From the Top Shelf - The Heirloom

You're in for a real treat today! It's another story by regular reader KDPierre. He has given me permission to reprint his stories here, and I plan to take advantage of his kind offer. Today's story has a little of this and a little of that, so it will appeal to both M/F and F/M spankos. I hope you enjoy it.

The Heirloom

At the sound of the backdoor opening, newlywed Rosa Araya-Menzel looked up from her laptop to catch her new husband Colin slapping the rain from his shoulders. “Hey cutie, you were gone a while,” she noted as he tousled his hair. “I thought you were just going to drop off the extra set of Honeymoon pictures and come right back?” She mock-pouted, “I missed you.”

“Sorry, Honey, but my Mom surprised me with something,” Colin explained as he held up an antique wooden case. “Check this out. Family heirloom.” The case looked to be a century old.

“What is it?”

“You won’t believe it,” Colin smirked. “I know I didn’t.” Resting the cherry box in front of the curious bride, he slid two tarnished latches aside and pulled open the hinged lid. Inside Rosa beheld a beautifully polished paddle made from an exotic wood nestled into a velveted cutout exactly its same shape.

“Oh my! It’s beautiful!” Rosa cooed. “It’s cocobolo isn’t it? We have this back in Costa Rica.”

Colin blinked in surprise. “Yes. That’s what my mother said it was. I never even heard of it before tonight though.” Scratching his damp head with a wince he added, “actually I learned a lot of things tonight that I never knew before.”

“Oh is that so? Sounds very interesting. How about you get us a couple of saisons and then you can fill me in?”

“O.K. dear, I think you might find the history behind this little artifact quite amusing.” Colin warned with a grin as he opened the special wine refrigerator they used for chilling Belgian ale.

As he popped the cork and poured Rosa couldn’t help but ask why his mother of all people had given them a paddle. “It’s not like we’re open about our private lifestyle, dear. How did your Mom know we’d want a paddle?”

Colin snickered. “She didn’t. In fact she turned about ten shades of red as she told me the story behind the paddle and why she was giving it to me. She even suggested that we could use it as a cheese board.”

“A cheese board? This beauty?” Rosa shook her head decidedly. “No way.”

“Well you know my Mom, ever practical.” Then with beer in hand, Colin began his family history lesson. “First of all this story is about my Mom’s side of the family, the Entwistles, not the Menzel side, and it goes back to when my Great-great-grandfather Theophilus Entwistle married my Great-great-grandma, Hedwig Stump, back in 1898. Turns out old Hedwig—or young Hedwig back then—was a feisty handful and Theophilus had no end of trouble trying to keep her in line. Several times he even took her across his lap to try to teach her to behave like a good wife—don’t snicker,” Colin admonished his bride with a wide grin. “Remember this is like 1899, women couldn’t even vote. Anyway he tried, but old Hedwig inherited what the family jokingly referred to as the Stump rump.”

“Stump rump? And you don’t want me to snicker?” Rosa teased.

“Well you can laugh at that. It seems a lot of people did, except probably my Great-great-grandfather. You see it seems the Stump family had these exceptionally stout and densely solid behinds that would make a mule’s backside seem dainty by comparison. So when old Theophilus spanked her she only laughed at him. He even supposedly took up a bread board only to have it split in two before having any effect. So now at his wit’s end he wrote to his brother, Elisha, bemoaning his marital state and confessing his fear that under the current circumstances neither his marriage nor his health could long survive. Now by this time it was around 1901 and Elisha was working on the Panama Canal doing preliminary surveys for John Frank Stevens and the Gatun Dam. When he read his brother’s letter, he decided to mail back a parcel of cocobolo slabs which he had heard were not only handsome pieces of local lumber but exceptionally strong.”

“It is,” Rosa confirmed. “They take the pieces from the heart of the tree.”

“Is that so?” Colin nodded. “Well, anyway when Theophilus got the package, he took the widest slab to a local cabinet maker who transformed the curious chunk into the magnificent paddle you see before you. And now armed with this little lovely, Theophilus once again engaged battle with Hedwig and her Stump rump. Only this time her posterior—tough as it was—could not stand up...”

“Or later sit down?” Rosa interjected.

Colin gave her a playful frown. “O.K. so you get the idea. And within a year their marriage was said to be idyllic, as evidenced by the birth of my Great-grandfather Cornelius. When Theophilus turned fifty, he gave the paddle to his son so that he too might enjoy the same benefits it had bestowed on him. Mind you, Cornelius was already married to my Great-grandma Millicent when the paddle came into their home and Millicent was no Hedwig.

Cornelius had very few reasons to ever use the paddle, though it did reportedly see action a few times. It is said that Great-grandma Millicent didn’t mind too much since it was so beautiful and she felt the making up afterwards seemed worth a few well-deserved swats.” Colin took a sip of beer and looked to his dear Rosa, “do you like this so far?”

“Oh yes. Keep going.”

“O.K. so eventually along comes my Grandfather, The great Colonel Eustace Entwistle, and in true family tradition, he gets the paddle from his father soon after marrying my Grandma Bernice. Now Eustace was a stern military man both during and after World War II, and he ran his home just like an Army barracks. Poor Grandma Bernice felt that paddle regularly. They say that any luster the finish may have lost during its mostly idle years with Cornelius and Millicent was polished back to a high gloss courtesy of Grandma Bernice’s bottom.”

“Do you think she minded?” Rosa asked.

“It’s funny you ask. You see I never knew any of this was going on and although my Grandfather seemed very strict, the two of them always seemed very close even until the very end. So to answer your question, I think that perhaps my Grandma, while she may not have enjoyed those paddlings in the way one enjoys a favorite dessert, didn’t mind them so much. She never seemed afraid of him and in all honesty he was very good to her as well.”

“Hmmm, Lifestylers,” Rosa sighed with a coy wink.

“Behave. These are my Grandparents we’re talking about here,” Colin replied in pretend shock. “So now we come to where I enter the picture.” Rosa clapped and Colin bowed before continuing. “Family tradition had the paddle going from Entwistle to Entwistle in a direct line from father to son. At no time did the paddle get used on any misbehaving children. It was strictly a...well, a...“

“Marital aid?” Rosa offered.

“Exactly,” replied her husband. “And meant to maintain the authority of the Entwistle male. No Entwistle daughter ever inherited the paddle. So it was naturally the Colonel’s intention to pass it on to his son, my uncle, Edward. Unfortunately Uncle Ed died in 1972 in the Easter Offensive in Vietnam without ever having married. So Grandpa Eustace just held onto it long after his Dad would have passed it on, much to the continued soreness of my Grandma’s behind I’m sure. When he was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer in 1998, I was just 11. So he actually put the damned thing in his will, leaving it to me as the closest male heir with the condition that my Mother would keep it for me until I was married. I don’t think he liked breaking the direct chain but it seems he had no choice. He told my Mom the whole history and made her promise to tell it to me when the time came. And that’s exactly what she did when I went over there today. Until today I never even knew it existed.”

“Wow, that is quite a story, dear,” Rosa sighed. “How do you feel being the next generation in this interesting history?”

“I guess I feel that given his views Grandpa Entwistle was probably right in not wanting to pass his treasure outside of his direct line.”

“But then we wouldn’t have this gorgeous and sturdy new toy, would we?” Rosa asked. “Besides don’t you think given the choice between having his prized heirloom used as a cheese board or for its intended purpose, he’d prefer the latter?”

“I suppose,” Colin nodded. “But life sure has changed since Great-great-grandpa Theophilus’ day.”

“Times are different and in comparison with the Entwistles we’re a bit different too,” Rosa smiled. “Now how about we try out this beauty?” she said as she slid back her chair and put down her drink. Colin blushed and sheepishly undid his jeans as he walked over to his new wife. Seeing his quiet compliance she mused aloud, “Too bad we opted to keep ‘obey’ out of our vows. It would have been fun to have kept that in yours to say out loud in front of everyone.”

Colin just dutifully sprawled across the proffered lap and waited.

“Honey,“ Rosa explained with gentle mischief, “since this is sort of a special occasion, I think we’re going to have to give your cute little butt a very thorough roasting. It’s only right that we commemorate the passing down of the Entwistle Paddle with a glowing butt. Don’t you find it ironic that you’ll be the first male in your family to be on the receiving end of the paddle? And how cool is it that both spanker and paddle are from Costa Rica? Oh, how times have changed and circumstances turned!” Soon the glossy cocobolo landed with impressive impact shocking its victim with its power. After just a few more swats Colin yelped and wriggled frantically.

“Oooh, I do like this new toy!” Rosa announced, then asked, “What do you think, dear?”

Colin struggled to answer and replied in a strained pant, “I think Dear Old Theophilus is probably rolling in his grave.”

Rosa laughed. “Perhaps. But wherever they are now, I’ll bet Hedwig, Millicent, and Bernice are all smiling. Now be quiet and take your spanking like an obedient little husband.”

I love that ending! Thank you, KDPierre.