Monday, March 16, 2015

Recap: Spanko Brunch 2.0 for March 15

Our discussion this week concerned how you would respond to a partner who was no longer interested in spanking.

Nina: This is a tricky question. I'd definitely try to find out the reasons for such a decision, but talking hubby out of that would not be ok. I can only hope that he will never have this idea because spanking is important for us.

She and Him: While it would be a shock for me I would "Discuss the situation and try to find out the reason for the decision?" If, we could not resolve it, I would "Quietly accept it".

The reason being is that I loved my husband before DD, and I would after if he chose to stop spanking. It is about a balance of love/Dd not just a sexual relationship.

Dan: I would discuss and try to understand the reason, then give her time and see if she reconsiders. If not, I would accept it. I definitely would not consider taking anything outside the relationship. That aspect of our relationship is important to both of us, but not more than the relationship itself.

Katie: Well, that would be a shocker! :) I don't see that happening really. But if Rob ever was thinking such things, I would talk to him about it, and come to some conclusion. If his happiness meant no spanking then I would go for that. I love him.

Roz: We have kind of been in this situation. Rick called a halt to our Dd dynamic some time back. This didn't mean the end of spanking for 'fun', however that is what happened. With Dd on hold, so was spanking.

I did discuss it with him initially and accepted his decision. Happily, spanking has recently made a return :) we are trying to work through our we want ttwd to look for us going forward.

Dr. Ken: I think I'd start looking for a new girlfriend!

Sir Wendel: The day she announces it I would spank her while discussing her decision. The next day I would paddle her while trying to talk her out of the decision. The third day I would whip her bottom with the belt while pointing out that I would not be seeking out a secret spanking partner. Then accept the decision while caressing her sore bottom because I love her too much.

Terri: A very interesting question, as usual, Hermione. I would prefer to talk it over with my partner before taking further action, but if they were truly that uncomfortable with or uninterested in the activities we had loved for so long, then I would certainly raise the idea of finding someone else private and separate to our relationship who would be a play partner for me...or for the other person, if I ever lost interest--God forbid!

Terpsichore: I would have a heart to heart and discuss...

Baxter: I imagine this will eventually happen as a matter of aging. However if R decided she was done with it, I would ask to talk it out and find alternatives. If her decision was final, then fine. We have been married over 31 years now and I would not stray out of it, looking for a spanking. That would be stupid, to say the least.

Bonnie: I think I'd be devastated. After that, I imagine we would have to discuss it.

If it were for a physical reason, I could live with that. But if Randy suddenly decided to quit after 30+ years of fun and festivities, there would have to be more explanation.

ricky: Agree with her.
Maybe the consensual, exciting fantasy that initially attracted you to each other, isn't necessary anymore. Whereas the joie de vivre of just being together, is.

Ronnie: I'd be totally shocked if P told me that. Have to discuss and find out why.

Jenn: 1. Of course you will want to discuss the situation and try to find out the reason for the decision. Just take him or her at their word - if they say they don't want to, they don't want to. Be understanding.

2. Don't try too hard to talk your partner out of the decision. Just ask about their feelings and try to understand what changed.

3. Your only option may be to quietly accept it. No one is perfect, and the person must have other fine qualities that attracted you.

4. I don't think it's a good idea to look for another spanking partner for yourself. Spanking and dominating is a bonding activity. It's not like going to the movies together.

5. Worst idea is to look elsewhere for a spanking partner without telling your partner. Bruises are always a possibility, not to mention the danger in starting to be secretive about a big part of your life.

6. Consider making spanking a purely fantasy experience. You can still think about past spanking fun when you are with your partner. Maybe you can even talk to him or her about your fantasies, even if the activity is now off limits.

A related question comes to mind: Who is more likely to call it quits, the spanker or the spankee? Logic suggests the spankee, but what is your experience with those who write in for advice?

Jenn, that would make an excellent followup brunch topic.

Minelle: I think we would discuss it. I think the reasons would matter. I would never go outside the relationship, however.

Hermione: There are so many possibilities for a partner to suddenly change his preferences. I would want to discuss the reason for the unexpected turnabout. If, as Baxter said, it was a natural consequence of aging, I would accept it, and I would not consider going outside the relationship, with or without my husband's consent.  But if it was for some other reason, I would want more details.

From Hermione's Heart

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