring minds want to know, so I Googled it and found the same question here. Apparently there is a pill! And cheeseburgers and anal sex also work.

While I was there, I also found out how to acquire a bubble butt.

Dietary advice given includes chocolate, eggs, chicken and milk. Exercise was mentioned several times, but alas, anal sex wasn't.

And finally, for bigger boobs, try rubbing them with lavender or drinking milk.
Who knew?

Location, Location

The Platinum Lounge, a lap dancing club in Chester, England, has come up with the idea of selling advertising space on the dancers' bare bottoms. A spokesman said the ads are a "cheeky bit of fun" but also a serious, "interesting and unusual way for people to get their businesses noticed."

Read the full story here. It includes a telephone number and an email address so that interested businesses may contact the club.

Since the club has a wide variety of clients from all walks of life, I think that would be an excellent way for some of the popular implement vendors to advertise. 

Looking Back

Some months ago I told you about an especially frightening pervertible that lives in our kitchen.

The last time I visited my dentist, he noticed that one of my front teeth, which had been repaired several years ago, seemed to be weakening. "Be careful eating baguettes," he cautioned me. How did he know?

When I got home, I paraphrased the warning and told Ron I wasn't able to eat baguettes any more, so we might as well give away our baguette board.

Too bad, but dental care is expensive.

Bratting

According to a recent article in the New York Times, people in America have become less courteous toward performers. Pauline Wallin believes this rise in heckling is because people are brattier now. These children of the Consciousness Movement have grown up self-centred, and their children are also self-centred.

Looks like somebody needs a spanking. 

It's 2009!

I wish each and every one of you an abundance of happiness, health, and spankings in the year ahead.

Hugs,
Hermione