Wednesday, July 30, 2014

All Better Now

My favourite implement of ass destruction is our dogging bat. In case you were wondering, it has nothing to do with dogs. It's a type of riding crop that originated with cowboys in the southwestern US, and "dogging" means chasing and catching steers while on horseback. The bats are now used in rodeo speed events.

Ours is made of two thicknesses of leather sewn together, except at the larger end, where the two separate pieces of leather slap together. While designed to make noise rather than to harm, it still packs a good wallop. To stiffen it, there is a slender, flexible rod hidden inside the entire length of the bat. Sometimes after a vigorous application, the rod works its way up through the opening at the top (indicated by the yellow arrow in the picture above.) Then Ron has to push it back down inside.

Ron finally got tired of adjusting the bat before or after every use, so he took it away to his workshop and did some repair work with glue.  It was missing from the wall rack for a few days, then reappeared.

"We need to test my repair work," Ron explained, and began to paddle my bottom with it.

"So far, so good," he declared, after a few moderately hard swats.

"Maybe you'd better go easy with it, just in case it breaks again," I suggested.

"Not a chance." The swats became harder and came faster. That's so like him; always doing the opposite of what I suggest. I protested loudly, but it had no effect.

Twice he stopped completely to, I think, examine his weapon.

"Everything okay back there?"

"Everything's just fine," Ron reassured me, then got back to work. He became uncharacteristically creative, varying the speed, rhythm and intensity. I didn't know what to expect next and it unsettled me. 

"You're messing with my mind."

Ron paused a moment. "No, I don't think so.  It's not your mind I'm messing with," then continued his quality control testing of the repair job. Ha ha, very funny!

You will be glad to hear that when the assessment was completed, we both pronounced his handiwork satisfactory.

From Hermione's Heart


abby said...

I chuckled all the way through your exchanges. It is nice that he takes such goo care of his toys.
hugs abby

Minielle Labraun said...

He wasn't messing with your mind? Certainly not! Lol
This sounded like you both had fun. Not sure the dogging bat doesn't look fierce to me.
Love how you guys bantered back and forth.

Eva said...

Too funny! Glad all is better!

Roz said...

LoL Hermoine. I do love the fun you two have and the banter between you. Glad Ron's handiwork passed the quality control test :)


Dragon's Rose said...

Lol I have seen the dogging bats at the farm store but didn't know what it was called. Sounds like you both enjoyed his handy work. :-)

Hermione said...

Abby - He's very conscientious.

Minelle - We both had a good laugh too, so I'm glad I could share the fun.

Eva - It's nice to hear from you again!

Roz - We check it periodically, just in case there's more repairs to be done.


Hermione said...

Rose - I've never seen one in a store, only online. I highly recommend it.


Aimless Rambling said...

Love his sense of humor and his Mr. Fix It capabilities. I love the doggin bat but never knew the history - thanks for that.

Glad you were able to give him an A for his quality control.

PK said...

There is a lot to be said for a husband who works to keep the spanking implements in good repair. Good for him.

Our Bottoms Burn said...

They are also known as pig slappers - Intended for use on live pigs shortly prior to despatch for slaughter. They are available from most any farm supply store at prices under $10. The quality is better than those available from online "BDSM" outlets. What you call it is of course up to you.

Terpsichore said...

:-) glad your favorite is back in working order... Hugs

ronnie said...


Love the banter between the two of you. Thanks for sharing.

I've had the pleasure of having a dogging bat used (thanks to PK sending me one) but find its bark is worse than its bite. Do you?


Cat said...

LOL Hermione...loved "No, I don't think so. It's not your mind I'm messing with"...totally cracked me up! Thanks for the giggles!

Hugs and Blessings...

Hermione said...

Leigh - He's a real home handyman nowadays :)

PK - I gave Ron a high five for his efforts.

Bogey - Ours was very inexpensive too, and very good quality.

Terps - So am I.

Ronnie - It barks really loudly, but is more thud than sting, which is why I like it. It is the mildest of our leather implements.

Cat - it cracked me up too, at the time!


Blondie said...

I have heard some talk about this implement but never quite knew what it was. Thanks for the information. Glad that the problem got fixed and that the final assessment was good.

Anonymous said...

A new implement to look out for! Thanks for the amusing article.


Hermione said...

Blondie - I hope I've inspired you to try one.

Rod - I'm glad you enjoyed it!


Katie said...

LOL Hermione! Loved the back and forth as you tried out the repaired implement! :)

Must be great to have such a handy fella around. Not only can he fix things, but runs the test department as well. Very fun.

I never knew what a dogging bat was, though I have heard it mentioned before. Thanks for the info. Enjoy! Many hugs,

<3 Katie

Autumn said...

That sounds like a lovely tool, J would really like a new toy like that! ^_^

Hermione said...

Katie - Ron has learned a lot about being handy around the house.

Autumn - I highly recommend it.