Sunday, May 20, 2012

You Completed the Caption

Bob: The teacher's saying: Is there anyone in the class that hasn’t got a sexual position as an answer?

Prefectdt: The students had started to realize that Mr Stern was taking some kind of hormone supplement.

Six of the best: A teen-age boy asks the teacher. "Since you came late to class this morning, can I take your knickers down, and give you a good spanking on your bare bottom?" The teacher surprisingly answered, "Yes, that was rather naughty of me" and bent over her desk.

Kingspan: The results of the study were conclusive: girls adapt to social norms more quickly than boys. Researchers found that Ms. Smith almost never needed to spank a girl more than once, but some boys repeated the same naughty behavior again and again, knowing perfectly well they would get spanked by the teacher.

Sunnygirl: "I don't know why but boys always misbehave in this class."

Ronnie: "Right boys, line up and drop those trousers. I think 5 swats each with the ruler should improve your grades."

Vfrat25000: Mom, why is Dad the only one going to the Parent Teacher Conference this evening?
He said I didn’t need to go; I could stay home and rest. Your Dad is so thoughtful.

The July School Board Meeting:
I want to congratulate you, Ms Phillips; I think it’s wonderful that entire football team has signed up for Advanced Trigonometry and Astrophysics III.

Miss Jones, as President of this University I feel it’s my duty to remind you that Professors are not allowed to sit on a desk while lecturing. It’s critically important we maintain a certain level of dignity and professionalism at the University of Huge Bazoombas.

OK, class, here is tomorrow’s homework. I want you to calculate how many times this ruler must be applied to my derriere and at what speed in order to raise the surface temperature of my bare bottom 15 degrees Fahrenheit. There will be extra credit for those can also calculate the same process using your hand…especially you Billy Reynolds, you gorgeous hunk of Quarterback!

As your substitute professor, I don’t understand a single word of that crap written on the blackboard behind me nor do I care. All I care is it’s been over 6 months since anybody has turned me over their knee and spanked me. Any takers?

Class, we all know what 69 means. If you don’t, get out of my class and get a LIFE! In the meantime students, as part of your final exam for Adult Shenanigans I want you to define what 96 means and please show all your work on paper leading to your conclusion. Extra credit for pictures! DON’T MAIL THEM!

Ana: "Miss? I'm sorry, but for some reason I am having trouble concentrating on the lesson. May I please have some private tutoring after class?"

Lea: "Hot Teachers: The Solution To Getting Kids To Show Up To Class"

garyntboy: No class, the number 69 does not mean this is going to be an oral lesson!

Welcome, garyntboy!

Emen:  This isn't a caption. I'm terrible at trying to think of them but omg do I love reading all these other people who are so good. Thanks for letting them shine here.

I love them all too, and can't believe the creativity of our community.

Terri: "Ok, I'm holding this ruler in front of my face, WHY?!" Grumbled Mrs James. "and WHERE did I leave that eraser? I need to write up today's subject, because your last teacher forgot to erase theirs!"

Spankcake: "For the most efficient spanking, calculate torque by multiplying the length of your arm by the amount of force applied. Now let me demonstrate!"

Hermione: Today we'll study the primitive arcade game called Pacman.

A. Lurker: After her well-publicized epic failure in Calculus II, Ms Demeanor was motivated to turn her life around.  She graduated university with straight A’s and became a math teacher herself.

Her unique, though unorthodox, teaching methods guaranteed that all students enrolled in her classes passed with flying colors. Private schools across the land vied for her professional services.

Ms Demeanor enjoyed many engagements as keynote speaker at educational conferences throughout the country where her seminars on Motivating Students were always filled to capacity. She won many recognition awards from the Board of Education and was one of the country’s most recognized educators.

Life was going very well for the successful Ms Demeanor until that fateful day when the Minister of Educator (and renowned busybody), Gladys Kravitz, came across an old copy of National Lampoon circa 1975!

Thank you all for joining me on this long Victoria Day weekend. To my fellow Canadians: don't overdo it when you're working in your gardens, and remember to use sunscreen.

From Hermione's Heart


otk4us2 said...

You five boys in the back row will remain after class for some, I will be applying a little knowledge to your seats of understanding.


Indy said...

Prefect, my coffee almost collided with my computer screen!