Friday FAIL

Can you spot the error in the picture above? Today we'll have fun with my second favourite subject (spanking is my first love) - bad writing. It seems I am not alone. Here are a few examples of problems with spelling, and how they were handled by other grammar fanatics. Click on the photos to enlarge them, if necessary.

Drive-by Grammar Nazis strike again!

Is it worth it, to get a few hundred extra pageviews a day?

Was this double negative intentional, or just stupid? Either way, it's there to stay.

Unfriend him!

I long for the days when newspapers had real live proofreaders.

You is so right!

Where are they now?

Secret Spanko wrote an interesting post called Class Reunion, about the blogs that appeared with his when Bonnie introduced them in October, 2011 . Sadly, many of those blogs are no longer active.

I decided to do the same. This is the list of blogs that appeared on the April Showers Edition of In with the New in April, 2008.  Where are they now?


Hearts and Paddles   This blog was never updated after it was introduced.

Her Secret Corner  has been inactive for over two years.

Hermione's Heart  Hey, that's me! I'm still here.

Loving Discipline  G and his blog are still around, but posting is infrequent.

Luvbunny's Journey  was deleted in March, 2011.

Positively Spanking  Cheryl's blog is still going strong.

Spanked Partner  is long gone.

The Discipline Blog of Mark  was made private in September, 2010 and later deleted.

This Girl's Life  Sierra hasn't updated her blog for over two years.


That was fun! Does anyone else want to give it a try?

Wednesday WIN

An assortment of bottoms to brighten your day.

An amazing mailbox

 A "bear bottom" at the beach

 Bottom feeders lookers

 Arf! Arf!

Naughty little bus!

Cornwall Kink

We have been watching early episodes of Doc Martin, a quirky and very funny British television show about a successful surgeon who develops an aversion to blood. He gives up his lucrative practice in London and moves to the tiny Cornwall seaside town of Portwenn. The town is full of eccentric characters, but little did we know we would stumble across some kinky interaction.

In Season 2, episode 1, Doctor Ellingham (he's called Doc Martin by everyone in the village, much to his disgust) treats a fisherman who has a broken rib and massive bruising. He sends him to the hospital for X-rays and later discovers that the patient has had 17 accidents in two years. He tries to convince the man to go for further tests to see why he is so accident-prone, but he and his wife refuse.

Later, Doc Martin is summoned to their house for an emergency. He arrives and is taken upstairs to find the fisherman nearly naked, with leather straps around his body, attached to bondage apparatus. His wife explains that she tried to hoist him up but the machinery malfunctioned and he has hurt his shoulder. Along the wall to the right hang various straps and paddles. You can just see one in the photo below.

Doc Martin immediately asks, "Is this consensual?"

"Of course it is. He loves it." replies the woman.

"And all those injuries, they happened from this?

"Yes. He gets carried away sometimes and he forgets his safeword."

Doc Martin gives him an injection to ease the pain, but not before asking, "Do you enjoy needles?" The answer is no. The embarrassed wife explains that once their sons left home they found they needed a spark, and discovered it through BDSM.

I can't wait to see what is in store for us in the next episode.

From the Top Shelf - Punishment Birch

"How to Make a Punishment Birch" was originally published in The Governess magazine published by the Alice Kerr Sutherland Society. It contains some very useful instructions for those would like to experiment with birching but don't know how to construct a birch.

A properly made birch rod is an instrument of surpassing beauty - and tragedy, since if correctly manufactured, with due regard for the age, sex and physique of the recipient and the gravity of the offence, it will last, if administered with finesse, precisely as long as the apportioned chastisement...and not one stroke longer.

Construction of the rod therefore must be undertaken with all those variable factors very much in mind, though a birch which outlasts the punishment for which it has been specifically created is less grievous a sin against aesthetics than one which flies apart at an earlier stage.

Begin by cutting and selecting the required number of suitable twigs. Choose green (young) twigs if you wish to show mercy, otherwise select switches from the older trees. In all cases trim off all greenery and the lower side shoots from each switch, preserving the general club like profile.

Place the prepared switches on a table and take some moments to study them. Note the spread and direction of even the smallest side twig, and remember that the greater number of these finer twigs that remain within the 'envelope' of the finished rod, the more slowly will the birch move through the air and the lighter and more diffused will be the resulting stroke. This prime characteristic can, to some extent, be cancelled out by the length of the finished rod and the power behind the stroke.

Having grouped the trimmed switches into the perfect punitive profile, secure loosely with string while you prepare the handle. All birch rods should be properly dressed with ribbon- preferably silk- before presentation and eventual use. With the ribbon, begin winding from the base upwards, relaxing the tension as you ascend. This preserves the conical shape. Bisect the free end of the ribbon and knot, then fashion into as elegant a bow as you can contrive.

I think I'll go for a walk and admire the birch trees in the neighbourhood. Maybe I'll bring my secaturs, just in case.

You Completed the Caption

This was the caption from Cheezburger that made me laugh. Now here are yours:


Simon: Suggesting a quickie outdoors was certainly going to earn him a spanking indoors.

Sunnygirl: He'll be cutting a switch very soon.

Young Lady: Naughty Lady: Just one swat *please* Sir?!

Mother: Son, you have GOT to take that wife of yours in hand! She is completely out of control!

What we CAN see -
Lady: And you're rude, and dirty, and you never clean up after yourself, and you always step in my begonias, and...
What we CAN'T see is how he responds to her tirade 5 minutes later.

(what can I say, my mind only works in 1 direction, with the guy on top ;-))

1manview: What you mean you forgot my ass? Get in the house and get my belt,
And when I get in there, you better give it to me....

Prefectdt: Her - You've broken rule number one again. What is rule number one?
Him - Rule number one is not to pull my pants up higher than my belly button.

Kingspan: And did you think it was funny, Mister, to replace the devotion I wrote for the Womens' Bible Society with an excerpt from Fifty Shades of Grey?!?

Dr. Ken: "Okay, if you can guess how many fingers I'm holding up, you can give me a spanking. I'll give you a hint--it's a number between 0 and 2..."

Six of the best: She says, "How dare you suggest that I am not to old to be spanked on my bare bottom."
He says, "My dear, just because you are 50 years old and very naughty. You're still going over my knees with your bloomers down, and be given a good walloping on that naked rear end of yours. Do you understand?"

Bobbie Jo: She: I told you what would happen if I found you sniffing a cork again!
He: But it was just one swig, honey.
She: You know what the doctor said! No booze. Now get in the house and get ready for the family strap!

SpankCake: "American Got-hit"
The photograph that inspired the painting.
Artist: Grant "me the touch of" Wood

A. Lurker: I'll give you something to cry about!

Fifty Shades of Grey - 50 Years Later!

Vfrat25000: Bill and Hillary Clinton enjoy their twilight years at the Shady Tree Retirement Home.

George Andrew Williams, that wasn't a real nurse was she? I'm guessing that was one of those go go girls from that den of sin down the street!
Ohhhh Yeahhhhh!

Jim Carter HOW DARE YOU SWAT ME ON THE BOTTOM!

Are the neighbors still watching?
No!
Good.. Lets go inside the house, you need to finish what you started.

You want me to do what with one finger?

Claude Perkins, I am only going to warn you once. You better behave yourself in Las Vegas at that bachelor party or there will be big trouble.
Yes Dear Absolutely Dear No Problem Dear. Hee hee If you only knew you old battle ax.

Ronnie: Jed knew he was in trouble when Martha started pointing her finger. Four foot six in her stocking feet, Jed knew he was no match for Martha.

Minelle Labraun:  "You will spank me!"


Thanks for taking time out of your weekend to have a little fun here in blogland. Please come back tomorrow when I'll have something special for all you DIY enthusiasts.

Complete the Caption

 

An old candid photo from the family album, taken when the two people in it were obviously not at their best. Who are they, what has he done to deserve a scolding, and what will happen next?

Complete the caption by leaving a comment and I will publish your submissions in the next post.

Friday FAIL

Some advertisements from long ago, and a recent news item that will make you...er, let's just say don't read it right after a big meal.

Have a great weekend, everybody!

What Spot is That?

Ron often gives me a playful swat or two while we are busy doing household tasks together. The other night while I was setting the table for dinner I got a hard slap on one bottomcheek, then an equally hard one on the other. I stopped what I was doing, carefully put the cutlery down, and leaned slightly over the table. The swats continued, alternating left and right, culminating in a flurry of spanks right in the centre of my sweet spot.

"Well, that certainly hit the spot!" I exclaimed when I was sure he was done.

Ron chuckled. "I hit the B spot." B for bum or bottom, I suppose. The G spot would have to wait until later since dinner was nearly ready.

Happy Thanksgiving to all my American friends. The holiday season has begun!

Wednesday WIN

In this video, Comedian Brock Baker reads 50 Shades of Grey in 50 different voices, from Christopher Walken and Robert de Niro to Yoda and Mickey Mouse. Keep your eye on the upper right corner to see whose voice he's imitating. It's lengthy but well worth watching.

The Liebster Award

Minelle very kindly nominated me for a Liebster Award. Wow! What can I say?


I like the questions she asked, so here they are, along with my answers.

Who was your first kiss? My dog.

What is your favorite family tradition? Going for Christmas light walks in our neighbourhood the week before Christmas.

What is your favorite ethnic food? Cabbage rolls because they remind me of my childhood.

Do you exaggerate when telling a story? No.

What is the worst practical joke you ever played on someone? I can't remember any, although I must have done so at least once. Maybe I'm blocking it for good reason:)

What is your favorite cologne? I like the scent of Pierre Cardin on a man.

What is the most daring thing you ever did? Not follow all the rules attached to winning this award.

What is the funniest movie you ever saw? Borat.

Favorite junk food, salty or sweet? Salty. My dentist told me to avoid sweets, and salty snacks were safer for my teeth.

Favorite trash read? Sophie Kinsella's Shopaholic series.

Do you exercise? I walk regularly.

From the Top Shelf - Worm's Eye View

The original version of A Worm's Eye View was originally published in Janus Collection of Spanking Stories and was written by Colin Reed. This excerpt was based on that story but some of the details have been modified. The action takes place in England some time in the early 1950s. I hope you like it as much as I do. The gender of the narrator is never revealed so feel free to imagine yourself as the storyteller.

When I was sixteen we moved to a flat in a large Victorian terraced house. The flat was partly in the basement, and the rooms at the front of the house were reached by descending a stone staircase to the front door at the base of the steps. The rear rooms were on the same level as the garden. It was very spacious, there were more rooms than we needed and I was given one of the rooms at the front as my very own den.

The room was tucked away at the end of a passage and was quite small and windowless. Nevertheless it was an ideal place for me and, since nobody else needed it or, for that matter, ever came near it, I was able to fit it up for my hobbies and spend a good deal of my free time there without being disturbed.

I soon found out that the room above was the bathroom of the upstairs flat which interested me not at all, until one evening while sitting in my den reading, I heard voices from above. A male voice was raised in anger, while the other, a female voice, seemed to be pleading.

Quite clearly I heard the angry voice say:

"It's no use pleading, Vera. I've told you time and time again and now you must take your punishment!"

I stood up, my ears pricked, as the female voice said in a despairing wail:

"Oh Jack, no please!"

I waited with bated breath for the next move. There was the sound of something being moved and then a short cry of "No Jack!" then the sound of a hand striking soft bare flesh.

I could hear every sound, just as if I had been in the room with them. Every single smack, each gasp and cry, all the pleading and entreaties from Vera, and finally the tearful sobs as she cried out "Oh stop, Jack, please I'll be good!"

Obviously Jack was not to be swayed by by his wife's pleas for he continued to administer the chastisement.

Smack! Smack!

"Oh oh no Jack it hurts!"

Smack! Smack!

"Oooohhhh, ah, please stop, it hurts!"

At last the sound of punishment ceased, and I heard Vera's husband say:

"If that hasn't taught you to behave, Vera, I will spank you again and again until you learn!"

Then there was the sound of the door opening and closing, and footsteps retreating along the passage. Vera was still sobbing bitterly, but I noticed that as soon as her husband was out of earshot, the sobbing ceased. The sound of running water now came from the bathroom intermingled with several pained cries from Vera, and my fevered imagination pictured the scene. Vera was standing by the wash basin with her skirt pulled right up and her knickers pulled down to her ankles, and applying a soaked towel to her heated nether regions. After about five minutes, Vera too left the bathroom and I was able to relax.

As you can imagine, I was by now very excited and it was some time before I was able to think clearly.

The first thing I did then was to examine the ceiling very carefully. Since it was quite low, this proved easy, and I soon discovered that the actual ceiling was only cardboard nailed up to the floor joists. In one corner it was very loose and I had no difficulty in pulling it away. To my delight I was rewarded with a ray of light from above. By standing on a chair I was able to get my eye close to the hole, and was overjoyed to discover that I could see into the bathroom quite clearly from what appeared to be a gap in the skirting boards at the corner of the room.

I could see the bath and the wash basin quite well, also part of a chair, and, if I could enlarge the hole a little I would have an even better view. Thinking that there was no time like the present, I set to work. First, I pulled away more of the ceiling and carefully brushed away all the dust and cobwebs. Then, with a long screwdriver, I was able to ease the skirting boards apart, so I had a perfect view of most of the room.

Satisfied with my work, I cleaned all traces of dust and dirt from my clothes and the floor, then went out and scrounged a couple of wooden boxes. These I placed in position, so they made an excellent grandstand on which I could sit comfortably as I watched. Finally, I fixed the sheet of cardboard so that I could move it when necessary but, if anyone came into the den, they wouldn't notice it. I also placed my camera near the boxes so it would be close at hand.

You can bet I kept my ears open for any sounds from the bathroom during the short evening period I was allowed to spend in my den but nothing happened for several days. Then, one evening at about 8 pm, I heard the sound of footsteps above my head and, like a flash, I was at my vantage point, my eye glued to the hole. I was just in time to see Vera enter the bathroom, dressed in a school uniform. She was followed closely by Jack, who wore a black academic gown of the sort schoolmasters wore.

Vera backed up against the wash basin and turned to face her husband.

"Please, Jack," she began in a wheedling voice but that's as far as she got, for her husband's stern tones cut her short.

"I'm having no more excuses, Vera," she said sharply. "You should have done as you were told then you wouldn't have to think up silly stories to get out of being punished! Now, young lady, just you turn around and bend over the bath!"

"Yes, Jack," said Vera in a doleful voice, and with obvious reluctance, turned and leaned forward over the porcelain bath.

My view was temporarily obscured as Vera's husband moved towards his erring wife. All I could see was the husband's form as he stood directly behind Vera, but I did see the thin cane tucked under one arm. He fumbled with Vera's clothing for a few seconds and then stepped to one side.

My heart pounded in my chest for, facing me, was the glorious vision of Vera's plump white bottom, completely bare and ready for her caning.

Her husband had tucked up her gym slip and pulled the blue school knickers halfway down Vera's thighs.

My eyes were transfixed by the wonderful supple curves and the round plumpness of the twin cheeks. I was still feasting my eyes when there was a movement, a faint swish and the cane was planted right across the centre of those wonderful cheeks.

There was a startled squeal from Vera, and she jerked half upright and drew her bottom in, causing the cheeks to cling together so that the deep shadowed cleft between them became a dark line and the soft skin of her bottom puckered as she sought to harden her flesh against the pain.

Her husband waited patiently for a few moments while Vera wriggled her bottom about, then she raised the cane again and said, "That's enough, Vera, bend down again!"

I thought at first the woman would refuse, but she gave a soft moan and slowly bent over again. I could see quite clearly where the cane had landed, for there was a thick bright red line across Vera's bottom and I knew from personal experience it must be stinging like mad.

I watched the cane poised high in the air, ready for another stroke, and followed it as it sped towards its lovely defenceless target.

Vera shrieked in pain, and there was no doubt that this stroke hurt even more then the first one, for I watched it strike home about an inch below the red weal and curl around the edge of Vera's well out-thrust bottom, clinging for a split second before it sprang back again.

Immediately Vera shot upright and grabbed her burning cheeks, rubbing them frantically.

"Oh Jack, no more. Please Jack, it hurts dreadfully! Aaaah my bottom is on fire!" she wailed. She cast an imploring look at her husband, but it was obvious that the good man was used to his wife's tricks and would not relent, so with a despairing sob, Vera resumed her position. Her skirt had half fallen, so that it partly covered the target area so, before the next installment, it was again lifted and pinned out of the way.

As the cane was raised for the third time, I could see that the skin around the weals was beginning to suffuse into a deep pink colour and that both cheeks were quivering with pain.

Vera seemed to be trying to hold her bottom taut, but her position made such efforts impossible, so that her lovely bottom was alternately contracting and relaxing. It was a beautiful study in fluid motion as the firm supple flesh quivered and rolled as she tried to control her buttock muscles. Quickly I moved my camera over the spy hole and pressed the button just as a howl of pain followed another stroke of the cane.

When I put my eye to the spy hole again I saw Vera standing up facing me. Her pretty face was screwed up with pain and she was clutching her sore bottom.

"Oh Jack," she wailed "I can't stand any more, please stop!"

Her appeal was so heart rending that I was sure her husband would take pity on her but oh, no, with a firm decisive gesture, he took hold of Vera and, pulling her close, forced her to bend over.

Once more he lifted the naughty girl's skirt, baring once more the chubby bottom, to my great delight, then raised the cane to continue the punishment.

Vera's knickers had fallen right down to her ankles, her legs were splayed wide and her knees bent, presenting me with a view so incredible that my already feverish pulse surged and throbbed through my temples. I licked my dry lips and forced myself onto tip toes.

Vera's husband raised the cane again, a slight smile etched on his face, and with no sign of remorse brought the thin cane whistling down once more on those beautiful rounded globes.

Vera gave an anguished wail and again her hands rushed to her welted bottom. She straightened and I thought her skirt would drop and cover this delectable sight, but no! Her arms, pressed tightly against her hips, held the skirt up and I trembled with delight as I watched the jutting cheeks wobble and dance in the paroxysms of pain.

"Oh Jack, Jack," Vera squealed in terror, "please no more, I beg you. I can't take any more!"

Her husband gave her a withering glance and his eyes fastened on the angry red weals of his wife's once white bottom, but he pushed Vera down once more, raising the cane high and without replying to the entreaties, brought it down hard on the unprotected bottom.

I hurriedly shoved my camera close to the spy hole and triggered it, then not wishing to miss the final acts, I replaced my eye to the aperture and saw my lovely Vera standing, tears running down her face, hands rubbing the stinging reddened buttocks and sobbing in desperation for her husband to finish the punishment.

Looking at his wife for a few moments, the husband sighed and dropped the cane, saying:

"Vera, on this occasion I will let you off lightly. In future, if you disobey me you can expect a lot worse than this!"

Vera, her bottom now bright red and criss-crossed with several sore weals, cried "Oh Jack, I promise...no more, I promise to behave."

Then I watched them leave the bathroom, Jack leading his wife by the arm, and Vera carrying her knickers and rubbing her bottom tenderly.

You Completed the Caption

This photo generated an amazing variety of captions in a wide range of moods and styles. I believe it's the most creative Complete the Caption yet!

SpankCake: Tall stalks masks the horizon,
her future unknown,
only seeing the path she currently walks.

Michael: "And on the eighth day God created clothes for women."  DAMMIT!

SNP: She gazed into the horizon with a future full of hope and promise.

Brian Haynes: Spaaaarrrkkeeee...where did that silly dog run off to this time. If I don't find him my husband will have to know I was walking in the wilderness again. He will REALLY blister my bottom for that!!! Spaaarrkkeee...

Red: How will I ever find a switch for my spanking, when all I see is grass and sand... unless I find some driftwood that can be used as a paddle.

Minelle Labraun: Decisions, decisions. Can I embrace what he wants from me, or will I lose myself in the process?

Sunnygirl: Very lonely and sad, we know not the reason.

Lillie: When Evelyn met Darryl he was already rising through the ranks of FEMA. It wasn't until the couple began to buy property that she fully understood the ramifications of his limitations.

Mindset: As I feel the caress if the wind, I so long for his fingers grazing over my body.

Young Lady: Mary looked out over the horizon lamenting "Why did I sass that nice wagon train leader - now it will take me forever to reach the next town."

Ronnie: The breeze playing with her hair made her think of last night with John. Oh how she wished he was still there with her.

GaryNTboy: I must go down to the sea again , the lonely sea and the sky. I left my shoes and socks there , I wonder if they're dry...

Bonnie: "Life's a beach..."

Six of the best: "Somewhere over the rainbow, will come a star. And spank my bare bottom. Hoorah, Hoorah."

Prefectdt: Damn! The first time I find an outdoor spot isolated enough to get spanked in and I forgot to bring a spanker.

Kim B: I remember how different things use to be,before LDD. I am so, no we are so complete now!

Welcome, Kim!

Ana: Bend. I must bend, or I will break. The way the grasses and the grains bend without breaking, I must learn how to submit without becoming broken.

Ricky: Gone with the wind,
but maybe he'll return,
back with the breeze*.

* Margaret Mitchell's own title for her never-to-be sequel.

1manview: Summer breeze,
Autumn chill:
Scattered sun hangs low in the sky,
Like the shattered heart in my chest,
As love has forsaken me once again...

Kingspan: There's a cane standing somewhere among the rushes, my dear. Three strokes on your lovely bottom for every minute until you return with it.

Vfrat25000: The sea grass holds so many stories. How will mine be written?

The tall grass waves in wind, the sand curls between my toes and the waves lap gently against the ever-changing shoreline. As I stand in awe of the majesty of the sight and sounds of nature, I am reminded that my presence here on Earth is fleeting. No one is responsible for my happiness but me.

Hermione: Alone with her thoughts, all she could think of was how much her bottom hurt.


Thank you to everyone who joined in this weekend.  Have a safe week!

Complete the Caption

Today's photo is a bit different from the ones I usually extend for your creative efforts. I found it a few years ago and it spoke to me so I saved it, but never found a reason to post it until today.

What are your thoughts on this portrait of a woman alone with only the sky and the land as companions? Complete the caption in any way you like, and I'll look forward to publishing your impressions in the next post.

Friday FAIL

Today's post is a random assortment of photos that seemed like FAILs to me. You may disagree. FAIL or WIN, they're entertaining.

 This photo and the next are related...

 It's all a matter of expectation.  Do any of my male readers wear thongs?

 Huh?

 It doesn't seem to offer much protection.

 Wait, what? This was on the Internet!

I Suspect that's just a cover-up and she really does like spanking.