About Kilts

Gentlemen's kilts, that is.

Have a wee dram with me today,
To celebrate St. Andrew's Day!

Naughty Blogger

I realized that my blog had some technical difficulties when I tried to respond to comments on yesterday's post.

"Page Not Found" was the response I got from Blogger. Nobody could leave comments on any of my posts, including me. A quick search on Blogger Help told me that other folks are also having comment problems.

I solved my dilemma by changing the way comments are displayed, from a popup window to a full page. That cured the problem, and you may now feel free to leave comments if you are so inclined.

(For any of you who are also experiencing problems, the change I made was made by going to Dashboard, Settings, Comments tab, then choosing Full Page for Comments Form Placement.)

The View from Here - OTK

The traditional position for spanking is over the knee. Although we have been engaged in "the sound of one hand clapping" for many, many years, we just never did it in that position. Why? I suppose because spanking wasn't a thing we did in isolation; it was always an extension of foreplay. I got kissed, caressed, fondled and spanked, in no particular order. So we never made special preparations or bothered much about technicalities.

Not that I didn't crave it. The thought of being across a lap or over a knee pressed all the right buttons for me. But I never spoke up. Oh, the odd time when we were fooling around on the couch I might have maneuvered myself into that position, but I don't recall staying there for long. Ron simply wasn't interested in doing it that way, and I suppose he had his reasons. It might have seemed like discipline or age play to him, and he doesn't care for either one.

Then came the revelations that blogging and the internet provided, and I was reborn. All of a sudden I was inspired to try new positions, new implements, new everything, with my patient but unsuspecting husband. I discovered that there was an over the lap variation that sounded like just the ticket.

And so, at my instigation, we did it, and I told you all about it. I was spanked while across my husband's lap. I loved the idea of it; there I was in the position of all my fantasies. I thought I really had arrived. Now we were finally doing it right!

But deep down, I was a tiny bit disappointed. It simply wasn't very comfortable. Okay, I know the spankee isn't supposed to be comfortable. A spanking hurts, right? But I mean in the sense of lying on top of hard, bumpy legs instead of a nice, soft pillow. Ron's legs are slender and not overly padded, and while my tummy has plenty of padding, it wasn't enough. I felt an uncomfortable pressure that made me squirm, and not because of the swats.

For that reason, I hesitated to try it again. Ron never suggested it, which led me to think that perhaps he hadn't enjoyed it either, although at the time, well, it sure looked like he was having fun. But after a decent interval, my craving for that position got the better of me and we experienced OTK, take two.

Again I thought that it wasn't the pleasantest position. Although the thrill of it made me ignore the discomfort, it was still there. Ron always leaves the choice of position up to me, and I let several months pass before I decided to give it one more try.

But they say the third time is a charm, and so it was for us. I don't know why. I had taken steps to reduce some of the excess baggage around my midsection, and possibly that made our bodies fit together more snugly. Maybe I was more relaxed and less worried that Ron didn't want to spank me in that position. All I know is, once I settled in, it felt fine. Until the paddle descended on my bottom, that is. But that was an entirely different sort of discomfort that I was quite happy to endure. As far as being over his lap was concerned, I never wanted to leave it.

Perhaps it's a simple case of practice makes perfect, or of getting used to something different. It doesn't matter. Our version of OTK is something I look forward to now, and I know Ron will gladly give me all the ouchy attention I need.

Friday FAIL

One of my favourite non-spanking blogs is the FAIL Blog. It's a website that features pictures, signs, conversations and messages that somehow aren't quite right. They fail in some significant but humorous way.

I am going to start a Friday FAIL series of vanilla items that simply wouldn't work as pervertables in a spanking situation, for one reason or another. I know "fail" sounds negative, but I assure you, there will be nothing solemn or serious about it.

Here's the first Friday FAIL.



This gadget was featured in a mail order catalogue that arrived at our home in time for holiday shopping. The description is as follows:

Electronic Bug Zapper
Before you get stung, bite back! Electronic swatter serves up a punch powerful enough to zap flying pests; yet gentle enough to use around children and pets. Kills several flies or mosquitoes at the same time. Cleans up with ease.

Well, I'm glad it's easy to clean, and safe around children and pets. it looks like a spanking implement, but I'm not sure I want my bottom zapped with electricity. Whapped is fine; zapped is not.

By the way, are those tiny airplanes in the background?

Rent, don't Buy

The British government's waste watchdog, the Waste and Resources Action Programme, has advised that instead of buying an outfit for that special occasion, it would be a better idea to rent one. A large part of the retail sector could be transformed into a service industry that specializes in renting clothing. Those items of apparel would be worn by many individuals over the course of a number of years, thus prolonging the useful life of a garment.

Wouldn't it be interesting to go to one of these shops for, say, a schoolgirl outfit, a pirate costume, a naughty french maid uniform, or whatever you fancy for this weekend's roleplay fun?

Guess the Implement - the Reveal

The mysterious Gumby-like implement for the month of November inspired many creative guesses:

• a tickler
• a brush for basting - specifically ribs on a BBQ - glazing, egg wash, or marinating
  
• part of a tree or a fake tree decoration
  
• a ceiling fan brush
• Venetian blind cleaner
• a nipple duster for Barbie collectors
• scratchy wire brush
• an implement to spank both cheeks at once
  
• an upside down toy - the green becomes leaves of a palm tree, and the handle is the trunk
  

It is actually a silicone basting brush. Great for grilling!

Thank you to everyone who participated.

Guess the Implement

Here's an interesting item that might or might not be a welcome addition to our inventory of spanking implements.

Can you guess what its vanilla purpose is? Leave your guess as a comment, and I will publish the results in a day or two.

Sweet Mixed Bums

One of the first gifts Ron ever gave me was this jar of sweet mixed bums. It is a real pint preserving jar filled with bums. Here is how it looks from all four sides.




























The card attached to the jar contains this sweet little verse:

A jar of bums - all shapes and sizes
Can be quite useful - if need arises


Place in kitchen or bathroom on a shelf
And let every visitor look for him or her self


The neighbour, the teacher, a friend, a brother
Chances are one even looks like your mother!


The "leg man", the "bust man" - try something new
For the "bum man" this jar has been made just for you


It's really quite something - full of surprises
Add scent to the top and it deodorizes!


Whatever your use - it just can't be beat
These bums are for looking - please do not eat!

Not your granny's preserves!

Permission Granted

Ron and I were discussing the fast-approaching holiday season, and as usual he asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I grinned suggestively, and it took him no time at all to realize what was on my mind. I forget his exact words, but he replied something about knowing that I would probably buy him something that he could use on me.

So there you have it - permission to shop for spanking goodies. I must explain that whenever I mention to Ron that I'd like to buy something, do something or go somewhere, his usual words are "permission granted", even though I didn't exactly ask his permission. He didn't use those actual words this time, but I figure he expects me to do some kinky shopping.

Let's see, maybe I'll try Leatherthorne Paddles


There's a certain rose paddle I've always wanted.


Then again, I could check out Spankinc


This paddle looks pretty effective too.


I'll be sure to visit Cane-iac


This might be the time to think about getting a cane

Or a flogger.


I always enjoy browsing at Horse Tack Co


We could use a new riding crop.


But since we're Canadians, I'll stop by London Tanners


for a peek at their Canadian prison strap.



I'll let you know what I decide Ron would like for Christmas.

A Gastronomic Delight

One day last week, Ron promised me a spanking when I got home from work. In order to make sure that we could relax and take our time without worrying about dinner preparations, I stopped at the butcher's on my way home and bought a meat pie. We hadn't had that particular kind of pie before, but it looked good. All I would have to do was pop it in the oven and dinner would take care of itself.

When I arrived home, I showed Ron what was for dinner, and he showed me the way to the bedroom. He was his usual efficient self, and my bottom was very thoroughly dealt with. We were both very satisfied with the results.

Dinner was another matter. Far from being delicious, or even so-so, it was a big disappointment. If pork fat rules, then this pie was the king. The pastry had a greasy feel and taste, and speaking of taste, the filling contained a spice that you wouldn't ordinarily find in a savoury pie. To put it bluntly, Ron hated it. He assured me that it wasn't my fault; how could I have known it would be so awful? I thought I was off the hook.

I thought wrong! After eating all we could, we consigned the rest to the kitchen recycling bin and proceeded to clear the table and load the dishwasher. Ron was still muttering about the awful meal.

"A gastronomic delight," he grumbled sarcastically. Then he came up behind me as I was collecting the cutlery, and smacked me VERY hard on the left buttock, which was still very tender from his recent attention upstairs.

"Ow! That hurts!" For some reason, Ron had earlier given the left cheek far more swats than the right one. I don't know why; it wasn't his usual style. I rubbed my sore bottom and wondered, was that a punishment? We don't do discipline.

I glanced at Ron. He didn't seem motivated to extend his expression of dissatisfaction beyond that single swat, but his annoyance had vanished. Instead, he looked quite pleased with himself.

Finish this Fantasy IV

I can think of several ways to finish this fantasy. Can you? Mine all include a spanking one way or another. Write your own ending, either in the comments here or on your own blog.

We're at a party, but it's not much fun. then you flash a grin and grab my hand. "Come on", you whisper. Intrigued, I follow you through the crowd to a bedroom. Once the coast is clear, you pull me inside. With one hand, you lock the door, and with the other hand...

Finish this fantasy!

The things you see on television

This product was featured in a television commercial not so long ago. Bumpits? Bum pits? What on earth is a bum pit? Why would I buy one? I have a perfectly good bum of my own. They come as a set of three; perhaps one is a spare, so that you never leave the house without a pair of bums.

But let's look at the rest of the package.



Now it becomes clear. Bumpits are bumps that you bury under your hair to make it look, well, bumpy (but fabulous). The package contains three blond bums bumps, in three different sizes.

Wouldn't that be a fashion statement - wearing a blond bum on your head. But you'd have to buy two packages if you wanted two cheeks of equal size.

Luckily, if you phone in your order within the next 15 minutes, they'll include a second set ABSOLUTELY FREE!

The Unbelievable Truth

Thank you to everyone who guessed which of the five statements in my Unbelievable Meme was true.

The votes were:

1. Initiation paddling - 18%
2. Hallowe'en spanking - 27%
3. Birthday strapping - 10%
4. Improvised discipline - 18%
5. Bum painting - 27%

I wish it could have been one of the made-up ones. They all sound like fun!

The truthful statement was . . .

.

.

.

.

Number 3.

An Unbelievable Meme

Prefectdt posted an interesting meme the other day, and I thought I'd have some fun doing it too.

In this meme you will read five "facts" about me. Four of them are not facts at all but totally fictitious products of my overactive imagination. What you have to do is identify the genuine fact in the list.

1. During first-year initiation at university, we had to complete an obstacle course, and those who took more than the allotted time to finish were paddled by the second-year students. I'm a very slow runner, so I got a paddling.

2. Ron and I attended a fundraiser Hallowe'en party many years ago. We wore full masks and nobody in the large crowd recognized us, so he took the opportunity to give me a spanking at the stroke of midnight.

3. I was once given a bare bottom, OTK spanking with a leather strap, at a birthday party, while about twenty guests watched.

4. In a drama class improvisation, I played the part of a strict teacher, and disciplined two of my male "pupils" with a wooden ruler. They didn't seem to mind.

5. I entered a painting in our city's fall fair, and won second prize. The picture depicted several naked bottoms before, during and after a spanking, but because it was an abstract, nobody knew that but me (I hope).


Which statement is true? I'll reveal the answer in my next post.

Our Heroes

Today we salute the men and women who have given their lives for their countries, at home and abroad, in times of war and peace. This is the poppy that each Canadian proudly wears to honour those brave heroes.

Our Canadian forces are still stationed in Afghanistan, and sadly, the death count continues to rise. Whenever Canadians give their lives, their bodies are flown home within a few days. The time of arrival at the air base is always announced well in advance so that anyone wishing to pay their respects may do so. After the plane lands, there is an official repatriation ceremony, complete with mournful bagpipes. Then there is the solemn journey to the coroner's office, where an autopsy will be performed. That journey takes three hours, and always follows the same route, known as the Highway of Heroes.

People line the highway or stand on the overpasses as the procession passes. Transport truck drivers pull over and stand silently beside their rigs. In every town, police officers and firefighters take their places on the nearest overpass, along with their squad cars and fire trucks.

I heard a moving account on the radio last year. A man, whose son paid the ultimate price, was the only member of the family able to make the long journey to the airbase. He stood alone on the tarmac, but he was not really alone. The entire base had turned out to greet the fallen heroes. Members of the media were also present, filming the event from a discrete distance.

Once his son's coffin had been placed in the hearse, he got into the back seat of the limousine that would follow it, and the long ride began. This father said that he felt enveloped by the love and respect of all the people who lined the entire route, and was very much comforted. It was a positive experience for him to know how many appreciated his son's sacrifice. When they finally neared the end of the journey, the crowds were overwhelming, and he knew that each person they passed was saying a silent "thank you" to the young soldier who lay inside.

Off to Obedience School

Last night I was fixing the dogs' dinner. As soon as he heard the "ping" of the metal food bowl as I placed it on the counter, Fluffy came running. While I mixed and measured, he danced impatiently behind me. Finally, in exasperation, he stood on his hind legs and scrabbled at my bottom with his front paws.

"He's spanking you," Ron observed from across the room. "So that's why you always want to be the one to feed them. You like it!"

"Yes, I do," I agreed. "So you'll just have to wait your turn. Here comes Fang, and he's next."

All the men in my house are obsessed with my bum.

Go Green

Going green seems to be the right thing to do in today's world, and Ron and I were discussing ways that spanking might be used to lessen our carbon handprint. We used an ecologically-minded website as our starting point, then let our imaginations take over.

Turn down the heating slightly - A good spanking will keep both the giver and the receiver toasty warm.

Turn it off when not in use - That would include personal vibrating devices.

Save a tree - Instead of using paper and pen to write lines, do them in an email. But no copy/paste allowed!

See if your employer will allow you to work from home one day a week to conserve gasoline - Instead of coffee or smoke breaks, you can enjoy spanking breaks.

Reduce those carbon dioxide emissions:

Spankees - Reduce squealing, screaming and other forms of verbal protest. Try raising one finger for "ow", two fingers for "OW" and so forth.
Spankers - Limiting lectures and scolding to two minutes or less. Deliver them in a stern but barely-audible whisper.

Limit energy consumption - Using a two- or three-tailed tawse allows you to deliver a complete spanking in one half to one third the time. A saving of both time and energy.


As well as your primary carbon footprint, there is also a secondary footprint that you cause through your buying habits.

Buy locally grown produce, or even try growing your own - that birch tree in your yard is a good alternative to imported rattan.

Don't buy over packaged products - Say no to the plain brown wrapper when ordering implements over the Internet.

Reduce your consumption of animal products - that included leather restraints and paddles. Try a vinyl or plastic lookalike.

Recycle as much as possible - visit second-hand stores and yard sales for great bargains on used spanking equipment.

Try to only buy products made close to home - you might be surprised at what your neighbours can build in their home workshops.


I'm sure you can think of many other ways to be a green spanko.

And how about this for conserving energy? Or is she wasting it? You be the judge.

Sixties Spankos

We recently unearthed our vinyl collection (records, not underwear) from the attic, and Ron and I have been reliving the musical pleasures of days gone by. We each had an assortment from two somewhat different musical periods, but we were delighted to discover that we had a few duplicate albums. In some cases, we've been wondering how on earth we ever could have enjoyed listening to that noise music.

One of the groups I was passionately fond of at age 15 was Herman's Hermits. Forty years later, their music just doesn't have the same appeal, with one notable exception.

I always thought that this song had some spanking references in it.

I've been hurt by love too many times
Not to know the signs of breaking up when they appear.


Don't try to hurt me
Don't try to harm me
Don't try to hurt me, or you'll pay.


'Cos you know I get mad, yeah, go bad
And when I get mad
You know I do things
I really shouldn't do.


I've told you once before, and I'll tell you once again
Don't try to hurt me, or you'll pay


I've told you the first time to be good,
That was almost the second time, but there won't be a third.


Don't try to hurt me
Don't try to harm me
Don't try to hurt me, or you'll pay.

What do you think?

Happy Thoughts

Yesterday I received a flyer in the mail from The Bradford Exchange; it was full of gift ideas for Christmas. I have more than enough dustcatchers knick-knacks around the house, and so do the people I buy gifts for, so I wasn't too interested, but this item caught my eye.



If you have visited Think Pink recently, you will have seen a little cartoon clip of Tinker Bell getting a spanking. This figurine shows Tink eagerly looking forward to another one, don"t you think?

Maybe I have room for just one more pretty ornament in my livingroom.