One-Man Band

Michael wrote a lovely poem about us for Bonnie's recent poetry brunch. In case you missed it, I'll share it with you:

Hermione hails from the land of the maple leaf
Spanking is her passion and core belief
Her man Ron has a firm hand
Playing her bum like a one man band
Who after paddling her offers sweet "relief"

That Michael is a mind reader (or maybe it's because all Tops think alike). You see, Ron's special enjoyment of spanking me comes from the very unique music that each implement makes when it connects with my posterior. I often think of him as a one-man band as he produces a wide variety of sounds (excluding the ones that come from my mouth.) Here are some of them:

SMACK  The dogging bat. It's probably the loudest implement in our collection.

TIK TOK  The broad flat wooden paddle. It sounds like a ping pong match with a distinct difference between impact on the left and right cheeks.

WHOP  The leather belt. It is flexible so the strokes are farther apart and they hurt so good.

SPLIT SPLAT  The rubber spatula. It makes two slightly different sounds depending on whether the concave or the convex side connects with my bottom. Ron frequently demonstrates the difference, much to my dismay and his amusement.

Tappity tappity tap tap tappa tap  The slender wooden shoehorn. Its sound is high-pitched, and Ron usually apples it quickly with an irregular rhythm; the rhythm of a tune only he can hear. Then it's several swats to one side, more or less the same number to the other, and a flurry of taps right in the middle that never fails to make me squeal. But that just adds to the musicality of our chastisement concerto.

THUPP  The black leather strap. A major force to contend with.

PLOTT  The long wooden spatula. It's quite a useful tool, but not in the kitchen. I cringe as I hear it coming through the air, then it lands.

SWOOSH  Then there is the dressage whip. Ron loves to swish it back and forth very quickly near my head, and it whooshes in an ominous way. I cringe as I hear it, knowing how it will feel when it ultimately lands.

THWICK  The sound of the dressage whip when it finally finds its way to my bottom.


To all of these auditory stimuli I respond in the same way: OW. I'll have to expand my vocabulary to match Ron's.