Monday, September 15, 2014

Recap: Spanko Brunch for September 14

Do punishment spankings really work? Here are your opinions:

Jan: Hi Hermione, well, I don't swear any more and I will never be impolite to him in front of company again so.... :)

Sub hub: Yes, they are definitely effective in changing undesirable behavior. I think a very important thing to consider is what the effective definition of a punishment spanking truly is. If the one receiving the spanking has effectively been able to manipulate the spanker into giving a spanking that amounts to nothing more than a fantasy act of kink, then there is a disconnect between the Dominant and the sub.

I don't want to get off on a rant here but... (channeling my inner Dennis Miller) Mistress K. and I recently had a similar discussion. One which I knew that I would regret having once I was punished again, but I felt an obligation to be truthful and tell her that the punishments that I was getting were nothing more than a minor irritant at the moment I was receiving them. As such, the spankings I was getting were not an effective deterrent to undesirable behavior.

The punishment aspect of a D/s relationship (FLR in my case) needs to be an actual deterrent in my opinion. It has been said by many in the lifestyle that a true punishment spanking doesn't even begin until the one receiving the spanking genuinely wishes it was over. I have come to believe in this as well, as much as it will (and does now) hurt my ass. I believe bruises are not only inevitable but almost necessary. True pleading to stop is also necessary, even if it produces tears. It is something that I crave, right up to the point when I am actually receiving a true punishment spanking, then I don't want it at all. Now, when I am punished, it hurts and hurts bad. I can tell you that now, the prospect of receiving a true punishment spanking, deters me from undesirable behavior.

There are so many aspects of this lifestyle that touch on the concept of symbolism I believe to be necessary as part of an acknowledged, loving D/s relationship... My Mistress will have me wear panties, but why? Does she want to turn me into a sissy? No, she doesn't but she does love the symbolic nature of my willingness to do so. We all have standing rules and rituals. Some have ritual for punishments, for worship, for humiliation, for devotion. All symbolic gestures intended to demonstrate each parties position in their relationship.

At the end of the day, it's either a real punishment spanking or it is a play spanking disguised as a punishment spanking. If it's real, at least for this submissive, it is very effective.

Dan: I am sorry to say that if you define "effective" in terms of long-term behavior modification, our DD relationship is effective only modestly. But, we've also never really achieved consistency. Also, over time I have come to believe that there are a least two measures of effectiveness. The first is modifying the recipient's behavior. But, often overlooked is the benefit to the person administering the discipline. DD can give them a very concrete way of expressing their dissatisfaction with their spouse's behavior, and that outlet can be significantly freeing and empowering. In that second respect, I think our DD relationship really is effective.

Autumn: They work for us...I think! I definitely watch my words more closely now, rather than rattling off my displaced anger and emotions in disrespectful torrents. I still have my moments though, so have they completely eradicated all disrespect? No. Have they helped? Yes!

Pecan Nutjob: I don't know if it is an effect of the spankings and scolding, but we both changed over time and largely dropped some bad habits. It may be also that with age and experience, we mellow.

Dancingbarez: On our end it works for most behavior and Daddy definitely notices a change.The bigger issues like snapping back when annoyed are more difficult. The episodes may be farther and fewer in between but it does still happen.

Abby: They work for me.When Master punishes me, it is a whole different set of events. No bear hugs, quiet chat, no warm-up, no permissions... and a spanking that I do not ever want repeated. He is super great at all the fun, good, happy stuff, but He makes a definite point with a punishment.

Anon: My husband is reasonably well-behaved (most of the time) but he still needs to be spanked at least once a week to keep him on the straight and narrow (and more often if he fails to perform the chores I have assigned, or if he doesn't perform them to my satisfaction).

River: This may sound strange, but must of my punishment spankings are not as long as my regular spankings, nor do they tend to leave me sore for long. The reason for this is that when I have screwed up and deserve to be punished, I feel terrible and am usually crying at the lecture even before he begins paddling because I know I've disappointed him. The spanking is really more of a punctuation mark on the whole event. The real deterrent for me is my love for my husband, and not wanting to cause him to feel unhappy with me.

Arched one: I'm a take control person and often times would lose my temper. That is the reason I get punishment spankings. Has it helped? Heck yes. It was two days after my first punishment spanking that I received the second. The third was a month after the second. Now I might get one once a year so in our case it did help. I also agree with some comments here punishment does not start until you wish it was over.

Dr. Ken: I believe they can be effective, yes, or at least have short term effectiveness. I don't give many of those, though, preferring to spank mostly for fun.

Six of the best: Hermione, I have always believed in punishment spankings. They can be given as maintenance spankings once a week. The severity of these spankings of course depend on the serious of the offence committed by the wife. The hand, paddle, hairbrush given light spankings. The cane or birch rod if the offence is serious. All spankings should be given on the bare bottom.

S: When I present my bottom to D, I get thrilling pleasure from the long hard spanking he will give it.
As a punishment it would in no way make me mend my ways, but probably make me re-offend to get another helping.

Nina: Hi Hermione, I think that punishment spankings do work well. I have lost bad habits, and the moments of back talking ‘just because’ have also become far less. The number of punishments has become less over the years, too, as I simply do less of the unwanted behavior.

Pearl: We don't really do punishment spankings, although, I have felt they would be helpful. It took me a long time to build up the courage to ask and to suggest that this might be a direction that would help us. My Man does not fully agree as he knows I enjoy them in play and for "release" too much. I have not agree'd until recently. I was in a horrible mood and let it be known that I would NOT be doing my dishes that night. He looked at me with absolute disappointment. Now, in my head I was already thinking that I didn't care how bad the spanking would be if he finally decided to spank as punishment. He could beat my ass for an hour and I would rather that then the dishes. As he stares at me with disappointment, and this thought runs through my head it hits me. Damn it. My Man does know what I need. His clear disappointment in me changed my behavior. I did the dishes. I did, however, act like an asshole throughout the entire night so I do still think that capping off the evening with a strong spanking may have just adjusted my attitude as well =) How's that for an answer/non-answer! Great question as always Hermione!

Mona Lisa: I do not believe in punishment spankings. Firstly, there is plenty of research showing that there are other and better ways to change negative behavior. This is actually in 2014.

I want to stop doing what is wrong for me, or my family because of the love of my family, not out of fear of punishment. As an adult, one can rationalize the problem, find the solution, apply it and keep it .. it is called adult responsible thinking.

And spanking, we can always have for fun. LOL

Anon2: In my home, my submissive husband understands completely that a punishment spanking is not intended to be fun for anyone involved. If one is to be administered it means bad behavior has occurred on his part. We have our ritual for this and it is not pleasant. At the very beginning he is required to masturbate to orgasm so that his punishment will be received in that lovely post orgasm lull that men have... He is secured (usually standing) and his bare bottom is wetted. He is then spanked to literal tears that include bruising and even sometimes welt that produce a tiny bit of blood.

When he asked me to be his dominant wife, it was on one condition ... that being that his punishments would be severe enough for him to truly regret his behavior.

So, yes, yes indeed. Punishment spankings are effective.

Ricky: It depends on what stage you're referring to.

None of us, I'm sure, are into severe abuse, and I know that's not what you're suggesting. But to playfully tease, and be teased back, is a wonderful thing, especially when it involves a consensual, intimate, relationship.

Ronnie: Can punishment spankings be effective - yes though I still have my moments so maybe they work only in the short term for me:)

Hermione: We don't use spanking as punishment because my husband knows I enjoy it so much. Being deprived of spanking would be a more effective correction for me.  I know that it works for some people, though, so if it does, and both parties agree, then go for it. We don't actually have any sort of punishment in our relationship. If there is something that I am doing or not doing that Ron disapproves of, he'll tell me, and I will adjust my behaviour accordingly, because I want to please him.

From Hermione's Heart


Wilma Rubble said...

Sorry I missed this. Stupid renovations! I am very much like River. Do punishment spanking work? Well in my mind that means are they a deterrent~ correct? I don't NOT do something because I am afraid to be spanked. I don't do something because that means he will spank me which means it is important enough to him, and I don't want to disappoint him Does that make any sense?

Basically I don't 'fear' the pain. It is the emotions surrounding the punishment spankings that are the deterrent. I generally have no issue with 'obeying' except if I am in a 'bad place'~ which usually r/a and his dominance keeps me away from. But if they don't, no amount of thinking 'I better not do this or I will be spanked' will stop the process. Generally it is an emotional response that has me forgetting all the reasons NOT to 'snap at him' or break a 'rule'.

So do they work? They work to maintain our dynamic. They work as River says as an exclamation point~ but to modify my behaviour if you but that wasn't the point for us to begin with.

Katie said...

I am late for the party, Hermione. Sorry about that! :)

You know, we mostly have fun around here, but on occasion Rob does pass the punishment spanking out. Like River mentioned, our punishment spankings tend to be no long thing. They are tied up with emotions, and I do tend to cry. I feel bad usually. Rob is a softie in many ways, but the fact that he bothers to let me know in this way, usually makes it pretty clear to me that he completely dislikes the behavior. For example, I think twice about any ideas of reckless shopping, or poking him, or taking over a situation, etc., these days! I know these things mean enough to him that he has bothered to go there and spank.

On the other hand, Rob has said the same as your Ron. He thinks that I like the spanking so it might not be such a deterrent. But I have explained to him that they are completely different due to all the emotional angst that I have during those times. Ten swats with the spatula after upsetting Rob can leave me sobbing, and feeling terrible. Thirty swats for stress relief or other, for example, don't have those emotions involved, even if I get teary from the spanks.

So, to answer your question- do they really work? For us, they completely get my attention. Do I repeat the offense? On occasion- I am not perfect, but in general, I try hard not to. Many hugs,

<3 Katie