Friday FAIL

It's been the winter from hell in most of Canada, and now even the Southern US is suffering. Snow in Florida? That's where Canadians go to escape the winter, not to have it follow them.

Be sure to check out this week's Complete the Caption. You still have time to add yours.

Complete the Caption

This gentleman needs a bit of tidying up, and his partner seems enthusiastic about the job. What have they been up to? What do you think happens to him next?

Complete the caption by leaving a comment and I will publish a summary of your responses in a future post.

If you haven't tried it before, now's your chance. Have fun with it! There are no wrong answers.

Meme: 54 Things

Ana made up a list of 54 things that made her happy. I enjoyed reading her list, but thought to myself that I could never do that. I'm not by nature a happy person, and decided to prove it by writing down the few things that make me happy. It was hard at first, but once I got started my list grew and grew. Over the course of 24 hours I managed to complete over half the list. It took several days to think of another two dozen things, but eventually I did it. Hey, I guess I'm happier that I thought!

Here's what makes Hermione happy:

1. Seeing my favourite musicians perform in person
2. Pizza - any kind, any place, any time
3. Blogging about spanking
4. Watching an organist play
5. My husband's smile
6. Watching the Food Network
7. Singing in a choir
8. Pussywillows
9. Trying new recipes
10. Seeing my stats after I have been Chrossed
11. Watching Doc Martin
12. Listening to a performance of Handel's Messiah
13. Having my blog mentioned on other blogs
14. Studying and passing exams
15. Bagpipes
16. Seeing my writing published in a newspaper
17. Planting seeds and watching new life emerge from the soil
18. Harvesting vegetables and giving them to a soup kitchen
19. Buying groceries to donate to the local food bank
20. The scent of lilacs
21. Watching our younger dog play, run and jump after months of health challenges
22. Going to an airport and watching the planes take off
23. Watching Gordon Ramsay prepare easy and delicious dishes without using the F word
24. A quiet house after visitors have gone home
25. Eating the first green peas of the season, straight out of the pod
26. Baking for my family
27. Picking a spring bouquet of violets and lilies-of-the-valley
28. The feel of clay beneath my hands as I shape and mold it
29. Doing jigsaw puzzles
30. Military parades
31. Browsing the shelves of the public library or a bookshop
32. Doing logic puzzles
33. Long walks in the woods
34. Having a picnic in the woods
35. Filling a shoebox for Operation Christmas Child
36. Day trips to local historic sites
37. Doing projects that allow me to be creative and messy
38. Watching our dogs do cute and silly things
39. Sitting in front of a blazing fire in the fireplace
40. Hunting the wily haggis
41. Watching our goldfish swim in their tank
42. Donating things we no longer use to someone who can use them
43. Driving along country roads to enjoy the fall colours
44. Coming home after a long day of travelling
45. Decorating the house for the holidays
46. Thinking up topics for our Sunday brunches
47. Finding food pictures for the brunch posts
48. Volunteering on the Blogger help forum
49. Watching a hummingbird sip nectar from our feeder
50. Enjoying Boston Legal again
51. James Spader (see #50)
52. Reading my favourite blogs
53. getting a back rub
54. Seeing the start of a new day

Please feel free to give this a try on your blog.

From the Top Shelf - Andy

It's been quite a while since I shared an F/m story with you so I went searching for one, and was pleased to discover this one written by Rollin Hand. It's Part 1 of "The Truth about Andy" from Rollin's published book Tales from a Switch, and I think you will enjoy it.

The truth is, my husband Andy is the kindest, gentlest, most loving husband a woman could have. He’s a great dad to our two kids, Katy and Jeff. He’ll go all out to do the whole dad thing—soccer, little league, PTA, you name it.

At Halloween, it’s our house that has the scary graveyard on the porch and it’s Andy who jumps out wearing a monster mask and carrying a rubber cleaver. I don’t know who has more fun, Andy or the kids. At Easter, he’s the Easter Bunny, at Christmas, Santa. In short, he’s a big kid at heart.

He goofs off with his buddies. They play pranks on each other. He’s a stand-up comedian when we’re with company. The guy singing off key with the lampshade on his head is usually Andy. April Fool’s day—don’t get me started—the fake dog poo, the rubber snakes, the clocks turned an hour forward. I guess I should be used to it.

It is a good thing I’m a bit more grounded. I keep the house running, the bills paid, the kids clothed, and hold down a job as a personnel director for a fairly large company. Andy is a computer engineer by trade and he makes a good living. So it’s Andy’s inner child that I have to restrain because otherwise things would get a little too wild around here, if you know what I mean.

That’s the thing—Andy is a fine man, but at times, a mischievous boy. Not a bad boy, mind you, he just never outgrew his Dennis the Menace phase... So the way I keep things down to a mild roar is a bit unusual, but hardly unique.

It started one night after a dinner with business acquaintances. Now I had told Andy to cool it this one time because I knew one of the couples was wired a trifle tight. Ed and Vivian were solid church-going folk—a bit too stuffy if you asked me, but Ed was one of the bosses I reported to, so you have to live with that.

But Andy was in comedian mode and told some story that upset Ed and Vivian. I groaned inwardly when he launched the punchline (now where’s that Eskimo woman I’m supposed to wrestle?) but it was too late. I knew Andy had gotten a little too revved up but he was channeling Johnny Carson and wouldn’t listen to me, even when I cautioned that one of these couples wouldn’t appreciate even mild off color humor. So I was put out with him and I let him know it all the way home.

So when we got home he said something like, “Look Rachael, if you’re so upset, why don’t you just, uhh… spank me? Here, I’ll bend over—go ahead.” And he bent over, sticking his bottom out and holding his knees. When I did nothing he looked around over his shoulder and said,

“Well?”

So I said, “Don’t be ridiculous.” And Andy said, “No, I mean it. Go on, give me a good smack.” But Andy was grinning as he said it.

Now to me, this was Andy in full Andy mode, doing his usual clowning around. So I had an epiphany. I was going to call his bluff.

So I said, “So Andy, are you serious, dear? You really think I should smack your little bottom?”

And Andy straightened up and said, “Rachael, I’m sorry, really, and if it will make you feel better, just go right ahead and fire away. Hard as you want. I can take it. Give me your best shot”. Then he bent over again, sticking his butt out.

So I said, “Hmmm, you know, you might have something there, dear. But let’s not do it here. Why don’t you go down stairs to the rec room and wait for me there?”

Andy shot me a quizzical look, and said “The…uh, rec room? oh, ok… but…”

I folded my arms and started tapping my foot. This is my ‘I mean business’ look. It works most of the time. “But what, Andy? You said you wanted me to spank you. Ok, I think I will; so go down there and wait for me.” Then I just pointed at the door.

Well, he got this stunned look on his face. It was priceless—Andy at a loss for words for once; but he  shrugged and headed for the stairs.

Meanwhile I formed a plan. I knew that somewhere we had one of those joke paddles—you know the kind—they say “for the cute little ‘deer’ with the ‘bear’ behind”. I thought this would be just the ticket, so I went up to our room and found it in the closet.

I made sure the kids were asleep and closed their door. I figured this might get noisy. Andy saw the paddle in my hand when I came in the room. He’d been idling by the couch, arms folded impatiently, but now he pointed at the little paddle in my hand and said, “Now wait a minute, Rachael, what do you think you are going to do with that?”

And I said, as sweetly as I could, “Why, give you your spanking, Andy. That is what this is for, right?” I said, holding it up for him to see. And then I smacked it in my palm and said, “Ouch! Yeah. This will do nicely.” And for effect I blew on my hand.

Andy just gaped at me. I sat on the padded foot rest in front of the couch and crooking my finger at him said, “Ok, Andy, come over here. Let’s go. One sound spanking, coming up.”

Andy started to protest again, but I just gave him my best you-are-in-trouble look and said, “Andy, you asked for this and now you want to go back on it? I’m willing to put this little incident behind us, but you have to do what I tell you.”

Andy scratched his head and said. “Geez. Now you won’t hit me hard with that thing, will you?”

I said, very matter of factly, “I’m in charge of this spanking, not you. You don’t get to dictate terms. Now come over here.”

So Andy said, “But I didn’t think…”

And I said, “Oh, you didn’t think I’d really do it? So that’s why you offered? So now you’re going to fink out and be a big coward about it?”

“Well, no,” he said, “but I was just…”

“You were just clowning around. I know”. By this time he’d actually moved over to my side. I guessed I’d shamed him into it.

“But, c’mon, Rachael, it was just a little joke and…”

I reminded him that his little joke had upset the wife of superior of mine and that this could impact our social and professional networking. My next command startled him even more. I said, “Take down your pants and get across my knee.”

Predictably, Andy said, “Oh, no, now wait a minute. My pants? You can’t be serious. And over your knee like some 6 year old kid getting a spanking from mommy? No way!”

“Andrew James Jordan,” I said,” get your pants down and get yourself across my lap right now. We are really doing this. It was your idea, so quit stalling and take them down.”

Andy gave this big sigh and rolled his eyes, “For God’s sake, this is ridiculous,” but he dropped his pants and climbed over my lap.

But I wasn’t done, oh, no. I said, “Lift up.” Andy says, “What?” I just said, as sweetly as I could, “My dearest husband, studies have shown that spankings are so much more effective when delivered to the bare behind of the recipient, so raise up, please.”

And Andy groaned in protest but did as I asked. Now I had Andy’s bare, and if I may say so, oh so cute, hiney at my disposal. Andy is about my height and slender, so he fit over my lap rather nicely. He had a nice bottom too, round and cute with little dimples. I could even feel a little hint of arousal, to tell you the truth, but I had to put that aside for now. There was a job to do.

I grabbed the paddle and tapped his behind a few times, just getting the feel of it. Then I smacked him, hard. He jumped and yelped, “Ouch!”

It left a big red band. I drew back and smacked him again and he let out an “Oww! Rachael. Hey!”

I ignored him and just launched into it, picking up my tempo, smacking Andy’s bottom pretty hard about ten times real fast. The effect was immediate. Andy let out another yell, arched his back, and lifted his legs. It must have really stung his bottom. I said, “Hush, Andy, you’ll wake the children.” But he yelped, “My God, Rachael that really hurts. Come on, ease up, will you?”

Ease up? No way. I was looking at the immediate red flush I’d painted on his rear cheeks and thought, well this is going pretty good. I said, “Sorry dear, we are just getting started.” The next ten or so were still hard but slower and more deliberate. At each smack Andy let out an “owww” and made that little “sssss” sound when you suck in air and drummed his toes on the floor.

Then I switched gears again and spanked with a rapid tattoo, left cheek, right cheek, both together, maybe not as hard, but the cumulative effect of a lot of brisk spanks had Andy squirming and bucking and trying to choke back his yells. I guess he didn’t want the kids to come down and see their father sprawled out over mommy’s lap getting his bare bottom roasted. After about a minute of this treatment Andy was begging me to stop, but I just said, “This is a spanking, Andy. The real thing. I know it hurts (smack! Smack!) but you’ll just (smack! Whap!) have to grin and bear it.”

His butt must have really been stinging by then. It was bright red. I think I even said, “Whew, this is making me hot,” and Andy sputtered, “Well how the hell do you think I feel? Please, Rachael, let me up. I won’t crack any more bad jokes, honest to God.”

But I felt like I had to drive the point home, so I said. “Ok, Andy, here’s how it’s going to be. I’m giving you 15… no, 20 real good stingers with this little toy then we’re all done. They’re going to be hard ones. Don’t try to get off my lap. Stay in position like a big boy. Here we go.” I tapped once or twice then lifted the paddle and brought it down with a firm snap of my wrist. The paddle made a crack like a firecracker and Andy stifled back a screech and seemed to almost levitate off my lap. “Good God, Rachael, that thing stings like a whole bees nest!”

But crack! I gave it to him again.

“Maybe you’d better count them off, Andy,” I said. He kind of sobbed, “Ok, ok, but not so hard. Please…”. I guess I did ease up a little and we managed to get through it, Andy counting each one and me trying to smack him square across his bright red bottom with nice snap of my wrist each time, just to make sure I got the point across.

When I let him up he gave me the funniest look while he stood there rubbing his behind like mad. It was as if he couldn’t believe I’d just done what I had just done. I had to giggle.

There he was, pants at his ankles, eyes bugged out wide and hopping and rubbing. I took pity on him at that point and said, “Poor baby,” and gave him a big hug. I actually smothered his face with kisses because now I felt like I could give my arousal free rein. I noticed Andy was good and hard too, despite his obvious discomfort. We practically tore off each other’s clothes and Andy had me right there on the rec room couch. After awhile we got up, went up to the bedroom and damn if we didn’t do it again.

Later as Andy ruefully rubbed some of my cold cream on his still red hiney, he said, “Ok maybe I deserved that. I asked for it I guess.” I said, “That you did—in more ways than one.” Then he added with a grin, “I guess there were some fringe benefits.” I said “Right again. I think I’ll hang on to this little paddle.”

And he said, “Only if I get to use it too—when you act up.”

“Andy, my dear, I don’t act up. You do. You are the biggest 12 year old kid I know, and now I think I have the solution to your juvenile impulses.”

Thank you, Rollin, for allowing me to share this lovely story.

Recap: Spanko Brunch for January 26

This week's discussion was about finding another spanking partner if your significant other is simply not interested. These are your thoughts.

Bob B: As my blog expands and covers the more recent years I will cover this in some depth, but in short, yes. I went through a very long spanking drought and although initially my wife took the spankings it fizzled out after a few years. Although the spankings excite me sexually I only look at that side of things with my wife. So when I finally booked someone to spank I chose someone that does not offer sexual services with it, although there are girls a lot closer to me that offer that kind of service. I did not see it as cheating (being a bloke I probably wouldn't. I hear some of you say and you are probably right). When I finally sat down and explained the situation and the need things somehow fell back into place with my wife. Now she willingly excepts my fetish and enters into it and also my need to sometimes go a little heavier with a professional.

I have always loved my wife and I see myself as a very lucky man indeed.

EsMay: Because of the nature of spanking, and the intimacy and bonds that it creates, I would find that I would have a very hard time if the Duke ever decided to spank someone else. I do find that in a marriage, we have to step outside of ourselves at times, cross over those comfort zones, to try things for our spouse. It is sad that his wife will not even consider a trial, or a one-time deal to see if she is really as against it as she says. But I do feel it would not be right to find someone else to fulfill this part of himself either... but that is something he'd have to talk to his wife about. She may be cool with it... I would not be.

Dragon's Rose: At first, Dragon was totally against spanking. It took him a while to warm up to the idea. Yes, I have been flogged by a friend but not spanked. Dragon was deployed and I needed the release. I only did it with Dragon's approval.

Dan: I personally would see it as cheating. Even in the DD-oriented spanking relationship we are in, the sexual component is strong enough that I think it would be hard to characterize the spanking as completely non-erotic. Therefore, I have a hard time characterizing it as a non-sexual act that would not qualify as, in some sense, engaging in a sexual act with someone else.

Some of the other comments also raise an interesting issue regarding a spouse who is reluctant to participate in spanking. Whether a spouse should be willing to participate even if it's not (yet?) their thing seems to me to depend a lot on whether they are giving or receiving. It is one thing to ask someone to give you a spanking when you are the one who will be receiving the pain. It seems less reasonable to me to expect a partner who is not into spanking to receive one, since they are the one being subjected to the pain.

Roz: Spanking is such a intimate act between two people and creates and bond and connection. Therefore, I would have a hard time with it and if Rick was unwilling to try spanking, would not seek another spanker.

Catherine: I would not consider this at all outside of my marriage. There is more to this lifestyle than spanking regardless of what type you are giving or receiving. It is the building of a deeper, respectful, obedient and submissive loving relationship. It's not meant to be for kicks and grins, it is not a game. It is two lives working towards the same goals.

Fiona: I think spanking can be sexual and a kind of foreplay, and frequently is between Sir and me. However there are other spankings which are for endorphin release and more platonic and I think would not be considered as being unfaithful. I do think communication is crucial, though.

Minelle: For me I would not go outside of my marriage. My husband said he would never want someone else to spank me.

If a couple is okay with finding another person to satisfy that need, then that is okay for them.

 Measha: There was a time where my husband wasn't into the spanking thing. He liked the occasional spanking for foreplay but the DD and later D/s side of me was too much for him. I did think about going outside of our marriage to get this need met. He was against it, so I didn't. If I had gone outside of our marriage w/out his consent or knowledge, then I would have been cheating.

It's not the outsider that makes it cheating. It is the dishonesty and betrayal. I would have had an intimate relationship (sexless but still intimate) outside of our marriage without his consent or knowledge.

Thankfully, he now enjoys our relationship, thanks to some education and meeting people within the community. Spanking is not an issue with us now, but if he had never come around... I honestly don't know what would have happened.

Bonnie: That's a decision I hope I won't ever have to consider. Even if my husband was OK with the idea, I think it would be difficult for me to share my body with someone else. I'm not sure whether I could do that.

NiNa:  This is a difficult situation to be in, I think and it is sad that she does not at least give it a try.
If hubby did not want spanking, I would not go look for it outside our relationship. For me it would feel like being unfaithful because spanking includes a lot of intimacy and I only want to share that with hubby.

Ricky: Well, if you truly love her (as I'm sure you do), and she loves and trusts you, I wouldn't do anything to betray that trust and love.

Ronnie: Difficult one and I know it works for some couples. If P wasn't willing to spank I don't think I could go and seek another spanker even if he approved.

Bogey: Speaking for myself, I would not be married to someone who did not share my interest in spanking.

Attempting to speak for others, if either is jealous, it would damage/destroy the marriage.

morningstar: For very different reasons I did 'bottom' for someone. I never hid it because I firmly believe there are many components to cheating - and being dishonest is a big part of it.

I did not get the usual "thrill" from being spanked by someone else - which just went to prove (to me anyway) that there a) has to be some sort of emotional connection and b) that spanking is a very intimate practice.

I often feel like the lone voice in the wilderness in this sort of discussion because to me going behind your partner's back for anything is cheating. A rose by any other name is still a rose.

Prefectdt: Yes I would and have in the past.

And no, I do not regard this as having been unfaithful, as there was no sexual indiscretion or sexual intent in the play.

Keiter: Love & commitment are important, but so is the expression of those things (which is what spanking is to me). I was in a marriage where, at first, she loved being spanked and loved our sex life, but this diminished over time. After 20 years, she didn't want any of it. That was one of the many reasons I divorced her. During the last years of our dysfunctional marriage, I wrote short stories to channel those feelings. I don't consider this being unfaithful. I was never with another woman during my marriage. But now I'm free and enjoying life!
(This is my first time posting!)

Welcome, Keiter!

Sunnygirl: For us, it is an intimate thing so I don't think I would feel comfortable going outside of marriage.

Mike: My partner totally does not understand my wanting to be spanked. After much discussion she has committed to taking care of my needs, and has become quite adept at reddening my backside. We have a long term committed marriage, but I was tempted to go outside at one point. My commitment to her was too strong, and I am glad I persisted in keeping up the dialogue rather than taking the easy way out.

Welcome, Mike!

Quiet Sara: For me I would be very against my husband entering in to a spanking relationship with anyone else and I, in turn, would not want to be spanked by anyone else. I do believe that it is a risky venture because although the person looking to spank someone else outside the relationship may indeed only spank, and not sexually cheat with that person, it could easily lead to that.

Sir Wendel: If suddenly she lost interest in spanking I wouldn't seek out someone else. Spanking is only one reason why I love my wife.

Baxter: I would never consider seeking a spanking partner outside my marriage. While it did take a long time to get R interested in spanking me, it was worth it as she and I talk and text about it a lot. Like the other day, she bought $200 of stuff from a hobby shop. I texted her saying that she must give me 200 spanks because I told her to go ahead and get the stuff. She has been enthusiastically strapping me today on three occasions and she still has 120 spanks to go on me. I encourage her to spank me and she will tell me when and where to get into position. I may have a unique situation, but I took a no spanker and turned her into a spanker that enjoys watching my butt turn red.

Erica: I do, regularly, and have for years.

As many know, the man I love is kinked and fully spanking-tolerant, but it's not really his thing. He did it for me for a long time, which was wonderful of him, but I would rather play with someone who loves and craves it as much as I do.

It's not for everyone, but it's the absolute best for us.

Nena: I have thought about this many times over the years. My husband does spank me, but he only does so because he knows I want him to. He doesn't mind doing it, but it is not his thing and he doesn't quite get it. Thing is that to me it would feel like cheating to have somebody else spank me and I would feel really guilty about it, so it's not an option for me. Of course this is only how it feels for me in my marriage, if others are comfortable with it and their partner doesn't mind, I say, go for it :)

Welcome, Nena!

Hermione: Ron and I both consider spanking to be a sexual act, and even if they don't happen at the same time, sex and spanking are always connected. Luckily, neither of us needs to go elsewhere. If I were to seek out another spanking partner, Ron would certainly see this as being unfaithful, and so would I. It is not something I would consider lightly, if at all.

Thank you all for contributing your thoughts on this topic. Please join us again next weekend for another lively discussion.

Spanko Brunch 2.0 #4

Welcome, everyone, to our weekly brunch. Today's topic for discussion was inspired by Tim the Tum's recent post. Tim is a spanking enthusiast but his wife does not share his enthusiasm. Let's put ourselves in his shoes for a moment.

You are in a committed relationship and have discussed your love of spanking with your spouse /partner /soulmate. However, your partner doesn't really understand, and refuses to even consider trying spanking. Would you ever engage in spanking outside of your relationship? Would you consider that as being unfaithful to your partner?

Leave your opinion as a comment, and I will publish an edited summary once everyone has had a chance to speak.

You Completed the Caption

This photo made many of you take quick action. Here's what you said:


Fiona: I saw the red on your cheeks and thought you might be on fire!

GaryNTboy: Darling, can you fetch me a large glass of water? I'm really thirsty out here!

Anon: You're going to wish you had that water poured on your bare bottom; to the house young man!

Ronnie: You said you need cooling down.

Sunnygirl: "I sensed you needed to be cooled down."

Smuccatelli: I'm gonna give YOU a tanning, mister!

Prefectdt: The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.

Note - This was totally stolen from Oscar Wilde.

Ami Starsong: But I thought I heard you shout "Fire!"

Baxter: Ya know, we could have gone to the beach or you could have a pool installed. But NOOOOO. you take the cheapass way out and throw a bucket of water on me. This means only one thing and that is you are getting a spanking. So take your bucket and go find the paddle and hurry back.

DelFonte: Kev misunderstood her request for more effective aftercare.

Hermione: "Quick! Look up! I can make the water look like a dolphin."


Thank you to all who joined in today. Remember that Complete the Caption now appears each Thursday.

Say What?

More from the wonderful world of spammers.

These spam messages I have categorized as Huh? What are they trying to say? Some look to be written in other languages and translated into English (of a sort) while others are just plain weird.

The grandness of Alimentation labels comes into play when you're devising to be able-bodied to make an indelible commencement notion on your customer. Moving on to Joseph crosswise the street, I lust after a disastrous trench with the great unwashed giving up music?

What a stuff of un-ambiguity and preserveness of precious know-how on the topic of unexpected emotions.

supply ourselves with the funding cipher. In its robust mix of success books from beginners to the SBA lend self-confidence programs. Online improve through online mood. net is the influence too, with the unbroken skills and you pay the owe, the postulate of the secrets of property you either acquire finance furnish ourselves with the financing serve. In its people mix of big books from beginners to the SBA loan statement programs. Online back up through online modal value.

Internet is the period too, with the undefiled skills and you pay the owe, the price of the secrets of period of time you either buy

 This next one is just plain bizarre. Google Translate, you failed!

A endmost sprog asked his affront: “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?”
The broken-down lady tried to proportion down to account this injure to backsheesh her daughters: “It is because of you, dear. Every depreciating hooch of yours kindly wrongdoing a precise of my hairs cloudy!”
The newborn replied innocently: “At united then I be sensible why grandmother has on the other dole unconscious erudite hairs on her head.”

Then there was the spam message that consisted of an extensive list of gibberish. Below I have reproduced a small selection from the original list of over 50.

dulaRateGlild
VomsBessGex
Amerrymer
TobaeropLoorn
JalTeliaerole
cymnDeems
futttadsMathy
Dwewrilia
TrorStareesob
nakyDaccade
Tutassogs
Utinariance
TeaniennaDole
embottepoiste
seelrymes
DembabClele
Quefafefent
Snoggitoswilt
UnonaZesnor
Avatryerelt
EnveveMip
Gratrygab
floucourl

If you haven't already done so, you still have time to Complete the Caption.

Complete the Caption

It's winter here in the Northern hemisphere, and a bitter one at that for those of us who are farther from the equator. But on the other side of the world it's summer, and temperatures are soaring. Does she think this is refreshing, or has he gone a littel too far?

Complete the caption by leaving a comment and I will publish your submissions in a future post.

Wednesday WIN

Some fun images that make me think of spanking.

There's a solution for every problem

What do the students learn in that room?

The kinky New York subway system

It's the Butt Bowl!

Breakfast burrito, anyone?

From the Top Shelf - Vanilla Fiction

I recently read a novel by British author Alan Titchmarsh called Love & Dr Devon. It is a not particularly riveting story of three men in their fifties who meet once a week for a pint and a chat. The book explores each of their lives as they examine their personal relationships and their careers. They also combine efforts to solve a crime.

One of the three is Gary, who works for MI5 and is rather James Bond-like, not in his appearance but certainly in his attitude towards women. He is still single at 50 and has never had a permanent relationship. He currently has a romantic interest in his much younger colleague, Sarah, who continually rejects his attempts at seduction.

I wasn't particularly taken with the book and considered putting it aside for something more interesting when I came across this titillating passage. Sarah and Gary are having a conversation in their shared office, and Sarah is questioning Gary about what he and his mates do when they get together once a week. She makes several unsuccessful guesses of various sports.

Gary stopped and looked at her. "Dominoes."

"What?"

"You heard. We play dominoes over a pint. Nothing glamorous, no high stakes, just a bit of fun."

"But dominoes is..."

"If you say it's an old man's game Sarah Perry I shall chase you round this office with a rolled-up newspaper and beat you on the bottom until you can't sit down."

..."It wouldn't do any harm."

Okay, I admit I cheated. That last line was actually a reference to her wanting to join Gary and his friends on their evening out. Anyway, this was enough to encourage me to keep on reading.

Things progress between the two, possibly because of his proposed bottom-beating fun. Eventually they end up spending the night together in his flat. The morning after, Gary says what any gentleman would:

"Do you want some coffee?"

Sarah shook her head. "No. Tea. Please."

Gary bent down and kissed her on the cheek, then slid out of bed and walked down the few steps that led into the living area. He crossed to the kitchen in the far corner.

Sarah watched him go. "Nice bum."

"Thank you."

"For someone your age."

He turned and looked at her.

Sarah rolled over in the sheets until she was lying on her stomach looking directly at him. "Nice other things as well."

Gary picked up a towel from a pile of washing in the kitchen and wrapped it round himself.

"Well, well..." said Sarah.

"What?" asked Gary, filling the kettle at the tap.

"That's not a word I would ever have associated with you."

"What isn't?"

"Embarrassment."

He walked back towards the bed. "How do you know I'm embarrassed?"

"Because you've gone just a tiny bit pink."

Gary...pulled the sheet away from her and gazed at her body. "And you've gone quite a lot pink," he said.

Was there some spanking involved the night before? I suspect there was. At least. I'd like to think so.

Later on in the story, after some more romance, petty crimes, murder, and foreign espionage, Gary prepares to go out, masquerading as a Harley Street surgeon, to expose an international crime ring.

Sarah examined the sky. "it looks a bit grey. I wonder if you should take a mac."

Gary smiled sarcastically. "Don't worry. I'll take my paddle."

So he's going to spank the criminals once he's exposed them? This wasn't a kinky book by any means, but the brief references kept me going in an otherwise rather strange novel.

I will close by sharing the epigraph from the beginning of chapter 18.

A spank can be a comma, a question mark or an exclamation point.
That's basic spelling that every man and woman ought to know.

(A slightly altered quotation by Mistinguette.)

Spanko Brunch 2.0 #3

Welcome, dear friends, to another weekend brunch when we gather together to share our thoughts and experiences.

Spankings can be carried out in a wide variety of positions, depending on the situation and the preference of the spanker and spankee. But is there a limit?

Is there a spanking position that you absolutely would not consider? Why or why not? Have you actually experienced a spanking using that position? Is it something you might consider, given the right set of circumstances?

I invite you to contribute to this discussion by leaving a comment. Once everyone has had a chance to speak, I will publish an edited summary of your thoughts.

If you need some inspiration, my posts on positions are here, here and here.

You Completed the Caption

What dark secrets is this lady revealing? Here's what you said.

Six of the best: I dream of a romantic lover, that will raise my dress waist high, take down my bloomers, and cane me six times across my bare bottom. Is there such a handsome gentleman?

Smuccatelli: I miss my Kindle. This thing is a pain in the ass to read.

Prefectdt: This is a good heavy book. Whacking his butt with this should get his attention.

Ronnie: The story reminds me of a time way back when I was at college and Trevor caught me with my...naughty me, letting my mind wander again.

Rollin: "Shall I read you a bedtime story, dear? Or shall I be the bedtime story?"

Catherine: I wonder if anyone else enjoys reading hot spanking stories?

Ricky: Oh, for the good old days!

Michael: "Hey! What do you mean this can't be my story since I'm no lady"

Sir Wendel: How I long for an old fashioned spanking and one of those delicious finger sandwiches from the Kerby’s party last night.

Hermione: After reading great Aunt Bertha's memoirs, Sally knew she had to keep up the family tradition.


Thank you all for joining in. You are welcome to stay for brunch.

Friday FAIL

From the wonderful world of food, we bring you these less than stellar images.

One of these is not like the others...

Or trunk, if you happen to be an elephant

You had one job

There couldn't possibly have been a letter that was erased from that space, so someone's trying to be clever

Ouch!

It's male humour. Get used to it.


There's still time to Complete the Caption!

Complete the Caption

A little light reading has made this woman thoughtful. Is she recalling her own past? Making plans for the future? It's up to you.

Complete the caption by leaving a comment and I will publish your reminiscences in a future post.

The Assessment

Earlier this month I wrote about Ron's three new implements, and last weekend he had a chance to try them out. He had placed them in a row on the bed, and invited me to choose a fourth weapon from the toybox. In keeping with the colour scheme I selected the red and black ping pong paddle.

Ron started with the paddle, and it was more ouchy than I remembered, as we had not had a chance to play for longer than usual. Still, it felt nice and familiar.

The pink rod was next. It's about the size and shape of an 18" wooden ruler but twice as thick. It was thuddy and the impact was not at all pleasant.

"Ow!" I complained.

"Does that hurt?" Ron asked. I suspect it was meant as a rhetorical question.

"Of course it hurts, you--" I restrained myself just in time.

"Does that feel better?" Ron had put the evil implement down and was gently rubbing my sore bottom with his warm hand.

"Mmm, much better." I thought I knew where this was leading.

Ron quickly switched to the striped cane. It packed the same sort of wallop as the ruler: heavy and thuddy. In between strokes and ouches, I could hear the clink of a belt buckle being undone, and the rustle of jeans sliding to the floor.

His last implement, the loopy Johnny, nearly sent me from the room. Boy, did that ever sting! After only a few swats Ron pressed himself against me while continuing to apply the loop to the upper portion of my backside. It was a delicious combination of pain and pleasure.

"Does that hurt?" Why does he keep on asking dumb questions?

Then Ron moved away and pulled me up from the bed. "Maybe this will feel better." I knew what was expected, so I dropped to my knees and paid some close attention to a certain part of his anatomy. This was much better than the coloured cane. My husband expressed his delight in my attentions, and I was sure our afternoon delight was at an end, but it seems it wasn't.

"We can continue," Ron said, "but maybe you'd rather pick something else." He knew the new toys were a bit over the top.

"Maybe, but first let's try them again."

He picked up the pink ruler and applied it with medium effort, and this time it didn't feel too bad at all. The prior warmup and the brief respite had given my posterior a chance to adjust. It was still thuddy and heavy, but didn't hurt quite as much. The cane was similarly bearable but not pleasant. The loopy Johnny was only a little less awful. I continued to protest and Ron thought that was humorous. I could hear him chuckling.

"What are you laughing at?"

"It's your own fault. You bought these."

"They were on sale. It was a Christmas - ouch! - special."

Afterwards we both agreed that while it had been a nice gesture, the implements were just too heavy. The terrible trio would be reserved for special occasions only, and would not be a regular part of our play.

From the Top Shelf - Mother-in-Law

Last weekend I rediscovered a long-forgotten story by Julie Holmes called A Mother-in-law's Tongue. I like it because it illustrates the perspective of an older woman. Whether you are old, young, or somewhere in between, I hope you enjoy it.

I am ashamed to say I was jealous because my attractive twenty-two year old daughter had a handsome young husband who seemed to be able to...keep a sparkle in her eye that had once been in mine, but which now had been absent for a very long while.

When they first wanted to get married I had reservations. Both in their early twenties and with good jobs, there was no reason why they shouldn't get hitched, but then again there was no need to rush into it either. Still, they had their modest ceremony and took over the top two rooms in my house. They could have afforded a mortgage, but they wanted to save enough to give up work after a year and travel round the world in a camper van. I admired their energy.

We led separate lives apart from passing on the stairs and having Sunday lunch together. But every night I lay in bed, listening to the creaking furniture and my daughter's gasps and shrieks as her husband pleasured her. My daughter's good-looking, virile husband with his clean fingernails, blue eyes and gentle smile.

I cannot remember when I first realised I was attracted to Alan; I suppose I had been able to deny it before he moved in. All I knew was that my golden-haired daughter had found a perfect male counterpart and my feelings for him were miles away from being maternal.

Three weeks ago, it became unbearable. Above me, the sounds had just begun and the radio refused to drown them out. There were creaks from the bed, then some muffled giggles, footsteps crossing the floor above me. Was Alan undressing? I imagined him without his clothes, approaching an expectant Tina. I could see the love and trust on Tina's face, the compassionate lust on his. Ludicrous, degrading to want him in this way, hankering after a married man young enough to be my son and, worse, married to my own daughter. I was just glad Tina had no idea of my lascivious thoughts.

The sounds continued. Deep baritone grunts, high pitched mewlings, mingled groans. The squeak of ancient wooden joists, growing faster, punctuated by sharp intakes of breath finally expelled in the repeated chant, "Alan, Alan, oh no, Alan, ooooo, Alan, oh yeeeessssssss.."

Alan, Alan. No, please. Yes. All the words that went through my head every time I saw him. I had read about older women seducing their daughters' boyfriends or husbands and had been repelled at the thought of them. I imagined overweight, blowsy bleached blondes smelling of face powder and yesterday's deodorant; nothing like me. Yet here I was, harbouring thoughts of seducing my daughter's husband.

No matter how wrong I knew it to be, I had to have Alan for myself, at least once. It was my right, my destiny. I spent my days fantasising over him, my evenings hovering near the door so I could 'accidentally' run into him, and at night - at night I went to bed early so I could eavesdrop on their passion...

Then, two days ago, Tina came home from work in a foul mood, thumped upstairs and, from the sound of it, threw herself on the bed and stayed there until Alan came in. Then all hell broke loose. Apparently Tina suspected Alan of doing something behind her back and he was denying it, but I had no idea what the heinous crime was. Infidelity? Unemployment? Fancying his mother-in-law - oh surely not!

Footsteps stamped downstairs and out the front door. I went to the hallway and, after a few minutes, Alan came down looking sheepish.

"I suppose you heard all that, Alma?"

"Well, I could hardly miss it, " I responded, "but I have no idea what it was about. Where has she gone?"

"I don't know. She said as she couldn't go home to mother she would go to a friend's house but I don't know which friend she was referring to."

He looked genuinely confused, but I sensed that he knew full well what he had done to upset Tina. Even as I invited him in to talk about it, my mind was racing ahead with the thought that Tina was planning to be away at least overnight and that this was my big chance. I sat him down with a large whiskey and prepared to listen.

"You know this trip we've been saving up for?" he began. "Well, I've been offered the chance to study for a year to get a further qualification. It will be vital for getting promotion or even changing my direction within the industry in the future. The trouble is, I have to agree to stay with the company for at least 18 months after the course. It means we can't set off on the great trip for about three years. I was going to take Tina away for the weekend to talk it over, but she ran into someone from my office who let the cat out of the bag. Now Tina thinks I don't want to go abroad and that I've set this up deliberately..." He paused to pour himself another drink. I did the same and took the opportunity to sit beside him on the sofa.

"The trouble is the offer is too good to turn down. The diploma will really open doors for me long-term, but Tina won't see it that way; she thinks I'm putting career ahead of our marriage."

I sighed and patted his hand. "Look," I told him. "Tina's not used to disappointments and she doesn't handle them well. Give her a couple of days and she'll come back prepared to listen. I'm sure she'll see sense. After all, even in three years time, you'll still only be in your twenties, you'll have more money saved and both of you will have good employment records to help you get re-established when you come back."

I edged a little closer, and allowed my hand to brush his knee.

"I know your relationship is strong. It will survive the odd upset. Tina won't walk out on it for the sake of deferring a trip for a couple of years. Just give her time to calm down."

...He rose, but seemed reluctant to leave. "It's probably best to let her cool off, but it will seem strange being on my own upstairs tonight." Was that an invitation? I had to make my move.

"I know you make Tina very happy, " I began. "You're going to think this is awful of me, but sometimes I hear you..." My hand was once more on his thigh, my body turned towards him. He had to either leave quickly or acknowledge what I was certain was a mutual desire. His blue eyes stared curiously at me.

"So you hear us at night, do you? I suppose it's obvious what we're doing?"

"Well, I have been young and married myself, you know," I giggled. "I didn't mean to embarrass you, it's just that sometimes, well, you sound as if you're having so much fun and..."

He interrupted me as I searched for the right words. "And you feel left out? Is that what you're saying, Alma? Is that it? Do you want what Tina gets?" He was earnest and definitely not joking. His intensity was making me nervous.

"Well, Alan, I mean, I don't know, you're my son-in-law," I was stammering, out of my depth now what I had fantasised was really within my grasp. "But Tina...."

"Tina walked out on me tonight. I know she'll be back, but right now she's not here and you are. We both know what we want and what we're doing, don't we?" I nodded. "Fine. Then stand up."

His immediate mastery of the situation surprised me. I almost changed my mind, but I knew if I did there would never be a second chance. I stood, holding in my tummy, thrusting out my bosom, drawing myself up as tall and straight as I could. I wanted him to like what he saw.

"Get undressed!" Well he certainly didn't believe in long seduction scenes! I pulled down the zip of my skirt provocatively, but when I glanced up he was fiddling with the curtains. It was disconcerting to be ignored while I prepared for love-making and I paused to watch the heavy silk braids that tied back the curtains during the day. He turned to face me.

"What, still not ready? That merits an extra three." Extra three? Three what? Surely he couldn't do...how virile was this super stud? "Come on, I'll help you."

Abruptly he wrenched off the rest of my clothing, letting it fall in a heap around us, totally ignoring the sexy lingerie I had taken to wearing for just such a moment as this. I wondered if he was this rough with Tina and, if so, whether she liked it. Did she have much experience of men or was this all she knew? I trembled, but curiosity kept me rooted to the spot. At least now he was running his hands appreciatively over my naked body. This was more in line with what I'd expected, confident caresses that made me shiver and press forward for more but when I reached out to return the compliment, he pushed my hands sharply away.

"Kneel on the sofa," he commanded. And I hastened to obey. I knelt on the soft, sagging cushions, my breasts resting on the curved back, my hands supporting my weight. I thrust out my bottom and parted my thighs so he would know how eager I was to take it from behind. It worried me slightly that it was not a particularly flattering pose for a woman of my age and generous proportions, but I hoped that passion might blur his vision.

"Very nice," he said, squeezing my buttocks as though choosing a piece of fruit.

And then it happened. Not the intimate entry I had expected, but a soft slash across both bottom cheeks, quickly followed by two more. As I turned in surprise to see what was happening, Alan remarked, "Well that's the three for tardiness, now let's get down to serious business."

He was wielding the curtain cord, bringing it down hard and fast across my buttocks. Shock prevented me from moving as the silk rope rained down, nipping rather than biting, but still stinging deeply. I thought it must be a joke but Alan wasn't laughing and I was not sure I found it all that amusing. It certainly bore no resemblance to any kind of foreplay I was used to and I had no idea how I was meant to respond.

Again he kneaded me roughly, massaging the heat deeper into my buttocks, making me squirm with discomfort and embarrassment - and more than a trace of arousal.

"OK," he barked, "stand up and give me a twirl!"

I stood awkwardly, aware of the contrast I must present to Tina's trim form. I have a good figure for my age, but it is the body of a well-preserved matron, not a nubile young woman. My breasts are heavy...and, although they don't sag, they don't exactly point skywards either. My hips are full and look good in tight skirts, but nudity shows the softness and creases brought on by time. I folded my hands over my groin...

"I said, give me a twirl." Alan said coldly. "Put your hands on your head and turn around slowly." I did as he said, consoling myself with the thought that at least this position would flatter my breasts, even if it did reveal my even more intimate area. As I turned, I caught sight of myself in the mirror over the fireplace. I looked like a tacky 'Readers Wives' entry in a men's magazine.

"Fine. Now let's get down to some serious business. Stand at the end of the sofa and bend over the arm." I stared at him. Was there to be more of this degrading treatment? Was he punishing me for trying to seduce him? I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out.

"What's the matter, Alma? You're not satisfied already, are you? Tina takes a lot more punishment than that and you wouldn't want to disappoint me, would you? I've waited a long time for the opportunity to get at that luscious arse. Now get bent over - I'm really in the mood now!"

I draped myself over the low sofa-arm, my mind reeling. So this was what I'd heard going on above me - not the passionate clinches I had visualised, but my daughter being flogged by this young pervert. It was totally beyond my experience and I had no idea how to react.

There was a slithering sound, but I resolved not to look round. This position was uncomfortable and exposed my defects cruelly. I decided to take whatever he chose to dish out - as Alan said, I should be able to take anything my daughter could - then I would tell him I wanted them both out of the house by the end of the week.

Hissing, then a loud retort as something heavy and hot crashed into my bottom. I gasped, my knees sagged and the sofa creaked beneath me. I breathed out with a groan just as another blow landed. I realised he was using his leather trouser belt, fortunately not the end with the buckle. I found it incomprehensible that Tina took this regularly and willingly. I recalled her voice, the hesitant but growing acceptance, the cries of pleasure and fulfillment. What on earth was wrong with her?

The belt lashed down again. He was a strong man and he was not holding back. I crouched low, pulling back on the sofa, resisting the urge to grab at my bottom. I heard myself growling, and Alan breathing heavily.

The toe of his shoe was cold against my burning bottom as he levered me up. "Come on, resume the position - as the saying goes- or I'll add a few more! At the moment you're going to get another six but I'll happily make it a dozen if you don't behave."

"I can't, Alan. Alan I can't stand it. Oh please, I..." but he was already pulling on my arm to get me back into the position he wanted.

"Oh yes you can - and you will, Alma. Now count aloud as each one lands, and if you miss one, you'll get an extra two in its place. Ready?"

"ONE!" It came down hard and fast, across the crease at the top of my thighs. My right foot raised itself up to ease the pain , but before it could have any effect, I heard the belt swishing down again.

"TWO!" My knees snapped straight, and I rocked back and forth, making the ancient sofa creak. I recognised the rhythm from the sounds I had heard coming from Tina's room. I sensed him step back, and tensed for the next blow.

"Alan, oh Alan, please no.." I wailed as the leather tongue licked me diagonally from the top of my right hip across the cleft of my buttocks almost to my left thigh.

"Naughty girl! That's two more you'll have to take to reinforce the lesson," he mocked and proceeded to bring the strap down on almost exactly the same track twice in quick succession. Each time I quickly called out the number three, twisting and writhing around under the impact.

Four and five mirrored the route of that dreadful third stripe and I counted them aloud, slumping forward and whinnying pitifully. Alan waited patiently for me to stand up again the way he wanted and I found myself absurdly anxious to impress him. I straightened my legs and placed my hands palm downwards on the cushions.

"I knew how much you wanted it," Alan taunted. "Ask me nicely for the last stroke or I won't give it to you."

"Please, Alan, Please give me another stroke," I begged, wondering what was happening to me.

"Louder," he mocked, " make it more convincing."

"Alan!" I shrieked, just as I had heard my daughter do. "Alan, please, Alan, another..oh yeees..YES! SIX!" I remembered just in time to call out the number of the final stroke. It curled around my bottom as though trying to melt into my flesh. I was sobbing and laughing, my disheveled hair clinging to my tear stained face.

"Now stand up with your hands on your head and turn around slowly. Look at yourself. See the changes I've brought about."

I moved in a slow circle, watching myself as directed. There was this strange blend of physical achievement and emotional shame mixed with excitement as I observed my blotched face, the fleshy curves and reddened backside with its mauve and purple bands rising up even as I watched. I turned once, and again and again, until dizziness threatened and Alan said I could stop.

"Not bad," he said grudgingly. "Tina used to slouch like you, but her deportment has improved since I began to discipline her. I think you need the same, Alma, but first Tina and I ought to move out. As soon as possible I think, don't you? Then we can make a regular arrangement..and we'll find out how much you can take."

Well what could I say? I twisted round to admire my stinging rump once more.

"Oh yes, Alan - oh yeeeeeeeeesssss...!"

Yes, indeed!

Spanko Brunch 2.0 #2

Welcome to another Sunday brunch. Today's topic was submitted by an anonymous reader.

When you engage in spanking, is the spankee naked? If so, is this a requirement or an option? If not, what else is the spankee usually wearing?

Everyone is encouraged to join in the discussion, and you may remain anonymous if you wish. Leave your thoughts as a comment, and I will publish an edited summary after everyone has had a chance to speak their mind.