Friday, September 16, 2011


Last week was our anniversary, and in true spanko style, I gave Ron the gift that keeps on giving. Two of them, in fact. The first was a hand-crafted wooden flipper

and the second was a rock maple pizza cutter

They both came from Imagine Wood, a Canadian company that creates beautiful and durable kitchen utensils. As you can imagine, Ron was eager to try them out. He immediately bonded with the flipper, but was puzzled about the pizza cutter.

"Which end do I hold?" he asked me, as he turned it over and around in his hands.

"Experiment!" I advised, and he did. As it collided with my bare bottom, I could feel the difference in each individual swat, as he tried first the thin end, then the thick one, then back again.

The flipper was quite a surprise! It smacked loudly against my unprotected posterior, and Ron was able to make it dance rapidly from cheek to cheek.

"I'm going to try to break this on you," Ron announced gleefully.

"You can't. They're unbreakable. Read the instructions." Rock maple is very durable. But that didn't lessen the impact of the blows.

This pair of implements was a perfectly painful sting and thud duo. The sting of the flipper was augmented by the pizza cutter's thud, and he applied them both effectively and efficiently. I voiced my disapproval loudly; too loudly, as it turned out.

"I feel like I'm doing this to music," Ron complained as he paused to exchange implements.

"Huh? What music?" I was glad of the break, but couldn't hear anything except my heavy breathing.

"That noise you're making. 'Oo ee oo ah ah, ting tang walla walla bing bang.'"

I burst out laughing. "Do I really sound like that?" Were the windows open, I wondered. If you are under forty, you may not recognize the reference to a funny song from 1958 called Witch Doctor. If you're really curious and would like to hear it, it's on Youtube too.

I didn't think I sounded like a chipmunk when I was being spanked. Who knew?

From Hermione's Heart


Michael M said...

The flipper looks to be exceptionally useful. I will try and get one. I think that my partner would happily flip me for something.

Thanks for the tip.

Michael M

PK said...

Those are beautiful implements! Sorry I didn't get back yesterday congratulations on the million!


Our Bottoms Burn said...

I like that you were thoughtful bring paddles to the party. I like his "I'm going to try to break this on you." A winning combination.

L. said...

I rather like the Flat Spatula they sell.

sixofthebest said...

Hermione, you have just passed your millionth page. Does that hold for the same amount of 'spanking implement's', you have in your household. If so, where do you keep them all.

ronnie said...

I like the look of the flipper, much better than a wooden spoon I would think.


Hermione said...

Michael - They come in left- and right-handed models to. How convenient!

PK - Thanks.

OBB - Yes, Ron does have a way with words :-)

Six - We don't have anywhere near a million implements, although it seems that way sometimes. We keep them in box under the bed.

Ronnie - It is better than a spoon because it's flatter.


Meow said...

The Witch Doctor does make a nice refrain for the spankee. Those implements, err... utensils are beautiful!

Hermione said...

L - Sorry, I missed you before. Yes, the spatula looks very serviceable!

Meow - Actually, you're right about the song, but I think I'd be laughing too much to appreciate the spanking.


Daisychain said...

You are SO brave, Hermione! I don't love wood. I want to retrain Davey into using leather. xxx

crankyspanker said...


These look very nice and it sounds like fit the bill perfectly.


Sweetpea said...

I read your post this morning and haven't been able to get "Witch Doctor" out of my head all day. Tell Ron you deserve an extra 100 swats for doing that to me. Oh never mind,that wouldn't be punishment for you. Lol.

Anonymous said...

How fun, new implements, er, I mean kitchen utensils! lol Belated happy anniversary and congrats on your million too! ;)

Hermione said...

Daisy - Brave? Foolish, more like :-)

Emanuele - They do, and they can be displayed in the kitchen as innocent decorations on the wall.

Sweetpea - Sorry about that! I'll pass along the message, though :-)

Grace - We'll be enjoying them again today, I hope. And thanks.


Mistress Avarice said...

The flipper has caught my eye as well. I think it would go nicely with a long wooden basting brush I have...hmmm...

Hermione said...

Mistress Avarice - Welcome! I think that sounds like a winning combination.


kiwigirliegirl said...

happy anniversary :) and those implements look cool - have you every tried a heavy bottomed saucepan.....that has quite a heavy thuddy impression......

Dee said...

Oh I love wooden things!! Those two look very interesting.I love old houses and the whole 'rustic' look, I love old, distressed wood..... so therefore when it came to thinking about 'implements', naturally something wooden sprang to mind. End result being........ wooden items can be very lovely to look at........ and very different to 'feel'......... :) I'm enjoying reading your blog Hermione x

Hermione said...

Kiwi - thank you so much. No, I haven't had a saucepan used on me...wait! Maybe I have :-)

Dee - Welcome! I love old wood and other rustic things too.