Friday FAIL

I know how much you all enjoy the scenery at Wal-Mart, so hold onto your hats. These are really something!

Speaking of Canes

Last week I wrote about canes being used in a scientific experiment, and I later realized that I've never told you about our experience with one. Thank you, Ronnie, for reminding me.

We have a Senior cane, but it's the short kind, with a straight handle. I had thought it would sting, but it turned out to be quite thuddy. It's about as thick as the dressage whip, but because it is rigid rather than supple and isn't tapered at the end, it delivers a solid whack that isn't as painful.

In fact, it looks and feels just like a perch from our budgies' cage.

So when Ron uses it, I usually think of the budgies and I start to giggle. Or sometimes I ask him if he's been shopping at Home Depot for wooden dowels. Often he uses it as a single drumstick, and taps out rhythms to songs that I have to guess the names of. Far from being frightening or formidable, our cane is a source of much amusement.

I wonder if a Junior cane might generate a bit more respect.

Wednesday WIN

It's hump day, and for those of us who work hard all week to earn a living, it's always nice to know that the weekend isn't very far away. Let's celebrate with some images of the trials of working nine to five.

Times were different back then. Lady bosses were unusual, and kinky too.

Come on, admit it. You've photocopied your bum when you thought no one was around. 

Or at least thought about it.

Service with a smile. The customer is always right. Have it your way.

Is it time to go home already?

Spanko Headlines

The copy desk editors at several Canadian newspapers have been hard at work creating headlines that immediately make me think of spanking. The articles themselves usually prove to be much less interesting. Here are a few that I have collected over the past few weeks.

Canadian Paddlers put World on Notice

Some Canadians are very adept at paddling naughty bottoms. This story, however, was about out Olympic kayakers.

What's not growing? Your bottom line

And a good thing, too! Most bottoms have curves, not lines. This informative piece was not about booties but borrowers who were deeply in debt.

Top to Bottom

Not an intimate exchange of opinions between a spanker and a spankee, as one might think, but an item about a women's tennis match.

Paddling for a good cause

I'll take a good paddling for charity any day. These paddlers were raising money by travelling by canoe up a well-known waterway.

Earn Your Stripes

Advice for those of us who enjoy a good caning every now and then? Alas, the stripes this writer was referring to are found on jackets. blazers and pants.

Stars Earn Stripes

Believe it or not, this is a television show where celebrities take their licks on a military obstacle course. Bare bottoms optional.

Whip One Up

Or two, if it's cheeks that are being whipped. But you may have guessed that this article was about meringues.

Bad Boy's Bare Bum

An expose of how plumbers scam unsuspecting customers? Wrong. It's about Prince Harry's latest bare-bottomed escapades. What happens in Vegas doesn't stay in Vegas when you're third in line to the British throne.

From the Top Shelf - It Never Rains

If you haven't paid a visit to Over the Desk, a new spanking story blog, you don't know what you're missing. There are several categories including Judicial Punishments, Domestic Spanking, and School Stories. All the stories feature realistic and true to life punishments, and most are based on real life events.

Here is a short excerpt from It Never Rains by Kenny Walters, in which a senior girl cheats on an exam at school, and brings home a note to be signed by her mother, giving the school principal permission to administer a caning.

“So, now you have to report to Mr Johnson’s study tomorrow for the cane.”

“Only…… only if you agree, mummy.”

“I have no choice but to agree, Sophie...I think I have to spank you, darling!”

“Mummy! No!”

“It’s nothing more than you deserve, Sophie!”

“But Mr Johnson’s going to cane me tomorrow!” Sophie pleaded. “Surely that’s enough!”

“Don’t worry, darling, I’ll take that into account. Anyway, you’d better get off to your room and get out of your school uniform.”

“Yes mummy.”

With a large sigh, Sophie left her mother sitting in the lounge and went up the stairs to her bedroom. After sitting on her bed for a few moments to contemplate the unfairness of it all, the eighteen year old stood up and removed her dark blue blazer with the school crest sewn to the top pocket and hung it on a hook on the door. She then unbuttoned her blue and yellow check gingham dress down the back and slipped it off her shoulders. The light summer garment dropped into a heap around her ankles, from where Sophie untangled it from her feet and hung it neatly on a coat hanger before placing it on the same hook as her blazer. Wearing just white brief panties, white knee length socks and a white bra, Sophie sat down on the edge of her bed again...

Then panic struck as she heard her mother beginning to come up the stairs. In a mad haste, Sophie quickly pulled on a thin white cotton top and a pair of blue jeans. She was just buckling the belt when her mother entered the room.

“You don’t seriously think I’m going to spank you over those thick jeans now do you?”

“Mummy!”

Mrs Drysdale stood bolt upright with her arms firmly folded, looking down at her daughter as she waited.

“Oooooh! It’s not fair!” Sophie began to unfasten the belt. Even with the teenager’s accentuated slowness, she all too quickly found herself standing before her mother feeling slightly ridiculous in just her white top, white knickers and white socks.

Calmly and deliberately, Mrs Drysdale picked up a small chair and turned it round before indicating with a wave of her hand the purpose of her action. Sophie took an awkward couple of steps and dived over the back of the chair.

“This really isn’t fair, mummy.”

“I’ll be the judge of that, thank you!”

Sophie felt the top of her knickers being tugged up so that the thin cotton garment was stretched tightly around her upthrust backside and the lower portions of her bottom protruded naked to her mother’s gaze.

Smack!

Sophie jolted as she felt her mother’s hand slap very firmly across the seat of her white knickers.

Smack!

The second stung the left side of Sophie’s bottom.

Smack!

Now it was the turn of the right buttock to suffer.

Smack! Smack! Smack!

In fairly rapid succession, Sophie felt her bottom being smacked plumb in the centre, then to the left, then to the right.

Smack! Smack! Smack!

Another trio of stinging slaps danced across the eighteen year old’s brief knickers. Sophie gripped the edge of the seat tightly and braced herself as she tried to keep her bottom still. Previous experience had taught her it was best to offer her bottom fair and square to her mother’s hand and get the punishment over with.

Smack! Smack! Smack!

Sophie’s eyes began to water as the next volley attacked her sparsely protected backside. She wondered whether other girls of her age, like her friend Helen perhaps, would make such an effort to maintain this undignified pose and so readily cooperate with her mother spanking her. But then probably other mothers had their own ways of dealing with daughters who resisted taking their due punishment.

“Mummy!”

Sophie felt her brief white knickers being pulled away from the close fitting contact with her soft round bottom.

“Just checking, darling.” Mrs Drysdale looked carefully at the reddening skin. “Three more and I think we’ll call it a day.”

There is still tomorrow's caning to come. Sophie is going to have a very sore bottom indeed. Read the complete story here.

You Completed the Caption

Strange things can sometimes happen on stage. Here's how you captioned this photo.


Six of the best: After singing the song "The Wind Beneath My Wings" Rihanna is proving to the audience with her microphone, the truth of this tune. Her encore melody was "The Whiffenpoof Song".

Prefectdt: Rihanna says OK now I'm going to treat you to a "short" song.

Emen: I guess that could be an interesting sound in the mix.

Daisychain: She says, "Umm, tell me again, exactly WHERE do you want me to put this?"

Vfrat25000: Everybody knows the expression “A belly laugh”. Our lead singer will now demonstrate the new “Butt Giggle”.

Turn off the music. I can’t find my new $10,000 Rolex Watch. If I hold the microphone this way, does anybody hear something ticking?

Everybody hear that? Right, there is no sound to be heard! It’s the very depressing quietness of an un-spanked bottom crying out for attention.

OK Guys, last time I demonstrate this. Pay attention. When you spank a girl, you apply the spanks to the part of the anatomy I am pointing at with the microphone, any questions?

The Show Director: Why is she holding that microphone pointed at her bottom?
His Assistant: Either her ass itches or that’s her version of saying “KISS THIS if you think I’m using that trailer for a dressing room.”

Ricky: Ooh, aah, there . . . mmm!

Minelle: Just scratching-- you guys!

Garyntboy: O.K. So the trumpet player hasn't turned up, I'll just have to improvise, like this......

Ronnie: "Are you sure you want me to put it there?"

Hermione: Rihanna had to improvise during her rendition of S&M after the stage crew misplaced her riding crop. 


That wraps up another successful performance of Complete the Caption. Come back soon, and tell your friends!

Complete the Caption

Music star Rihanna always entertains her audience with a lively performance, but what is she doing with that microphone?

Complete the caption by leaving a comment, and I will publish your musical evaluations in the next post.

Friday FAIL

Not everyone is impressed with Fifty Shades of Grey. Here are some of the reactions to it that I found on the interwebs. (You may need to click on the images to enlarge them.)

The benefits of a good caning

Caning isn't just for fun and games. There's scientific proof that it can be beneficial to your health.

Several years ago, Siberian scientists hypothesized that addiction to alcohol and narcotics, as well as depression, suicidal thoughts and psychosomatic diseases, occur when an individual loses his or her interest in life. The absence of the will to live is caused with decreasing production of endorphins - the substance that is known as the "hormone of happiness".

After careful study of the available literature on endorphins, depression and addiction, they came to the conclusion that if an addict individual receives a physical punishment like caning, it will stir up endorphin receptors, activate the “production of happiness” and eventually remove the craving for the addictive substance.

They them set out to test their theory on drug addicts who volunteered to take part in the experiment. The recommended course of therapy was 30 sessions of 60 strokes on the buttocks in every procedure. The results were described as excellent.

The doctor in charge of the study noted that "the whipping therapy becomes much more efficient when a patient receives the punishment from a person of the opposite sex. The effect is astounding: the patient starts seeing only bright colors in the surrounding world, the heartache disappears, although it will take a certain time for the buttocks to heal, of course."

One of the women who administered the caning said of the 10 patients she caned regularly to test the results, "At first they didn't like it, but when they started to feel the benefits they kept asking for more."

Any volunteers for a followup study?

Wednesday WIN

I assume you all appreciate playful references to a spankee's best asset. After an assiduous assessment, I selected this astounding assortment for your enjoyment.

Guess the Implement

We haven't played Guess the Implement for a long time, so here's one for you. I found it in a local thrift shop and it only cost a dollar. I wasn't sure exactly what it was supposed to be, and really didn't think it would pack much of a wallop spanking-wise, but the price was right.

It looks handmade and rustic. The label said it was one of two pieces, but the second piece wasn't attached and no one knew if it was another of the same or something different (like a ball?)

So what do you suppose this is? There are no right or wrong answers because I haven't a clue myself. Let your imagination soar!

From the Top Shelf - Caught in the Act

Caught in the Act by Saskia Walker is a short story about Chrissie, a software engineer, who is infatuated with new co-worker Liam. Little does she know that he is an undercover investigator working on a case involving stolen software code. Chrissie discovers his true identity and helps him look for the source of the leak. Their time together on a stakeout has its moments. They are standing together at the window after some kissing, snuggling, and the inevitable coupling, when...

The thief had pulled up at the front and wouldn't know there was anyone else in the building. Reaching for her hand, he stooped into a squat and pulled her down with him.

"What the hell are you doing?" She fell against him and he moved her down onto the floor, pushing her onto her hands and knees. "Quickly, crawl under the desk, I'll stay behind you."

"What's going on?" She looked so cute with her knickers still trailing from one ankle and her skirt at half-mast over her gorgeous bare ass cheeks.

He gave her a quick slap on the behind. "Get moving."

Her mouth opened in surprise and she wriggled provocatively, one hand going to the place where he'd smacked her. Interesting. She liked that. "Our code thief is about to walk in."

They later have a disagreement when Chrissie accuses Liam of taking advantage of her, and she refuses to have anything more to do with him. After a week of waiting, he gets his brother, a police officer, to stop her on her way home.

The officer flashed a badge. "Good evening, madam. Are you aware of any traffic violations you might have made in the last ten minutes of your journey home?"

"No!" Chrissie was shocked; she was a very careful driver...

"Turn around and put your hands up against the roof of the car."

A rush of humiliation hit her as she did as instructed, resting her keys on the car roof and then flattening her palms against it.

"Can I get some assistance here?" the officer shouted toward the parked car.

Assistance? Something wasn't right here. Surely you didn't have to be searched for a traffic violation —or even several traffic violations —and especially not by two of them. She heard a car door slam, then footsteps. The tension at her back intensified, the scrutiny of the two men behind her making the skin on her back prickle. She moved her head, trying to see their reflections in the windows of the car.

"Hold it right there." Strong male hands moved under her arms and down her sides, patting her down. Blushing furiously, she prayed the neighbors weren't watching. His hands slowed to a stroke at thigh level, and he lingered there a moment. Whoever it was —and she guessed it was the second bloke —she could feel his breath warm against her neck.

"You've acted inappropriately, but I'm willing to let you off with a verbal reprimand, if you take what I have to say seriously.

Something like deja vu tickled her mind. Her spine straightened, her faculties gathering. Oh, that voice. Her head jerked as she tried to look back at him. Something cold and metal slid into place around her wrists, and she heard the click as she realized who and what this was —handcuffs.

"Liam," she said in disbelief, staggering on her heels. "You followed me home."

"Step inside," his voice was gruff. "I need to talk to you."

They bicker for a few pages, but she is incredibly turned on and so is he. Then the action heats up.

Resist or submit? She smiled, suddenly loving the dilemma, and growled at him, making ready to run past him. As she shifted, he dropped into a goalkeeper's stance, arms out to capture her. She ducked this way and that, shot left. His arms went around her. Twisting, she slipped out of his grasp and staggered away, laughing with glee, but was thrown off-kilter because she couldn't move her arms. The sofa was looming into view as she hurtled across the room. There was no other option but to throw herself on it, sprawling uneasily across the cushions.

"Perfect," she heard him declare, as he grabbed her around her hips and lifted her onto her knees. The front of her shoulders were pushed into the back of the sofa. Her hips swayed, her skirt riding up.

"You love this every bit as much as I do," he breathed against her ear as he climbed over her, arms locked around her. She wriggled in his grasp... "You're turned on. You like being handcuffed, don't you?"...Pleasure shot through her. She wriggled her bottom against him..."Maybe".

"Short skirt again, how convenient."...Pushing the skirt up over her hips, he bunched the fabric at her waist and stroked her bottom through the lacy fabric of her knickers. "And you liked being spanked back there in the office, didn't you?"

Did she? Her mind flitted back. Yes, when he's been pushing her underneath the desk. It had been practically impossible for her to sit still under the desk, between his legs, and with her buttocks stinging in the most arousing way.

He looped one finger over the top of her knockers, and pulled them off. "Beautiful," he whispered.

She squeezed her eyes shut, loving his attention and hating it all at once.

"You look so hot when you're all pensive and thoughtful, it made me want to open your legs and distract you."

"Well, you managed it. You distracted me good and proper." She felt the urge to laugh aloud. It felt good, blaming him for the seduction. It felt good letting it out too.

He stroked and then spanked her exposed buttocks several times, making her gasp.

The sting shot through her entire nether region, a moment later altering to a different kind of sensation in her core. Her sex felt heavy and hot, tingling with arousal, as if the spank had lit a torch paper connected to the very quick of her...

He spanked her again, alternating from one buttock to the other, and she moaned loudly, her shoulders shuddering. She couldn't help herself; it burned in the most arousing way, making her want to wriggle and clench all over. Her upper body jerked up when she felt his fingers exploring her...

"This spanking seems to be making you wet, my dear... Was it something I said?"

"Everything you said," she admitted.

This story appeared in Naughty Bits 2, an anthology of short erotic fiction.

You Completed the Caption

This image brought out the best in you this week. Take a look at all the captions!

Joey: Man says, "How did you ever manage to put on those pants or is it just spray paint?"

Six of the best: "Do you call that clean?" said I. As I took my window of opportunity, and bent her over the hood of my car, pulled off her slacks and knickers, to bare her bottom, and proceeded to spank that naked rear end of hers with pleasureable gusto.

Sunnygirl: That bottom is just begging for a spanking and I would love to take advantage of her position.

Emen: Wow is that spankable! What on earth do those "pants" look like from the front?

Minelle: Oh... just one smack, that's all. Just one. :)

Vfrat25000: I wonder if Miss Yellow Pants would want to earn a new Porsche.

The guys with the hot sports cars always get the best looking ladies.

WOW! It would take a place setting for eight to spank that bottom. The old single wooden spoon wouldn’t come close.

I bet if I didn’t have to open my car door with a screwdriver she would have a drink with me. Darn the luck!

LOOK at THAT!..........................Gas is almost $4.00 a gallon

Indescribably tight pants during the week…Sings with the choir on Sunday…That is my dream woman.

If I spank that without permission it will get me a few days in the slammer. Oh well, I can use the rest!

Hey darling, nice pants. What did you say Fool! Ohhhh Craaaap! Sorry Man! I am really sorry!

Bonnie: The yellow sign says, "Dangerous Curves Ahead."

Prefectdt: The guy is thinking: I used to have a canary that colour.

Mick: (Noting the pen in his hand) "Where do you want me to sign?"

Ronnie: "Oh what I'd give to spank that bottom."

garyntboy: Maria decided to leave the mustard factory for a job washing cars, it was playing havoc with her complexion.

Young Lady: Horace had meant it this time when he said "Don't make me pull this car over!" but now how to deal with the fact that all he could find was his "micro switch".

Anonymous: "Excuse me ma'am, I'm an off duty police officer and pan-handling is illegal around here."
"Oh, I'm so sorry. please don't arrest me."
"Well, since I'm off duty we can go in that parking garage over there and I'll turn you over my knee for a good spanking. young lady."
"Um, can I keep my pants on? They are really hard to get back on once I take them down."

Teresa: Jaundice: sometimes it's pretty.

Hermione: "You missed a few bugs waaay over on the far side. You'll have to bend over to reach them."


Thanks for taking time to enjoy the scenery. More next week, so do come back.

Complete the Caption

The life of a squeegee girl has its ups and downs. What do you think will happen next?

Complete the caption by leaving a comment without any streaks, and I will publish your submissions in the next crystal clear post.

Friday FAIL

Vintage advertisement for products that would never be sold today.

 The age restriction was much lower then. Anyone six years of age or over could smoke them.

 Coca wine combined wine with cocaine, producing a compound now known as cocaethylene, which, when ingested, is nearly as powerful a stimulant as cocaine.

 The marketing efforts for coca wine focused primarily on its medicinal properties because it didn't taste very good. The effects were perceived to "fortify and refresh body and brain" and "restore health and vitality."

Toothache? What toothache. Whee!!!

They really do taste like people.