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What is this elegant grand dame up to? You had some creative ideas:

Six of the best: This very sophisticated lady says, "Tonight a gentleman of the realm, will bare my bottom. so that I can taste the painful twigs of a birch rod, that I grow in my garden."

Arched one: Tonight after I take this dress off, you will bare your bottom and lay across my lap for a well deserved spanking.

DelFonte: He stared at her defiant face. Somewhere under her dress was her bottom. Finding it might prove a challenge.

Rollin: There's enough room under this dress to hide a basketball team. So go to it, boys.

Sunny Girl: She's thinking he'll never get to my bare bottom with all these hoops and crinolines.

Mandy: The fancy dresses she designed were to hide her bottom from getting spanked. After months of designing this one was it.

Ronnie: Lord Ashley will be in for a surprise when he sees what I have under my dress.

Jon: "I just love my new cutty sark."

[Note: A 'cutty sark' is, as Robert Burns taught us all, a shortened woman's underskirt. Apparently his poem led to the scantily clad topless figurehead on the clipper ship of the same name, or perhaps the reverse.
I'd be pleased to do some field research to see just how short the Lady's underskirt is. I wonder: did she crop it so short herself or did her Lord have her (or her lady's maid) do it? And why is the gardener still under that skirt.
There is definitely more to this picture.]

Jon, that's useful information. Please continue with your research.

Vfrat25000: Guard, come here please.
Yes, your highness.
I have a rather nasty mosquito bite on my bottom that itches like fire. I can’t reach it in this dress. Please employ one of the town peasants to crawl under there and scratch it for me.
Certainly, your Highness (Under his breath as he walks away “Join the palace staff it will be one glorious assignment after another, yeah right!”)

Betty made a bet with her husband that she lost. She would now have to perform a pole dance for her husband’s buddies. Her husband let her pick her own costume, a decision he would regret!

Lady Marmalade took control of the castle and ultimately the Kingdom after she secretly brought an entire regiment of soldiers inside the castle walls utilizing the “Trojan Dress” maneuver.

Look, Frank, there is one of those Walmartians.

Trick or Treat! This is a 500 dollar costume and took me two hours to put on. You better not pass out any that cheap candy!

How do you stand wearing that gosh-awful dress?
No problem. I have a pair of Daisy Dukes on underneath.

Baxter: Oh dearest man, under all these clothes you will find I am not wearing any panties, which will allow you instant access to my bottom, which you know is very naughty. Please spank me.

Minelle: I think she's smiling because under the skirt she is without any underclothing.

Annapurna: OMG, I'm wearing a circus tent!

A. Lurker: Lord Fauntleroy liked his Lady to wear dresses because they allowed easy access to her nether regions.

(Apologies to Roy Orbison)
Pretty woman, looking very sweet
Pretty woman, the kind I like to beat
Pretty woman, I want to spank you and that’s the truth
Cane marks would look so good on you, no mercy!

Pretty woman, bare your bum for me
Pretty woman, get over my knee
Pretty woman, you’ll be red as red can be!
Are you going to behave for me?

Pretty woman, your butt I’ll fry
Pretty woman, I’ll make you cry
Pretty woman, don't squirm away, hey, no way!

Monica Alyssa woke up in a horrid mood, her bottom still throbbing painfully from the previous evening’s birching. Monica had been teasing her sister, Mona, unmercifully all that day so, as punishment, not only was Monica thoroughly birched, but Mona had been allowed to watch. Monica Alyssa knew that every time she ran into her sister over the next few days, Mona would be smiling that stupid smile of hers.

The timing could not have been worse! Today was the day that the artist, Leonardo, had been commissioned to do the family portraits. “What a pompous, insufferable man,” thought Monica Alyssa. “Someone would think he was famous.” There was no way Monica could pose perfectly still on her sore bottom for several hours. Then she had a brilliant idea! “If I wear my best dress, the one with 3 hoops and 5 crinolines, then nothing will touch my tender behind and no one will know I am not wearing drawers. Not only that, I won’t even be able to sit down and will have to pose standing up.”

It took Monica so long to get dressed that when she finally came down to the drawing room the artist was well along painting her sister’s portrait. Monica walked into the room just as Leonardo was putting the finishing touches on Mona’s face. Upon seeing her sister, Monica Alyssa, and remembering the events of the previous evening, Mona Lisa broke into an insipid little grin.

And that, folks, is why the Mona Lisa is smiling!


At last, one of the art world's great mysteries has been solved, and you read it here first!


Ricky: Oh, thank you, Leo, for letting me scratch.

Dr. Ken: "He can threaten all he likes! By the time he removes enough clothing to get to my bare bottom, he'll be too exhausted to spank me!"

Hermione: Little did her husband realize that beneath her voluminous skirts, Eleanor had concealed a birch rod, three paddles and two canes, all destined to become intimately acquainted with his bared bottom.

Thank you all for participating, and I hope you will all stay for brunch. the buffet opens in a few hours.