Today's topic was suggested by two of my regular readers, N and C. In their email to me they wrote: "For us a punishment spanking, which is often pretty long and painful, always closes the book on the misdeed or misbehavior. This is a cornerstone of our spanking relationship. When it's done it's DONE! What comes after is some serious forgiveness along with equally serious 'yes, I love you more than ever.' Lots of tenderness, attention to blistered skin and genuine affection."
"How do other couples handle this? Is there residual anger, hidden “I’ll get back at you" stuff, or is there a genuine feeling of forgiveness?"
Well, readers, how would you respond? Leave your reply as a comment and I will publish a summary of our discussion once everyone has had an opportunity to weigh in.
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9 comments:
Hi Hermione. No "I'll get back at you" or residual anger here, and all our spankings are for punishment. It would be poor form indeed for me to be angry or resentful, since I asked for this both in terms of the disciplinary relationship and with the behavior that led to the consequences.
No residue or anger, just lots of hugs and assurances that it is forgotten, forgiven and in the past. Much better than a silent treatment that lasts for days...
hugs abby
Although there is no residual anger I will confess I truly expect some sort
of improvement or we go right back to punishment room!
a wife
No residual anger here either, just lots of cuddles and assurance that the issue is behind us. However, there has been the odd occasion, because of the nature of the issue that there has been further discussion and resolution after the spanking.
Hugs
Roz
i'm not sure i can contribute here, cos we don't have punishment spankings, but we WERE just talking about it this morning and the difference between that and "reset" spankings that we DO have.
I think even with resets, tho, whatever the thing was that was bothering me (and making me bratty/ snarky towards BIKSS and the people around me in general) is usually left completely behind, and puts me in a better mindset to deal with whatever was bugging me. BIKSS describes it as having taken care of the initial work, like baking a cake - the talking and spanking is like mixing up the ingredients, and when we're done it's like putting it in the oven and waiting for it to rise. (But he still keeps a close eye on me to see that i'm "rising" properly.)
Well I guess I am the odd 'man' out here. My punishment spankings are often very long and always painful, which I know is the point. That being said, often right after there is residual anger from me at least. Some days it is just the adrenaline still coursing through me which has helped me deal with the 'trauma' to my body and I need a few minutes to allow that to drop. Other days I am genuinely angry with Barney because of the situation. Perhaps I feel it isn't fair, or perhaps that day I feel he 'put' us in the situation.
For the most part I am already forgiven by my husband before I am punished. I don't ever feel any residual anger from him after. I most certainly feel it however during at times, especially if I am being stubborn, or we are having a 'standoff'.
All that being said, there is never the thought of " I'll get back at you". I agreed to this relationship and sometimes 'unfair' comes with the territory. I am just being honest that with our relationship, for me some days hearts and roses, are not guaranteed immediately after an intense spanking.
No hard feelings here either. Even though I consider myself to have gotten off easy if having to sit on a stack of pillows for several days is the worse of it.
However, everybody's situation is different as to how they may accept punishment.
In my case, as I've mentioned in previous posts, I voluntarily entered into a FLR that soon turned into her also becoming the HOH. Thus, through my willingness to subjugate myself to her authority, I find it impossible to hold any ill-will towards her regardless of the severity of the CP she chooses to dish out.
And, yes, sadly to say, there have been a few occasions over the years where sitting has been literally impossible for a considerable length of time after she was finished with me.
A Spanking totally clear the air so no "I'll get back at you" or residual anger just hugs and cuddles.
Love,
Ronnie
xx
I did give punishment spankings (M/F); but there were resentments. After going back/fourth for months we both decided it was hurting (pun intended) rather than helping. Now strictly for our mutual pleasure (an occasional maintenance one - but with a safe-word that would stop it; if used).
This was years ago and I think we got hung up on blogs and the way it's supposed to be; rather than what we wanted. We are about 95% M/F with an occasional switch; and it's worked out very well. Since there no punishments, there is no room for the spanking resentments.
Others obviously will have a different view.
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