If...

I don't get spanked as punishment, but if I did, failure to obey one of the many Rules of the Cars is what would get me into trouble.

Ron is very particular about our cars. He cleans them frequently - inside and out - when weather permits. He's diligent about taking them in for regular servicing, and investigates every tiny noise that might signal a possible problem.

Once, just once, I drove away one winter's day without unplugging the car. For those of you who live in warmer climates and might wonder what I'm talking about, here in the north we have heaters that keep the engines warm at night. They prevent the oil from freezing or the gas from congealing or something - I'm not clear on the details - but the main thing is, when you turn the key, the car starts on even the coldest morning.

Anyway, before getting into the car, it's a good idea to unplug the car from the power source before driving. I only forgot once, but Ron's never allowed me to forget it. (And just so you know, he did it once too. And have I ever mentioned it to him? Well, not often.)

He could have just spanked me, and that would have been the end of it. But no. Every morning for the rest of the winter, when I was ready to leave for work, Ron would give me a hug, and just before he kissed me good-bye, would say, "Don't forget to unplug the car."

"I know," I replied for the first few days. I hoped that after a while he would see that I wasn't about to forget again and would stop reminding me. But it went on and on. I would lie awake at night, thinking of sharp retorts that might make him stop the reminders. I would fret and fume all day at work. I'd even refuse to kiss him goodbye if I heard those hated words. Instead, I'd snap "I know, stop reminding me!"

Finally, I gave up. When I got my morning reminder to unplug the car, I simply smiled sweetly and said, "Yes sir, thank you for reminding me, sir." (That didn't sound sarcastic to you, did it?) The reminders stopped like magic. Now, on cold days, Ron goes out and - on the pretext of starting the car and warming it up for me - unplugs it himself.

The other way I could easily get spanked is by backing out of the driveway incorrectly. I figure that as long as I eventually get to the road, then point the car in the direction I want to go, all is well. Ron has other ideas. I need to back out straight, with an equal amount of space on each side. He watches me from the window, and I return his wild gesturing with a friendly wave.

Once, he phoned me at work to say that he had been talking to Pete from next door. Pete had asked him to tell me to please try not to drive across his front lawn each morning. That's a gross exaggeration! And I'm pretty sure Ron made it up.

Just yesterday, I was putting my coat on, and Ron was giving me specific instructions on how and when to turn the steering wheel to back out; the car I was taking happened to be parked on an angle near the house. I nodded, smiled, and as I pulled on my gloves, I asked, "and I can expect a spanking if I don't do it to your satisfaction, right?"

"Oh, no," he replied, then added, "maybe from Pete, though. He gets pretty annoyed when you drive onto his lawn."

Yeah, right.

Romantic Fiction Again

Joining, another novel by Johanna Lindsay, is about (wait for it) a strong-willed young woman who rides and hunts with a bow. She's betrothed to a man she doesn't wish to marry, and there is plenty of rebellious behaviour.

Our prospective groom knows what he should have done:

He should have clouted her smartly as she deserved.

Yet he didn't. He knows there's going to be trouble and asks his friend for advice.

"But how do you teach a wench not to be a shrew when she is born a shrew?"

I have an idea. But he doesn't.

"The first time she narrows those cattish eyes at me..."
"You'll what?"
Wulfric sighed. "I wish I knew."

Obviously nobody thought to spank this lovely young lady. She had been out of control while growing up and was now considered hopeless.

They had tried everything they could without seriously hurting her, and mild punishments had done no good.

It's pretty obvious there will be no spanking in this book. A later conversation confirms that suspicion.

"When have I ever given you reason to think that I might beat you?"

Very little, unfortunately. The betrothed couple eventually marry, still at odds with one another. They were married, and there was one final episode that made me hope that all was not lost on the spanking front.

"Methinks 'tis time you got what you deserve." So saying, he took her hand, dragged her out of the hall, up the stairs, straight into their bedchamber, where he then slammed shut the door. She had not once tried to stop him, too shocked that this was to be the result of a few harsh words between them. But then she had known it would come to this eventually, and that she would despise him for it. She had expected no less from a brute such as he, had known to expect it, which was why she hadn't wanted to marry him. But so soon after the wedding?!

When she felt no blows yet, she forced herself to look at him... He was staring at her, but his expression was now inscrutable. She was herself so tense now, she could have shattered in a strong breeze.

"What are you waiting for?" She demanded, but got no answer. "Will you beat me or not?"

Wulfric still didn't answer for a moment, but then he sighed. "'Tis not a matter of 'will' but of 'can', and I cannot."
"Why?"
"I would rather cut off my own hand than cause you the least little harm."
She stared at him wide-eyed, and then she started to cry, those words having gone deep to wrench at her heart.

Perhaps she could get an annulment.

The two then discover that the reason for their mutual distrust was all a misunderstanding, and they lived as happily ever after as they could without spankings.

Happy Valentine's Day

We always celebrate Valentine's day by going out to dinner, and I also have some plans for this evening that involve a black garter belt, black fishnet stockings, and something black and frilly on top. For when we get home from the restaurant, you understand.


May you all your valentine wishes come true.

Be Mine

With Valentine's Day approaching, I wanted to share a card that I gave to Ron last year on that special day.

Needless to say, he didn't really need any extra encouragement, but I like to show my appreciation.



Even the back of the card was worth showing you, for the flaming paddle. That, and the difference in price for the same card depending on whether it was purchased in Canada or the US.

Friday FAIL

Pervertables that shouldn't give up their day jobs in the vanilla world.



I've said before that I don't want metal implements used on my backside, no matter how pretty they are. In keeping with the Valentine theme, I thought this lovely whisk deserved a mention, even though there's no possibility of adding it to our arsenal.

Look at how much fun the cook below seems to be having.





I'm sure you will enjoy the description too. I've taken the liberty of omitting certain words from it, but otherwise it is shown as writ.

Heart Spring Whisk
This little spring whisk solves a...problem most of us have run into at one time or another. The rounded head of a traditional whisk contacts a small area of the flat...bottom and is too large to fit into the sharp angles of many...The articulated head of this stainless steel tool stays flat on the bottom...and the heart shape provides a point that fits into the corners... so you can work over the whole bottom of almost any...shape.


Finally, I will let the greeting card below speak for itself.

The Spanking Olympics

No, we Canadians haven't added a new indoor sport to this year's Winter Olympics. But this picture is on all the Wonder Bread wrappers, specially designed for the 2010 Winter Olympics here in Canada. Their website explains:

We believe that through play, dreams are uncovered.

Interesting thought. I think the reverse can also be true: that our dreams become reality through our spanking play.

Ron always says - and I wholeheartedly agree - that my head is my primary erogenous zone.

And on a related note, I bought a pair of Olympic mittens last weekend, in support of our athletes.


What do they have to do with our favourite indoor pastime? If you look closely, you'll see that I tucked the price tag into the cuff of one mitten. Here's a closeup:


Who knew that size S&M would be a perfect fit? I take that as a good omen. Canada's going for gold! Let the games begin!

Wednesday WIN

These look like they might be a lot of fun on Valentine's Day. Isn't it amazing what they sell in dollar stores these days?





And after a good bottom-warming, what could be nicer than some cool bum-cubes, lovingly applied to the heated area?