Finish this Sentence

Let's have some fun completing this sentence:

Hermione is the type of woman who ...

You know the drill. Finish the sentence in any way you like, the sillier the better, in the comments section below. I will publish all your sentences on Saturday. Go ahead. Do your best (or worst!)

Reader Participation Again

It's time for the final part of A.J.'s true story, as told to him by his friend David. If you need to refresh your memory, read part 1 and part 2 before continuing. Now over to you, A.J.

Here's where we left off:

In one minute, after 120 smacks, Molly pauses.  David's bottom is very pink and he can feel a little heat back there but it's not bad. So far.  Molly looks at David's now-red butt, then looks to her female guests asks, "Whaddya think?  Done?"

David, still otk, with his bare and red-bottom still on display, has heard all the comments during Molly's pause. And is probably smiling at them.

Then he hears Molly announce:  "Well, it looks pretty good.  But, let's give him just a little bit more and really drive the point home."

Uh-oh!

Then Molly asks Susie to open the drawer in the side table next to her and, "Hand me one of those...any one of them will do."

Susie opens the drawer and pulls out a hairbrush.  She hands it to Molly.

Molly takes it and with the same brisk determination as in her hand spanking, goes to work on David's bare bottom.  Like her hand spanking it is not particularly hard; she is not hitting full force by any means, but it is a hairbrush and those damn things hurt no matter who you are!  David really feels it.  With each smack of that brush he yelps or gasps, his teeth are gritted together, his legs come off the floor, and he's "buckin' n' rearin'" (love that expression) on Molly's lap.  He wants to yell but he can't let the women think him a wuss.  He's hanging on.  Barely.  Praying it will be over soon.

But the girls have places to go and things to do, so David's prayers are answered and it quickly ends.  The last part of his spanking with that damn hairbrush is all over in 15 seconds, or about 30 smacks with the back of the brush.  Molly then says to David,  "OK!  You're done!  Get up."

With that David slides off her lap and, kneeling in front of Molly, begins furiously rubbing his sore, bright red bottom.  He looks at Molly and says, "Whooooo!  That was something!"  and smiles.  He smiles!  And Molly, still seated and looking at David, smiles right back at him; "Glad to do it!"  They're both smiling!  The girls see that.  It's all good.

Molly gets up, puts the spanking chair back and sees to her guests as they get ready to leave.  She says to them that she hopes they have a great night out and, if David is any problem, well, "just let me know for the next time I see him" (and you know what she means by that!)

Meanwhile, David has gotten to his feet and now has his clothing back in order. This takes only seconds. David hugs Molly good-bye and escorts the girls out the door.

From the time they arrived in Molly's apartment to the time they departed, about 15 minutes have elapsed. It was that quick.

And here is where David let me down in telling his story. He ended it with his walking out the door, smiling, arm-in-arm with the girls.  Full stop. Nothing more.  Oh, crap! David never revealed what the girls said to him after.

They walk down the hall, with the girl's eyes probably glimmering in excitement and faces just full of smiles, barely holding back laughter (I hope). They all get in the elevator; there is no one else is in that elevator, just the four of them. They have him all to themselves.  What did they say to David?

In my imagination they are all kind, teasing, and solicitous to him; "Does it hurt?"  "You poor boy."  "Will you need a pillow at the next club or are you just going to stand?" Maybe a friendly little rub/pat on the poor lad's bottom?  Maybe "You paid her how much to do that?  Hell, I'd do it for half that." (That, of course, would be Mary, the future Mrs. A.J.)

And what happened later at the nightclub, where there might be a more one-on-one conversation between David and one of the girls?  What do they talk about then?

So here are your questions:
1.    What would you, Susie, and Mary say to David in that elevator?
2.    What, if later alone with David, one-on-one, do you, Susie, or Mary say to or ask David?
3.    Ever think what it would be like for you to be David?  Or Molly?

Have fun with your answers.

Recap: Spanko Brunch 2.0 for August 27

What is the funniest or most creative reason you have been given for a spanking?

Hands63: Looked out the window one night and saw a full moon. My wife suggested I bend over and imitate. You could say she eclipsed my moon with her paddle

Roz: This is a great question! Unfortunately I can't think of a funny excuse we have used for a spanking off the top of my head, though there have been plenty of fun spankings :)

Jan: Hi Hermione, most of ours are totally fabricated and we always end up laughing. He has even been known to spank me for not being naughty enough to earn a spanking!

Yorkie: No excuses but usually around this time of year the reason for her to spank me is easy ...our wedding anniversary!

Ronnie: Funny, I can't think of any at the moment but I know there must have been some.

Hermione: The reason that usually makes me laugh is when Ron tells me I am getting a spanking "because it's Saturday".


Thank you all for sharing those reasons. If anyone else remembers a funny reason for a spanking, feel free to leave a comment.

Spanko Brunch 2.0 #191

Welcome! I'm glad you dropped by. You're just in time for brunch, so grab a sandwich and find a soft seat. We're ready to start another discussion about spanking. This topic is an oldie but a goodie from Bonnie.

What is the funniest or most interesting excuse you or your partner have used to "justify" a spanking?

Leave your reply in the comments section below, and once everyone has had a chance to speak, I will publish a summary of our discussion.

You Completed the Caption

KDPierre: Little did Fanny, the bicycle-riding nanny, know that the poem she was writing would one day be rediscovered and set to music.

"Are you gonna take me home tonight, Oh down beside that red firelight?
Are you gonna let it all hang out? Fat bottomed girls, You make the rockin' world go round"

Baxter: Ok so the rules are if the boss catches me goofing off, he will spank me. Well I hope he catches me soon as my legs are getting tired in this position.

Anon: Not only was Miss Danvers' approach to her job much much too casual for the management of the staid firm for which she worked, but her habit of putting her feet up and displaying not only her ankles but the curves of her calves was distracting the male employees to the point that they were unable to complete their work on time. Her boss, Mr. Chester, was finally told by the company president that enough was enough, and that he'd better take her in hand if he hoped to keep his job.

After some thought, Mr. Chester decided that rather then fire the woman, the best course of action would be to call Miss Danvers into his office and put the disruptive young lady across his lap for some overdue discipline.

When Miss Danvers complained about having her skirt raised, Mr. Chester quipped, "Since you have no qualms about teasing me and your coworkers by improperly exposing your legs, I see no reason not to give me a full showing of your wares. And if you don't stop all this squirming and fighting, I'll take you out into the office and give everyone an eyeful of more than the seat of your knickers being paddled!"

Once Mr. Chester was done applying the ruler to Miss Danvers' upturned bottom, he sat the young woman down at her desk, taking care to make sure she was properly situated with her feet on the floor and her sore bottom planted in the chair, and ordered her and the rest of his employees to get back to work or their pay would be docked. He then explained to the recalcitrant young lady as she wriggled uncomfortably in her seat, that future antics would result in a public spanking on her bare bottom followed by her dismissal from her job.

Miss Danvers told Mr. Chester she understood and would do her best, but wondered if he would be open to giving her some private disciplinary sessions if she felt herself in need of an attitude adjustment. Mr. Chester was delighted by the proposal, and with his firm-handed guidance Miss Danvers became an exemplary employee, eventually married Mr. Chester, quit her job, and went on to live a very full life as a well spanked wife and mother.

js666: Because the boss always spanked on the lowest part of her bottom, Maisie found that she could put her weight on the upper part and thereby manage to sit through her shift.

Sweetspot: Dear Stupid Typewriter Company: There's a reason why I'm writing this letter with a pen instead of using your lame typewriter....

Dear Diary - Today I invented what I'm calling the stationary bicycle...

Dear Joan - So the boss comes up to me all huffy like and says, "Young lady, I'll teach you to waste company time!" And I reply, "No need Mr. Hopple I already figured that out on my own."

Dear Hermione - I've done everything I know to do to get Mr. Lovejoy to spank me. I keep my feet on the desk, I rode my bike right into the office! I've tried teasing him and wasting company time on idle gossip - I've even smoked a cigarette or two - but no luck. Any ideas?
Fanny

Sir Wendel: A good paddling will teach her not to put her feet on the desk.

Hermione: Since Mr. Smithers hadn't taken his bicycle, she knew he would be a very long time walking back from head office, so she had plenty of time for tweeting.

Thank you all for your clever captions. They gave me a real lift! See you all at brunch, coming up next.

Friday FAIL

All the news that's fit to print!

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Complete the Caption

Somebody isn't getting her work done today. Is the boss out of the office? Is she on strike for higher wages?

Complete the caption, as usual, by leaving a comment. I will have your results compiled and published by Saturday.

More Reader Participation

Today I have the second installment of A.J.'s real-life story that requires your participation. Refresh your memory by taking a quick look at part one here. Now I'll hand the microphone over to A.J.

Thank you for your comments on part one.  David is not an ex of Molly's. ( "Mollie" is actually "Molly". I had the wrong spelling. [Corrected in part one - Ed.] Molly is a pro who makes her living giving spankings and more (not sex) in person and in videos. She is paid to do this and David is one of her clients.

So, David has tricked three women on a girls' night out to come with him to see Molly, not knowing Molly is going to spank him.

Let's continue from where we left off.

Molly, with her eyes focused on "the target", immediately raises her right arm up high into the air....

And down her arm and hand comes onto David's right cheek with a firm, hard SLAP!  And another, left cheek!  And another!  Right cheek!  Left cheek!  Right cheek!

Molly's lips are not pursed, her brow not furrowed, not in anger.  To Molly, it's just another day at the office. Molly spanks briskly, two firm smacks per second, (Marching music cadence, think of your college fight song and keep time with the smacks. "On Wisconsin, On Wisconsin, Smack, Smack, Smack, Smack, Smack..." (you're humming it to yourself right now, aren't you?)

Molly is not spanking hard, but certainly firm. It's not a particularly hard or vicious spanking, but David definitely feels each smack and may give a little "Ummm" or "Oooh!" with some smacks, but he doesn't complain or move off Molly's lap.  It may not be very hard, but David is definitely getting a good, brisk spanking.

About 15 seconds in (about 30 smacks) Molly looks up without missing a beat, makes eye contact with the girls, gives them a little wink and smile, and continues to spank.  At the 30-second mark Molly announces with each smack, "I. Hope. You. Are. Getting. The. Message. David."  David can only give a breathless, "Yes! Ummm! Yes!"

In one minute - only one minute. - it stops!  Because the girls have places to go and things to do.  In one minute, after 120 smacks, Molly pauses.  David's bottom is very pink and he can feel a little heat back there, but it's not too bad. So far.

Molly looks at David's now-red butt, then looks to her female guests and asks, "Whaddya think?  Done?"

And here we pause again.  Molly has stopped and asked a question.  She has opened a conversation.  The women have to respond.

1.    What would you say to Molly?
2.    What do Susie and Mary say to her?
3.    Do they say, "You go girl"?  Or "That's so neat!" Or "Yes, he's had enough."
4.    Or are they shocked into speechless?

These questions are for the women to answer, but the guys can jump in.  Let's hear what you would say and what you think your gal pals Susie and Mary would have said. I have a pretty good idea what the Hermione reader is thinking and would say, but I still want to hear it.

I'm going to break ranks here and give my fantasy thoughts right now. My fantasy is that Susie, always the smart mouth, points at David's red bottom and says, "Look.  You missed a spot."  (Gawd, I love her.)
And Mary, the future Mrs. A.J., says,  "Can I try that?"

Let's see your answers and then I'll continue with the final part of the story.

Readers, it's your turn. What do you think?

Recap: Spanko Brunch 2.0 for August 21

What part does vocalizing play in your spankings? Is it possible to refrain from it?

A.J. When she is over my knee I think it's important to hear her and listen for the clues as to whether I'm spanking her properly. An "Umm", "Yes", or "More...faster", tells me something; "OW!" tells me something completely different.

When the roles are reversed, I don't think I'd be the only male to not be so vocal, because, well...the penis! Ownership of one implies you gotta take a bit more. To a point. Life's a bitch, sometimes.
That said, with one exception, no woman who has ever had me OTK took me that far.

A "handkerchief or towel"? Never used or need one, so I have no experience to relate.

As I have said before, I only play with spanking for the sheer sexiness of it. "Punishment" is not my thing. Bright-pink bottoms that lead to other "entertainments", well - YEAH!

Simon: My Mistress prefers me to take my punishment quietly so unless I'm told to count the strokes I normally suffer in silence although the occasional stroke in the wrong place (too high or too low) may result in a grunt. I don't punish ladies that often and the ladies I do punish are all quite stoical so make very little noise, I sometimes wonder what it would be like to punish a vocal lady, after all in videos the young ladies tend to make a lot of noise. I've been lucky enough to punish a lady who makes videos and who is very vocal in them but despite my best efforts I couldn't get a peep out of her. When we talked afterwards she explained that over reaction is expected in most films but that it seemed a bit like cheating in real life.

Roz: Rick prefers vocal reactions as a gauge so I can't recall having to be quiet. I tend to grunt more than anything, but there have been the odd occasions we were worried the neighbours might bang down the door lol.

Amy: Always worried about kids and neighbors, I'm usually silent in the closet or over his knee in our room. However, his telltale sign is when I put my hand back. That's how he knows he's got me.

Jan: Hi Hermione, I couldn't keep quiet if I tried.

Fondles: I could probably stay quiet-ish, except for maybe intakes of breath (or loud exhalations...) but i suspect the sounds i make gives BIKSS an idea of how much pain I'm experiencing, and he can adjust his swats accordingly if he chooses to.

Arched one: We have been lucky in that we have always lived where our house is some distance from our neighbors so no fear of them hearing. Robyn loves to hear the ouches and ows when spanking me as she then knows she is doing a good job and when the feet start kicking she knows I'm paying attention. Never used gags as she loves the sounds I make.

Jack: Being heard, my wife states as her hands or hairbrush lands on my bottom, I should have not done what I did to get a spanking. Trust me, with what ever she uses to redden and warm my bare bottom I cannot help but be heard.

Wilma: If we are at home- which is 99% of the time, I am pretty much silent. Silent that is if you don't count hissing. When we have gone away, I can be as loud as I like. I have to say it does make it much easier to let go when I don't have to concentrate on keeping quiet.

P: Because our kids spend Friday nights at my parents home, it is on Friday night that I am punished. It never stops until she sees tears and hears begging for it to stop!

Katie: I'm not that loud during a spanking. Probably because we used to have more kids home, and had to be quiet. I definitely come out with some "OWWWW HONEY" vocals, etc. Depends on the spanking, and whether our daughter is home re: the decibels in response to the attention to my bottom.

KB: I'm pretty quiet but if I was told I had to be quiet I don't think I could!

Yorkie: I'm usually silent because we have kids (all adults now though) and I don't want to frighten her but have been getting a bit more vocal, to a limit, lately. I've had to as due to our circumstances we've had to keep the spankings short and sweet so I told her to make them harder which means white knuckles grabbing the bed sheets and just a little water in the eyes. Fantastic!

Ronnie: Hard to keep quiet. If I'm told to be quiet I have to stuff my mouth with some of the duvet.

Hermione: Last Saturday afternoon Ron was administering a very effective spanking, using his usual assortment of noisy paddles. I was verbally announcing the effect they were having on my bottom. All of a sudden Ron stopped and said, "I forgot to close the window." Our bedroom is close to the house next door, and while our neighbour probably wasn't outside, she might have been. Her other neighbour often comes over to help her with yard work. What if they were both outside, listening?

I immediately suppressed all my squeaks and squeals. I figured that she wouldn't know what the slapping sounds were. I could always say Ron was building something and she had heard various hammers. But no way would she understand why she was hearing "Ow, ow, ow, OW!" So I pressed my lips together firmly and held back the sounds.

It was harder than I thought and took quite a lot of willpower to stay silent. I almost stuffed a bit of the bedspread into my mouth but thought of the dog hair on it and changed my mind. Besides being difficult to suppress my sounds, I felt it wasn't as gratifying to Ron. He didn't know what I was  feeling since my verbal cues were missing. Nevertheless, he managed to deliver a thorough spanking.

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts on the topic. See you again soon!

Spanko Brunch 2.0 #190

Welcome back to another spanko brunch. Last weekend I had an interesting experience that became the inspiration for this week's topic. We all know that spankings are usually noisy, and that much of the sound comes from the spankee's mouth. "Ow! Ouch! Stop! Don't stop!" are just a few of the noises that are familiar to all of us.

How important to you is vocalization during a spanking? If you had to refrain from vocalizing, could you do it unaided? Would you need some physical help—a handkerchief or towel, for example? If you have had this experience, how did it feel?

As always, please tell me your thoughts in the comment section below.  I will publish a summary of our discussion on Monday.

You Finished this Sentence

Someone should invent...

KDPierre: Someone should invent a pocket-sized "hypocrisy mirror", so that when confronted by a hypocrite, you can hold up the mirror so they can see their own true reflection...kind of like Dorian Gray's portrait.

Leigh: Someone should invent a 'do over' button, or a mouth filter that screened your words before being blurted out, like mine.

Michael M: Someone should invent an "I like spanking " app which sends off a message to a phone nearby, that is also set to "I like spanking". Each phone buzzes quietly and away you go. Makes for an interesting start to a conversation and means you don't have to wonder or make the wrong move.

Eonz: Someone should invent a long distance remote control spanking mobile app.
This way when a lady needs a spanking and is not near her significant other, she can follow his orders, place it in her back pocket and let the phone do its business at his command. (It would have to be a high powered jolt more so than the vibrate feature on most phones.)

Baxter: Someone should invent a spanking app, kind of an Uber for spanking. You go on and request a spanking and the app directs you to locations nearby where you can get spanked.

Belsteph: A computer controlled spanking machine. You indicate the location of the upturned bare bottom, select a severity and a duration, and it applies paddle blows with explosive stinging force.

Hermione: Someone should invent a portable self-spanking machine that would fit into a handbag or backpack, for those times when I really need a spanking but there is no one around to do it for me. 

Developers, I hope you are reading this. Get to work on those apps!

Friday FAIL

Advertising in days gone by was seriously sexist and very un-P.C. Take a look at these ads from over 50 years ago.

Ad executives would be paddled for creating ads like these today.

Finish this Sentence

The last time we played Finish this Sentence it was a great success, so let's play round two today.

Someone should invent...

Finish the sentence in the comments section below.  Your sentence can be related to spanking, but as you well know, anything goes! I will publish a list of your sentences on Saturday.

Reader Participation

This isn't going to be the usual selection of fiction from the top shelf. Instead, one of my regular readers has written a true story in three parts, and he would like you all to participate as the story unfolds. I will let A.J. explain it in his own words. Over to you, A.J.

I finally got around to writing a story that I heard and that has interested me for over 10 years, and I would love your opinion/reactions.  I have recreated that story and added a bit for clarity.  While I cannot guarantee whether the story is absolutely true or some made-up fantasy by the original author, I believe it is a true story.

Why? Because I know the female lead in this story!  Yeah!  How about that!

"Know" as in we correspondeded via email years ago in setting up a meeting for when I next came to New York City, and we spoke on the phone once or twice.  That was the limit of our contact.  The logistics never worked out so I never actually got to meet with her (dammit).  Her name is Molly, she definitely lived in New York City, and would - without hesitation - agree to do this.  That is my only reason for believing this story is true.  That, and I want it to be true.

The story, one of those "what ever happened to (Name)?" stories, appealed to me at first reading because it sounded like fun, but intrigued the heck out of me more for what the author didn't say than for what he did.  And for that, I appeal to you, dear reader.  But first some admin.

My re-creation of this story is from memory, so it is what it is.  I want the opinion of Hermione's female readers, but guys - feel free to join in.  Wise-ass comments are always fun, too!

There are three women in this story, but before I repeat it, for the female readers, I want you to think of two people you know, both female between the ages of 25 and your age, not married, and not with someone in a relationship that has progressed to the point of becoming serious.  This could be a neighbor, a co-worker, a relative, preferably someone you consider a friend, someone with whom you could easily see yourself having a "girls' night out".

Does she know you are a fan and reader of Hermione's blog or others like it?  No.
Do you know each other's sex lives??  Probably not.  (But women talk.  A lot!  About things guys do not talk about to other guys, so I'm on thin ice here.)

Guys, if you participate same rules for you, too.  Two female acquaintances whose behind-closed-doors-life you do not know, but can only guess.

Got it?  Three people: you are one of the three, plus two of your friends.  Need time to think about which friends?  Fine.  I'll wait.

(Jeopardy theme plays...)

Got them?  Good!  Let's call one "Susie", the other "Mary", and begin.

David is a nice guy.  Period.  Everyone who has ever met him likes him.  He is successful career- and financially-wise, good-looking, and smart.  And a real character.  David is the life of any party.  He is not obnoxious but if he comes to a party he is going to do his damned best to make sure it is a great one.  When David comes into a room, it lights up.  People are always glad to see him because he is fun and unpredictable; willing to take any dare. The phrase, "Hold my beer...now watch this", was invented specifically for David. Everyone has a fun "David" story.

Got him in mind? It's after work and David has an appointment later that evening, so rather than going home and then coming back, David hits a favorite bar to kill some time. He steps inside, he hears his name called out and sees "you" and the two other women you have picked, having a girls' night out, and calling him to join them.  He does, and starts picking up the tab because - he's David!  That's what he does.

And they are all having fun.  But now it comes to the point where the girls have planned to hit another nightclub and, "David!  Why don't you come with us?"

David begs off saying he has that appointment.

The girls:  "Oh, c'mon.  Can't you get out if it?  Three hot girls? Who have had too much to drink?  You're going to turn that down?  How often does that happen?  Please...."

David:  "I don't know.  Let me make a call and find out."

David goes off to make a call.  He soon returns and says, "OK.  I can do it, but only if we stop on the way for a couple of minutes.  It will be quick, interesting, and I'll pick up the cab fare - and you can get the first round at the next club."  (David lied.  He would never let them pick up the tab.)

It's a deal and off they go!

They come to an apartment building, get in the elevator to the 20th floor, and knock on one of the apartment doors.  Molly answers and invites them all in.  Molly is tall, about 5'10, attractive with brown curly hair, slender, and pleasant.  She is dressed like anyone else at home on a work week night, something similar to what you would wear at your home.  And her apartment - well, it looks like your place.  Just a normal apartment in the big city.

Molly has all the women sit and, with David standing nearby, then says, "I've known David for a while and he tells me he is going to escort you on your night out.  But David sometimes needs to be reminded to behave himself.  And, since you have places to go and things to do, I need to get started.

With that Molly points to David, says, "Drop 'em!", all the while moving a formerly unnoticed armless straight-backed chair into position, and sits. By the time she is seated David's slacks (not jeans) have hit his ankles, Molly says, "Get over" and David goes OTK.  Immediately she grabs his boxers and says "Lift".  David lifts himself above her lap about an inch, and in one "Swoosh!" - David's shorts join his slacks.  He is over her knee with bare bottom up. 

This is happening fast!  From the time Molly said, "I've known David for a while..." to this point, only about 15-20 seconds have elapsed! 

Molly, with her eyes focused on "the target", immediately raises her right arm up high into the air....

OK, let's pause here. It's reader participation time.

You know by now what is about to happen, as do Susie and Mary.  David has surprised them all by bringing them to watch him getting a spanking.  Oh, sweet Baby Jeebus, rapture me up.  Surprised as all heck, everyone's eyes must be the size of golf balls. And David must know it, too, and be quietly laughing to himself at the thought of surprising the heck out of them like this.

So, some questions:

1.    What is going through your mind when you realize what is about to happen?
2.    More important, what is Susie thinking?  What is Mary thinking?
3.    Are any of the three of you thinking "Get me out of here!!!!"?
4.    Or are you all thinking, "You go girl!", or a combination of 3&4?
5.    Guys - have at it.

The reason I initially asked that all the women not be married or not in a relationship at this moment is because it possibly could put them into a position where there might be repercussions.  "You were in a room with a guy with his pants off...?  Getting spanked?"  A husband/significant other may not appreciate that.

So, let's get your thoughts/answers, and then I'll continue with part 2 of the story.

Thank you, A.J., for that stimulating beginning. Readers, it's over to you.

Recap: Spanko Brunch 2.0 for August 13

What post on your blog has been viewed most often?

Dan: Well, this one came as a surprise. First was a "guestbook" of sorts that I keep on the blog. That probably makes some sense since it is more an ongoing feature than a post. The top real post is on "Caning Tips & Methods" which is ironic because we don't actually use the cane. I kind of want to because it is so iconic, but when we have tried it just hasn't worked well for us. Hence, in that post I asked for people's advice on how a cane should be used.

Roz: This is a great question, it's always interesting looking at blogger stats. In April 2013 Ami Starsong and I both published companion posts on tolerance levels to spanking from our own experiences. That has remained my top post since.

KDPierre: According to Blogger it's this one: "Spanking by Committee"

Ironically, I personally would not rate my top posts by popularity as my top posts by quality. But looking at their catchy titles, I understand why certain posts get the attention they do. It is my firm belief that an enticing title that tickles someone's prurient curiosity will outperform the most eloquent post. I actually prefer to measure a post's success by the quality of the comments it gets. Sheer numbers are a popularity contest based on flash over substance...pretty much like anything in our internet culture. Certain key words are like bait! LOL

Knowing this, it is sometimes fun to title a post with something that will lure in a reader, even if it is a bit misleading in content.

abby: First of all thanks...I never knew how to check my stats and now I do! Leatherlicious Friday was my all time high.

Katie: Hi Hermione!:) This is a great way to gather everyone's top read posts! For me, it used to be a post called "It's Only Coffee. Or is it?" Now, "The Unwanted Spanking?" has almost a thousand more views than that one. It explores the nuances of a specific discipline spanking, and then some.

Hands63: I'm not a blogger but I have to agree with what kdpierre mentioned. The "enticing" titles always grab my attention first.

Leigh: Hi Hermione - I had seen this somewhere and looked it up but never did anything about it, pretty much standard for me lately. Anyway, I did remember the title and used the search button. It's Saddle Sore.

Ronnie: Mine is Spanked to Orgasm (I re-posted it on Friday) which surprised me as I thought it would have been one of my 'In with the New' posts.

Amy: Hello Hermione! I'm so touched that you posted my idea on your Sunday Brunch. I look forward to playing along every week. :) My most viewed is "Spankings Wait for No One".

Hermione: My most-viewed post is a story called Juliette Takes the Strap. In fact, the three most-viewed posts are all from the Top Shelf series.

Thank you all for sharing your most popular posts. I enjoyed reading each one.

Spanko Brunch 2.0 #189

Hello and come on in. You're just in time for another exciting spanko brunch. This week's topic was suggested by Amy, and I invite all bloggers to weigh in on this one.

What is your most-viewed blog post?

Both Blogger and WordPress have statistics that will give you the answer.

• In Blogger, from the dashboard click on Stats, Posts, and in the upper right click on All Time.
•  In WordPress, from the dashboard click on Site Stats and you will see Best Ever.

Please include both the title and the link to your most-viewed post in your comment below so we can all visit and make those posts even more popular.

For non-bloggers, you may join in by telling us what your favourite post is on any blog you choose.

I will provide a summary on Monday.

You Completed the Caption

Anon: Hilda was enjoying the way the cool water eased the pain of her sore bottom when she was startled by a little fish that was drawn to the heat ensnaring from her recently paddled posterior.

Amy: "Kiss my ass!"

KDPierre: Sonny the Sunfish always regretted not having been born a piranha, but seeing Hilda's ample posterior jiggling through the pond was just the encouragement he needed to finally decide to live life on his own terms. So "bravo, Sonny" for having the courage to latch onto your dreams and never let go!

Simon: Little did Hilda know that her bottom was the perfect bait for the very rare Bottom Biting Bass.

Hands63: That's what you call "trolling" for fish.

Ronnie: If you do that one for time, I'll be having you for my dinner.

Sir Wendel: That’s not what I meant by “Bottom Fishing”

Hermione: Hilda couldn't run fast enough in the water to escape the dreaded Paddlefish.

Ha! Thanks to all of you. I loved each one!

Friday FAIL

Some people take signs a little too literally.

Thank goodness it's Friday!

Complete the Caption

Our friend Hilda is back in the water again, and her bottom seems to attract attention wherever she goes!

Complete the caption by leaving a comment and I will publish a roundup on Saturday.

From the Top Shelf - The Heirloom

You're in for a real treat today! It's another story by regular reader KDPierre. He has given me permission to reprint his stories here, and I plan to take advantage of his kind offer. Today's story has a little of this and a little of that, so it will appeal to both M/F and F/M spankos. I hope you enjoy it.

The Heirloom

At the sound of the backdoor opening, newlywed Rosa Araya-Menzel looked up from her laptop to catch her new husband Colin slapping the rain from his shoulders. “Hey cutie, you were gone a while,” she noted as he tousled his hair. “I thought you were just going to drop off the extra set of Honeymoon pictures and come right back?” She mock-pouted, “I missed you.”

“Sorry, Honey, but my Mom surprised me with something,” Colin explained as he held up an antique wooden case. “Check this out. Family heirloom.” The case looked to be a century old.

“What is it?”

“You won’t believe it,” Colin smirked. “I know I didn’t.” Resting the cherry box in front of the curious bride, he slid two tarnished latches aside and pulled open the hinged lid. Inside Rosa beheld a beautifully polished paddle made from an exotic wood nestled into a velveted cutout exactly its same shape.

“Oh my! It’s beautiful!” Rosa cooed. “It’s cocobolo isn’t it? We have this back in Costa Rica.”

Colin blinked in surprise. “Yes. That’s what my mother said it was. I never even heard of it before tonight though.” Scratching his damp head with a wince he added, “actually I learned a lot of things tonight that I never knew before.”

“Oh is that so? Sounds very interesting. How about you get us a couple of saisons and then you can fill me in?”

“O.K. dear, I think you might find the history behind this little artifact quite amusing.” Colin warned with a grin as he opened the special wine refrigerator they used for chilling Belgian ale.

As he popped the cork and poured Rosa couldn’t help but ask why his mother of all people had given them a paddle. “It’s not like we’re open about our private lifestyle, dear. How did your Mom know we’d want a paddle?”

Colin snickered. “She didn’t. In fact she turned about ten shades of red as she told me the story behind the paddle and why she was giving it to me. She even suggested that we could use it as a cheese board.”

“A cheese board? This beauty?” Rosa shook her head decidedly. “No way.”

“Well you know my Mom, ever practical.” Then with beer in hand, Colin began his family history lesson. “First of all this story is about my Mom’s side of the family, the Entwistles, not the Menzel side, and it goes back to when my Great-great-grandfather Theophilus Entwistle married my Great-great-grandma, Hedwig Stump, back in 1898. Turns out old Hedwig—or young Hedwig back then—was a feisty handful and Theophilus had no end of trouble trying to keep her in line. Several times he even took her across his lap to try to teach her to behave like a good wife—don’t snicker,” Colin admonished his bride with a wide grin. “Remember this is like 1899, women couldn’t even vote. Anyway he tried, but old Hedwig inherited what the family jokingly referred to as the Stump rump.”

“Stump rump? And you don’t want me to snicker?” Rosa teased.

“Well you can laugh at that. It seems a lot of people did, except probably my Great-great-grandfather. You see it seems the Stump family had these exceptionally stout and densely solid behinds that would make a mule’s backside seem dainty by comparison. So when old Theophilus spanked her she only laughed at him. He even supposedly took up a bread board only to have it split in two before having any effect. So now at his wit’s end he wrote to his brother, Elisha, bemoaning his marital state and confessing his fear that under the current circumstances neither his marriage nor his health could long survive. Now by this time it was around 1901 and Elisha was working on the Panama Canal doing preliminary surveys for John Frank Stevens and the Gatun Dam. When he read his brother’s letter, he decided to mail back a parcel of cocobolo slabs which he had heard were not only handsome pieces of local lumber but exceptionally strong.”

“It is,” Rosa confirmed. “They take the pieces from the heart of the tree.”

“Is that so?” Colin nodded. “Well, anyway when Theophilus got the package, he took the widest slab to a local cabinet maker who transformed the curious chunk into the magnificent paddle you see before you. And now armed with this little lovely, Theophilus once again engaged battle with Hedwig and her Stump rump. Only this time her posterior—tough as it was—could not stand up...”

“Or later sit down?” Rosa interjected.

Colin gave her a playful frown. “O.K. so you get the idea. And within a year their marriage was said to be idyllic, as evidenced by the birth of my Great-grandfather Cornelius. When Theophilus turned fifty, he gave the paddle to his son so that he too might enjoy the same benefits it had bestowed on him. Mind you, Cornelius was already married to my Great-grandma Millicent when the paddle came into their home and Millicent was no Hedwig.

Cornelius had very few reasons to ever use the paddle, though it did reportedly see action a few times. It is said that Great-grandma Millicent didn’t mind too much since it was so beautiful and she felt the making up afterwards seemed worth a few well-deserved swats.” Colin took a sip of beer and looked to his dear Rosa, “do you like this so far?”

“Oh yes. Keep going.”

“O.K. so eventually along comes my Grandfather, The great Colonel Eustace Entwistle, and in true family tradition, he gets the paddle from his father soon after marrying my Grandma Bernice. Now Eustace was a stern military man both during and after World War II, and he ran his home just like an Army barracks. Poor Grandma Bernice felt that paddle regularly. They say that any luster the finish may have lost during its mostly idle years with Cornelius and Millicent was polished back to a high gloss courtesy of Grandma Bernice’s bottom.”

“Do you think she minded?” Rosa asked.

“It’s funny you ask. You see I never knew any of this was going on and although my Grandfather seemed very strict, the two of them always seemed very close even until the very end. So to answer your question, I think that perhaps my Grandma, while she may not have enjoyed those paddlings in the way one enjoys a favorite dessert, didn’t mind them so much. She never seemed afraid of him and in all honesty he was very good to her as well.”

“Hmmm, Lifestylers,” Rosa sighed with a coy wink.

“Behave. These are my Grandparents we’re talking about here,” Colin replied in pretend shock. “So now we come to where I enter the picture.” Rosa clapped and Colin bowed before continuing. “Family tradition had the paddle going from Entwistle to Entwistle in a direct line from father to son. At no time did the paddle get used on any misbehaving children. It was strictly a...well, a...“

“Marital aid?” Rosa offered.

“Exactly,” replied her husband. “And meant to maintain the authority of the Entwistle male. No Entwistle daughter ever inherited the paddle. So it was naturally the Colonel’s intention to pass it on to his son, my uncle, Edward. Unfortunately Uncle Ed died in 1972 in the Easter Offensive in Vietnam without ever having married. So Grandpa Eustace just held onto it long after his Dad would have passed it on, much to the continued soreness of my Grandma’s behind I’m sure. When he was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer in 1998, I was just 11. So he actually put the damned thing in his will, leaving it to me as the closest male heir with the condition that my Mother would keep it for me until I was married. I don’t think he liked breaking the direct chain but it seems he had no choice. He told my Mom the whole history and made her promise to tell it to me when the time came. And that’s exactly what she did when I went over there today. Until today I never even knew it existed.”

“Wow, that is quite a story, dear,” Rosa sighed. “How do you feel being the next generation in this interesting history?”

“I guess I feel that given his views Grandpa Entwistle was probably right in not wanting to pass his treasure outside of his direct line.”

“But then we wouldn’t have this gorgeous and sturdy new toy, would we?” Rosa asked. “Besides don’t you think given the choice between having his prized heirloom used as a cheese board or for its intended purpose, he’d prefer the latter?”

“I suppose,” Colin nodded. “But life sure has changed since Great-great-grandpa Theophilus’ day.”

“Times are different and in comparison with the Entwistles we’re a bit different too,” Rosa smiled. “Now how about we try out this beauty?” she said as she slid back her chair and put down her drink. Colin blushed and sheepishly undid his jeans as he walked over to his new wife. Seeing his quiet compliance she mused aloud, “Too bad we opted to keep ‘obey’ out of our vows. It would have been fun to have kept that in yours to say out loud in front of everyone.”

Colin just dutifully sprawled across the proffered lap and waited.

“Honey,“ Rosa explained with gentle mischief, “since this is sort of a special occasion, I think we’re going to have to give your cute little butt a very thorough roasting. It’s only right that we commemorate the passing down of the Entwistle Paddle with a glowing butt. Don’t you find it ironic that you’ll be the first male in your family to be on the receiving end of the paddle? And how cool is it that both spanker and paddle are from Costa Rica? Oh, how times have changed and circumstances turned!” Soon the glossy cocobolo landed with impressive impact shocking its victim with its power. After just a few more swats Colin yelped and wriggled frantically.

“Oooh, I do like this new toy!” Rosa announced, then asked, “What do you think, dear?”

Colin struggled to answer and replied in a strained pant, “I think Dear Old Theophilus is probably rolling in his grave.”

Rosa laughed. “Perhaps. But wherever they are now, I’ll bet Hedwig, Millicent, and Bernice are all smiling. Now be quiet and take your spanking like an obedient little husband.”

I love that ending! Thank you, KDPierre.