Say what you really think

U had 2 many cheezburgers

Implement Swing

This is another sketch from Consensual Spanking by Jules Markham, and it's quite interesting. Using the familiar heart as a symbol for the bottom, the drawings illustrate several correct and incorrect ways to spank a bottom.



Although I have no reason to complain about his technique, Ron may want to use this to do some swatting practice.

That's my Ass!

Does anyone remember the episode of Seinfeld that featured, among other things, a mannequin that looked exactly like Elaine?

What does that have to do with spanking? This segment of the script will explain everything.

[setting: Rinitze clothing shop]

(Jerry and Elaine enter and see the mannequin getting spanked by another mannequin)

JERRY: Boy, the resemblance is uncanny.

(Elaine goes to the saleswoman)

ELAINE: You think you can pose me however you want? That's my ass in your window!

SALESWOMAN: It's our store and our mannequin, we can do whatever we want with it.

(Elaine steals the mannequin and leaves)

Romantic Fiction

Recently I had some time to relax away from work, and thought I'd read something light. The excellent reference book The Compleat Spanker provides a list of mainstream authors whose works often include spanking, so I chose a romantic novel by Johanna Lindsey. The title Man of my Dreams sounded promising. The story is set in the year 1878 and involves a spoiled rich girl, a duke, horses, and deception.

I gave it a whirl and wasn't disappointed. As early as page 35 I found this:

"...I'm also a horse trainer...I treat them all like women--with a gentle hand for the most part, a firm one when needed, and a good slap to the hindquarters when they get too feisty."

The next reference followed soon after, on page 53. The man who spoke the previous word starts the dialogue with the 18-year-old young lady:

"Shall I demonstrate?"
"No!"
"Too bad. You do look so nice in pink."


He was referring to her blushes...

And again on page 80:

"Do you remember what I told you I do to horses and women who get too feisty?" He asked in a softly menacing tone. Megan could only nod, words failing her. "You're due."

It's getting closer on page 109:

"I'll wager your father has never laid a disciplinary hand on you, has he?"
She didn't mistake his meaning. "You wouldn't dare."
"I believe you know I would dare. Care to put it to the test?"

If there's any doubt in your mind at this point that this is a mainstream spanking book, this should convince you - the name of the male character doing all the talking is Devlin.

At last here's the spanking, on page 203, after she has been caught riding her horse bareback in the middle of the night:

"Someone has to teach you some sense, and come to think of it, there's no time like the present."

He caught her hand and started dragging her to the mounting block. Megan's mouth dropped open, her eyes widened incredulously, and she was a little bit in shock, knowing exactly what the amn intended doing.

"Wait a minute, Devlin, you can't really...I'll have you arrested. I'll have you--"

She landed hard across his knees the moment he sat down on the mounting block. She was about to scream her head off when he said, "Making a lot of noise won't stop me, brat. It'll just draw you an audience to watch."

The first smack was a revelation. It made a lot of noise when his hand connected with her bottom, though it didn't actually hurt. She'd forgotten that she had worn one of her thickest riding skirts. Well, the joke was on Devlin, but she'd never tell. Of course, that was only the first whack. By the time he finished, and that was quite a while later, repetition had made silk out of thick wool, and Megan didn't feel like laughing.

After another 200 pages of nonsense, they lived happily ever after.

Weather Wolf

Does the weather affect spanking for you? It makes a difference to us.

When the temperature and humidity are soaring, the last thing Ron wants is to have me across his lap when we are both hot and sweaty. So we reserve that kind of close bodily contact for more moderate temperatures. The best position in hot weather is bent over the end of the bed. This allows us plenty of accessibility to intimate areas without actually getting too close for comfort, and Ron can use one of the longer implements.

On the other hand, when there's a chill in the air, I'm reluctant to dress in something skimpy (or nothing at all) and stay exposed for very long. In that case, it's so much nicer to start off by cuddling under the sheets, then gradually progress to a spanking over pillows when I'm feeling warmer all over.

Then again, if rain is predicted for one day on the weekend, and sunshine's in the forecast for the day we usually enjoy spanking, we'll switch our schedule so that we can spend the fine day outdoors, and save our indoor fun for the rainy day.

Have you ever looked at the sun and seen a small multi-coloured patch, like a little piece of rainbow, on one or both sides? That's called a weather wolf, and it signifies that rain is on the way. Ron is my weather wolf. He's quite the weather-watcher, and likes to be able to predict it. He's ever on the lookout for precipitation.

One afternoon, rain was in the forecast. We had a date for spanking, but I wondered if he was going to be able to tear himself away from the Weather Network, the barometer on the wall, and his five favourite weather websites.

He eventually switched off the TV and said, "it's time" and I hurried up to the bedroom to get ready. I waited, and finally heard his footsteps on the stairs and in the hall, going past the door. Where did he go?

A few minutes later he appeared in the doorway. "There are storm clouds coming in pretty fast from the west." He had been gazing out of the window instead of into my eyes. I got his attention, and he did his best to administer a decent spanking, although he tended to stop after every three or four swats to ask "did that sound like thunder to you?" And he didn't mean the noise of the paddle on my skin.

We eventually accomplished our mission and were lying curled together. I gently stroked Ron's hair but he pulled away, sat up and said "it's raining."

"So what? Who cares? Come here." I wanted a little aftercare.

"Don't you have laundry outside on the line?"

Yikes! I leapt out of bed, pulled on my shorts and t-shirt, and raced downstairs and out into the back yard to rescue the washing from the rain. As I quickly filled the laundry basket I realized that I hadn't even had time to examine my reddened bottom in the mirror. By the time I dealt with the damp clothes, the redness would have faded. Maybe next time I should check the weather before a spanking.

Is Your Bottom Ready?

Get your backside ready for the rest of the summer with these three handy tips.

1. Take the stairs whenever you can.

2. While you're stair-climbing, straighten each leg and lift it straight back.

3. Do squats.


And to prepare your backside for some special attention, these three exercises can be done during spare moments throughout the day.

1. Practise bending over every available chair, sofa arm, desk, railing or table whenever you can. Include a few toe touches because you just never know.

2. Take a deep breath. While exhaling, say "ow, ow, OW" loudly and forcefully. If you think someone is staring at you, switch to "ho, ho, HO" and say you're playing Santa at the office Christmas party.

3. Clench one bottom cheek, hold for a count of one, then release. Repeat on the other side. Continue to alternate sides for the length of an average spanking.

Do these three simple exercises daily and you - and your backside - will be ready for summertime spanking.

The Latest Fashion

These skirts are all the rage in Japan.

No, they aren't really see-through. The skirts are printed to make it look like panties or bare bottoms are visible.

I wonder if there are some with rosy bottom prints.

For a larger selection, click here. Be sure to read the analysis at the end.

Where were you when...

Do you remember where you were when John F. Kennedy was assassinated? Okay, I'm dating myself here. Most of you were too young to remember, or probably weren't even born.

How about the day Martin Luther King, Jr. was shot?

Or Robert Kennedy's death?

The space shuttle Challenger disaster?

The day Diana, Princess of Wales, died?

The day the music died? (That one's for Ron :-)

The Boxing Day tsunami?


Now how about some happy occasions.


Man's first steps on the moon?

The inauguration of Barack Obama?

The day you first found My Bottom Smarts?

I'll bet you were sitting at a computer, searching for spanking sites, just like I was two years ago.

I'm not sure of the exact date of my arrival at that spanko Mecca, but it had a great impact on my life. I was already in a spanking relationship, and we had been enjoying it regularly for over twenty years. But the things I learned at MBS made me realize how much more fun and variety we could be having. The friendships I developed there and on many other blogs have been very important to me.

Two years ago today I left my first comment on MBS, and Bonnie hasn't been able to shut me up since!

So what were doing on the day you discovered Bonnie's blog? (And if you haven't found her yet, get thee hence!)

How long have you been reading My Bottom Smarts? Ever since the day it began More than three years Between two and three years Between one and two years More than six months but less than a year Only a few weeks I just found it! MBS? Never heard of it. Current Results

Knock First

The 25-year-old boyfriend of a 34-year-old woman was beaten with a baseball bat and punched by a group of her teenage daughter's friends. The girl heard slaps and screams coming from the bedroom, assumed her mom needed help, and called some friends to intervene. But it seems the noise was all part of some consensual intimate activities. Police charged the teens with assault.

I first saw this item in a newspaper, where the slapping was mentioned twice, and it sounded like some spanking fun to me. When I searched for a link to the story so I could include it here, few of the websites that carried it included any mention of slaps.

Read a full account of the incident here. The comments at the end of the item leave no doubt that most readers considered it harmless fun.

The Challenge

When I published the third Positions post, I said I wanted to hear from anyone who had tried every position in all three posts, either as a spanker or as a spankee.

Lisa took me up on the challenge. Here's what she wrote on my blog:

June 30 at 10:42 am
Thank you for the fantastic "positions" posts and after reviewing the positions numerous times I came up with a fantastic idea. I am Canadian and tomorrow is Canada Day so I told hubby we are going to have a Canada Day Marathon. Throughout the day tomorrow I am going to spank him in every one of the positions that you posted. I have not decided on all the details for example I was thinking 10 smacks in each position but maybe more not sure as we have all day for the spanking and if I should just use my hand or?


Should be fun.
Lisa

A second comment from her two hours later showed that she had been giving the matter a great deal of thought.

June 30 at 12:40 pm
Again thank you for the position info. I decided that I would use a number of implements. I made a screen shot of the positions and cut them out. Wayne will draw one out of a container. He then will draw another paper from a different container that will have sheets of paper with my favorite implements including my hand. Only detail left is number of spanks.

The next day I found this email from Lisa in my inbox:

July 1 at 1:21 am
I am all set to start my Spanking Marathon day first thing in the morning. I count a total of 25 different positions at 10 smacks each position it will be a fun day for me.

I have to admit that my thoughts were with them both on that day, along with the parades, barbecues and fireworks. Especially during the fireworks.

July 1 at 6:19 pm
Started at 7:00 am this morning. 18 positions and 180 spanks down 7 positions and 70 spanks to go. His bottom has been red all day lol.

I'm sure it was red. After a very long day, the final tally from Lisa was in:

July 2 at 12:15 am
All done.
25 positions - 250 spanks = 1 red bottom (and warm to the touch I might add lol)

Let's have a big round of applause for Lisa and Wayne, who really know how to celebrate Canada Day. Will this be an annual tradition, Lisa?

I Can't Believe it Either

In Canada, a popular margarine goes by the name of "I Can't Believe it's not Butter!"

Hanky Panky

Our goldfish are once again enjoying their brief summer outside in the pond. Ron came in after feeding them one evening and said, "there's some hanky panky going on out there."

"What?" Images of fish spanking one another with their long golden fins danced through my mind. The biggest one did seem quite dommish. Or maybe the garden gnome was involved.

"No, not spanking." Ron had correctly interpreted the look on my face. "They're-- you know, fooling around."

Vanilla hanky panky?

Rate my Blog

I found a link to a site that rates your blog according to the content. Thanks, Todd and Suzy, for posting about this.

My rating is R. Who knew this blog was so naughty? The words that made it so were "sex", "porn" and "hurt". So I guess Ron was right.


Try it here and see how your blog rates.

Malfoy's Revenge

Thank you, David, for sending me this great cartoon of my alter ego. Judging from the keyword searches that bring readers to my blog, many of you will be very pleased to see this.

Enjoy!

I wouldn't want to work...

... for the city of Bozeman, Montana. If you apply for a job with the city, you'll find this on the application:

"Please list any and all current personal or business websites, web pages or memberships on any Internet-based chat rooms, social clubs or forums, to include, but not limited to: Facebook, Google, Yahoo, YouTube.com, MySpace, etc."

That's not all. It also requires the applicant's user names and password information for all those sites.

Obviously that would also include members of Fetlife and Spankolife.

Would you out yourself for the sake of a job? How would you fill out that application? How much or how little information would you include?


Late-breaking news: After this story hit the blogopshere, the city had so many complaints that the requirement was removed from the application form.

Present Perfect

While writing my previous post about how it all began, I did a lot of thinking about my former life in a vanilla relationship. I don't know if Ron read that post, but one evening a week or so later, he started to talk about his previous life. I forget how the subject came up, but he began telling me about the intimate side of that unhappy relationship. He rarely opens up like that, but he obviously needed to share. I listened and sympathized. This was something that had happened over thirty years ago so I wasn't troubled by it, and had heard parts of the story before. I won't go into the details, except to say that he and his wife were not sexually compatible.

After a while, he took a deep breath and said, "So I've told you all about ____ and me. What about you and ____?" I hadn't expected this, and telling husband number two about sex with husband number one isn't always a great idea. But because I had recently recalled unhappy memories that had been buried for many years, the words came easily. And it was Ron's turn to listen sympathetically and shake his head in amazement from time to time.

When I was done, a kind of peace settled over us. I've always known that Ron is far happier with me than he had been with his ex, and now I truly believe that he realizes how contented I am with him, and how highly I value him. He has always been a bit insecure, but I think the penny finally dropped and he knows that he makes me very happy, both in the bedroom and out.

Our next encounter for cuddling and spanking was especially gratifying. I felt very loved and special. I believe he knew how much I treasured every kiss, every caress, every swat. We have reconnected in a deeper way, and long may it last!

How Many Bums?

How many bums can you spot in this picture?

(Thank you once again to Ron for finding another great graphic.)

Um, is it "Red"?

Or maybe it's "Cheezburger".

Have a safe, sane and happy Consensual Spanking Day!

Sold!

I recently read an item in a newspaper that began "Earlier this week, _________ raised his auction paddle and held his breath." Up until then I hadn't realized what a great spanko opportunity an auction was.



First, there's selecting the paddle from an assortment of them and trying not to blush.




Imagine sitting next to this person and imagining who will be going over his knee if he doesn't have the winning bid. I wonder where his companion went.




The numbers might refer to the number of whacks you're in for later on.




Maybe the rounded rectangle shape is more to your liking.




So many paddles; so little time!

142 and counting

Happy Canada Day to my fellow Canadian spanking enthusiasts!

Today is the 142nd anniversary of Confederation, the day when a small collection of provinces in British North America became united as the Dominion of Canada.

Today's holiday was originally called Dominion Day, and in 1982 the name was officially changed to Canada Day.

Did you know that Canada is the second largest country in the world?

My Australian friend subtletimes has written a "food porn" post, so I thought you might like to sample a few Canadian delicacies.










maple syrup

poutine

butter tarts

tourtiere

Nanaimo bars

seal flipper pie

Oka cheese

back bacon

fiddleheads

Saskatoonberry pie