Imagine...wood!

Last week was our anniversary, and in true spanko style, I gave Ron the gift that keeps on giving. Two of them, in fact. The first was a hand-crafted wooden flipper

and the second was a rock maple pizza cutter

They both came from Imagine Wood, a Canadian company that creates beautiful and durable kitchen utensils. As you can imagine, Ron was eager to try them out. He immediately bonded with the flipper, but was puzzled about the pizza cutter.

"Which end do I hold?" he asked me, as he turned it over and around in his hands.

"Experiment!" I advised, and he did. As it collided with my bare bottom, I could feel the difference in each individual swat, as he tried first the thin end, then the thick one, then back again.

The flipper was quite a surprise! It smacked loudly against my unprotected posterior, and Ron was able to make it dance rapidly from cheek to cheek.

"I'm going to try to break this on you," Ron announced gleefully.

"You can't. They're unbreakable. Read the instructions." Rock maple is very durable. But that didn't lessen the impact of the blows.

This pair of implements was a perfectly painful sting and thud duo. The sting of the flipper was augmented by the pizza cutter's thud, and he applied them both effectively and efficiently. I voiced my disapproval loudly; too loudly, as it turned out.

"I feel like I'm doing this to music," Ron complained as he paused to exchange implements.

"Huh? What music?" I was glad of the break, but couldn't hear anything except my heavy breathing.

"That noise you're making. 'Oo ee oo ah ah, ting tang walla walla bing bang.'"

I burst out laughing. "Do I really sound like that?" Were the windows open, I wondered. If you are under forty, you may not recognize the reference to a funny song from 1958 called Witch Doctor. If you're really curious and would like to hear it, it's on Youtube too.

I didn't think I sounded like a chipmunk when I was being spanked. Who knew?