Famous Last Words

Ron likes to get the last word in whenever he can, and spankings are no different. A while ago I shared some of the lines he uses to bring a spanking to a close. Here are a few more:

"You've been purple-ized."

"My work here is done."

"Your bum is fluorescent orange."

"And now for the finale..."

"You're done like a dinner."

Ron: "That spanking was a three."
Me: "How many levels are there?"
Ron: "Fourteen."

Dangerous Method

A Dangerous Method, the new movie about Carl Jung, Sigmund Freud and the birth of psychoanalysis, recently opened in US theatres, and I assume will be coming to Canada soon. The dangerous method is, in part, spanking. Keira Knightly, who plays the role of patient Sabina Spielrein, initially turned down the role because of the spanking scenes.

But in a recent article, Knightly revealed that working with David Cronenberg, Michael Fassbender and Viggo Mortensen (who portrays Freud) was too enticing to walk away. It also helped that Cronenberg promised the two spanking scenes would be clinical.

"I phoned him up initially to turn it down because I thought they were incredibly important for the piece. So it wasn't a question of trying to negotiate them out of the film because I thought they were very necessary for the film. But I just thought, 'I don't think I can do that.'

"So, I phoned up David and said, 'I love you, I love your work, but I really don't think that I want to do this.' And he said, 'Well it would be a tragedy if you turned the role down because of that, so if necessary we can take them out.' And I said, 'No, because I understand why they are there'. He said, 'Well look, I don't want it to be sexy, and I don't want it to be voyeuristic. I want it to be clinical.'

"We talked for quite a long time about exactly what it was and trying to understand it psychologically. Once we discussed, I said 'Alright, fine, as long as it is not sexy. That brutal horrible aspect is kept, and it isn't a sexy spanking scene.'"

Sexy or clinical, I want to see that spanking! Watch it here (thanks, Chross.)

From the Top Shelf - At Home

I've been reading Bill Bryson's At Home, a history of how houses and the various rooms within them came to be. I'm a big fan of Bryson's work; his writing is always entertaining and humorous, but I didn't expect to find spanking references. Imagine my surprise and delight when I came across one in a discussion about the hard lives of servants.

Like the Carlyles, but nearly two centuries earlier, Samuel Pepys and his wife, Elizabeth, had a seemingly endless string of servants during the nine and a half years in which Pepys wrote his famous diary, and perhaps little wonder since he spent a good deal of his time pawing the females and beating the boys--though, come to that, he beat the girls quite a lot too. Once he took a broom to a servant named Jane "and basted her till she cried extremely." Her crime was that she was untidy. Pepys kept a boy whose principal function seems to have been to give him something convenient to hit--"with a cane or a birch or a whip or a rope's end, or even a salted eel," as the historian Liza Picard puts it.

A hard life indeed. Later, in the chapter devoted to the evolution of the drawing room, there is a description of the extravagant life of a wealthy landowner, William Beckford.

In 1784, Beckford became the centerpiece of the most spectacularly juicy scandal of his age when it emerged that he was involved in a pair of tempestuous, wildly dangerous dalliances. One was with Louisa Beckford, the wife of his first cousin. At the same time, he also fell for a slim and delicate youth named William Courtenay, the future ninth Earl of Devon, who was generally agreed to be the most beautiful boy in England. For a few torrid and presumably exhausting years, Beckford maintained both relationships, often under the same roof. But in the autumn of 1784 there was a sudden rupture. Beckford received or discovered a note in Courtenay's hand that threw him into a fit of jealous rage. No record exists  of what the note said, but it provoked Beckford into intemperate action. He went to Courtenay's room and, in the slightly confused words of one of the other houseguests, "horsewhipped him, which created a noise, and the doors being opened, Courtenay was discovered in his shirt, and Beckford in some posture or other--Strange story."
Indeed. 

You Completed the Caption

The weather outside is frightful, but the end result is so delightful, according to my readers.


Simon: As usual Hermione had packed completely the wrong clothes for her holiday.
or
Hermione had a cold bottom at the moment but she knew it would be warmed up for her later.

James: What a way to cool off a HOT bottom!

Duality: All the smart spankos know a cold bottom makes for a more tingly spanking.

Dark Knight Fair Lady: I love it, but that wasn't what I meant when I said you should chill out.

Six of the best: "To ride the slide, push the tush."

Bonnie: "Gladys sought relief for her burning posterior in a most unconventional fashion."

Vfrat25000: Apparently Tonya had not fully considered all the consequences of her plan to slide down the ice mountain without a sled. After spending three days lying on her stomach nursing her sore bottom, she came to the conclusion that maybe there was a very good reason most people used a sled.

Eddie Bauer’s new “Ice Sledding Shorts” never seemed to meet sales projections and were quickly discontinued.

Fitness Guru Michelle “No Pain No Gain” Anderson found out teaching Zumba Dancing on the side of Old Frosty Mountain was not one of her best ideas.

Barbie “Cookie” Peterson, the California Exchange student in Norway, never quite seemed to grasp the concept that “Norwegian Mountains Make for Lousy Surfing.”

Stay tuned for scenes from the new movie: “Gidget goes to the Antarctic.”

In a desperate attempt to boost ratings, the ladies from the “View” took their show to “Billy Bob’s Hill of Ice and All You can Drink Margarita Fountain.” Barbara Walters was the first to try the Free Fall Slide after which the rest of the Stars and crew decided that maybe that “Tex’s Bull Riding School and Rodeo Clown College” might be safer.

Red: Another wonderful day at SPANKERS HAVEN... where you can cool your bottom between spankings.

Ronnie: "I much prefer a hot bottom than a cold one."

Sunnygirl: One way to cool down toasted buns.

Sweetpea: Ron is going to have to wear his gloves when he gives Hermione her spanking this afternoon.

Dave: Owie! Dang snow! My butt stings and I haven't even been spanked yet! *pout*

M: "I wonder if a frost bitten bum feels the same as a well-spanked one. It might be a good substitute when Ron is away."

Daisychain: If I sit here a few more seconds, the snow will melt... but it is sure doing the trick of cooling my bottom!

Spankedhortic II: Janet soon found out how Brokebottom mountain got its name.

Hermione: These silly shoes always make me go flop bott!


Well, that raised the temperature a few degrees. Thanks for playing, and do come back next week for another stimulating photo in need of a caption. 

Complete the Caption

We had our first (groan) snowfall of the season this week, and it inspired today's photo. Not all of us look upon snow as a burden that must be shoveled. This young lady is enjoying the white wonders around her.

Complete the caption by leaving a comment, and I will publish your submissions in the next post.

On your mark, get set, shop!

The day after American Thanksgiving - Black Friday - is traditionally the start of the Christmas shopping frenzy. To help you in your search for the perfect gift for that special spanko someone, try these on for size.

Wildlife Drop-Seat Union Suit

Available online from Wireless, they are "the perfect jammies for winter hibernation, or wear them as an extra layer when the shoveling can't wait. But be warned: you'll be tempted to wear them alone to show off that cute drop-seat bottom. Six-button front with screenprinted graphics on dropseat and front."

Choose from one of two spankingly suggestive images for the seat:

Bear Bottom

Moose Caboose

Either one will ensure your bottom stays toasty-warm  in any position.

To My American Friends

We won't be having turkey, but Ron will be enjoying the football game.

And the half-time show.

They Don't Mind

Last month a brunch discussion on Bonnie's blog dealt with how the animals in our homes react to spanking. Ron rarely spanks me in front of our dogs. Fang needs close supervision and Fluffy is frightened by loud noises. Both are safely shut away before a spanking begins, and we confine our activities to the bedroom with the door closed.

The other evening while we were watching television, I got up from my place on the couch beside Ron. I immediately felt a firm swat on my bottom. I paused, leaned forward slightly, and the smack was repeated on the other side. I winced but held my position as a flurry of short, sharp slaps landed on my backside. When it was over, I rubbed my bottom as I turned around and looked at the dogs. They were both curled up, fast asleep, one at either end of the couch.

"Look," I said. "They didn't even notice."

"They're used to it now," Ron agreed.

Maybe our furbabies have finally come to terms with their parents' kink, and we can explore spanking opportunities with more spontaneity. I wonder what they'll do when they hear the loud wooden paddles close up.

From the Top Shelf - Preoccupied Dominatrix

Today I have some excerpts from another tongue in cheek article in The Onion to share with you.

Dominatrix Seems Preoccupied

RENO, NV—Local submissive Jack Traden announced Monday that his dominatrix, Mistress Varla of DV8, seems to have more on her mind than his humiliation.

"Mistress Varla hasn't been herself lately," Traden said. "Last week, she commanded me to lick her boots clean, but when I finished, she just stared off into space."

"The whipping—it's all over the place," Traden said. "I don't know whether she's trying to whip my ass or my elbows. It's just not the same getting flogged by someone who's barely paying attention. And her ordering-around has been totally indecisive."

Added Traden: "I've seen her like this before—last year, when she lost her job at the bank."
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Traden said he has no idea why Mistress Varla seems so distant, but noted that he is unlikely to find out.

"To ask about her personal life would be an inappropriate breach of the B&D code," Traden said. "But that doesn't mean I'm not worried about her. She's very special to me, but if I told her that, she probably wouldn't put me on the spanking rack for a long time."
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Although he could find a new dominatrix, Traden said he believes in loyalty.

"I've been with Mistress Varla too long to call it quits," Traden said. "There's a bond that would be difficult to reproduce. When I'm under her boot, it feels like a second home to me. When she's focused, there's no one in the world who can make me feel more like a worm than she can."

In spite of this praise, Traden said he "can't keep paying top dollar for second-rate domination."

"I like to be debased, but I'm no chump," Traden said. "I might have to take a break from being her chattel while she gets her head together. After a little break, I'm sure before you know it I'll be lashed to the floor, covered in hot wax, and happier than ever."

Read the full article here.

Versatile Blogger Award

Several bloggers have nominated me for the Versatile Blogger Award. Thank you all for the honour. I think it's pretty appropriate, since here at Hermione's Heart, I like to talk about a wide variety of subjects that are inevitably related to spanking somehow or other.

According to the rules, I must now reveal seven things about myself that you probably don't know, so here goes:

1. Writing is my preferred method of communication. I'll choose email over the telephone any day if it's an option. I don't even have a cellphone.
2. I regularly write handwritten letters - yes, really, on paper with a pen - and add a colorful sticker to the envelope, along with an interesting postage stamp.
3. I love gardening and spend a lot of time each winter preparing for the new growing season. All our flowers and vegetables are grown from seed, and because of our cold climate, this means starting them indoors under grow lights.
4. I love to bake. As a teen I entered many of my creations in the fall fair, and my birthday cakes won prizes. I even made my own wedding cake.
5. I'm a good cook, and use recipes as a guideline that I follow more or less. We rarely eat fast food or take-out, and I make all meals from scratch, with few prepared mixes or shortcuts. The exception is deluxe Kraft dinner - the kind with real, not powdered, cheese.
6. Housework isn't my favorite pastime - I'd rather be blogging - but I enjoy doing laundry.
7. My favorite holiday is Easter Eve.

Now it's your turn. Tell me seven things about yourself on your blog, if you have one, or as a comment if you don't.

You Completed the Caption

This mysterious pair generated some excellent captions from my readers.


A. Lurker: "Lashing through the snow!"

Simon: The low budget remake of the Rocky Horror Show wasn't going quite to plan.

Michael: Punishment is swift at the Crossdresser's Lodge when a member is late and not dressed properly.

Season: "I want my dress back you son of a biscuit!"

Bonnie: "The Drag Hockey League seemed like a good idea at first..."

Vfrat25000: You boys quit horsing around and come inside, dinner is ready. OK, Mom, be there in a minute.

I told you what would happen if you voted Republican in this election.

Did you see that, Harold? It must be 3 degrees and those boys were outside playing and they did not have on winter coats.

The Smith Brothers are at again. Every time there is a NASCAR race on TV, they go to arguing about who is the fastest driver.

Oh Jim, I love those black stockings and garter. Stop the car, run over and ask him where he got those.

Marvin, look at that nice man in the black hose and garters helping that other guy inside. I just hate that it’s so icy and slick around here in winter.

Get back inside. You promised to buy me a new Baby Doll Night Gown and by golly I am holding you to your promise!

Fredericks of Hollywood…No I say the best is Victoria’s Secret…Is NOT, It's Fredericks……Victoria’s…Fredericks….Come inside with me we are going to settle this once and for all.

Composing Us: Hey gimme back my Versatile Blogger Award!

Lea: "She promised me that if I dressed up like this, she'd reciprocate. Looks like the joke is on me! Let's get out of here!"

Spankedhortic II: "Now that was a great night's drinking. I can't remember what we did."

Ronnie: "Now go in and ask for my trousers back."

Hermione: In the far North, where the days are cold and the nights are long, cabin fever finally got the better of Jake and Harold.


Thank you to all who participated as well as to those who laughed at this unusual picture but didn't submit a caption. I'm glad you enjoyed it! See you next week for something completely different. I'm nothing if not versatile.

Complete the Caption

These two gentlemen seem to be in the middle of... what?

Complete the caption by leaving a comment and I will publish your conjectures in the next post.

Friday Fun

It's the end of a long week; time to get way from the daily grind for a couple of days for some fun and relaxation.

First take off that dress or suit and slip into something comfortable.

 

You might like to start off with some appropriately-named refreshment.

Maybe an invigorating ride is more your style.

Or an outdoor sporting adventure.

Whatever you do to relax, remember one thing:

Have fun!

Double your Pleasure

While cleaning out my closet the other day I came across this pair of paddles. I bought them in a thrift shop over a year ago and told you about them on Bonnie's blog, but I never had a chance to try them out. What was I waiting for? There's no time like the present so I carried them into our bedroom, retrieved our toy box from its hiding place under the bed, placed them on top, and slid the box back under before I could change my mind.

A few hours later I was summoned to the bedroom for s spanking. Ron sat on the bed and on the floor at his feet was the open toy box.

"You choose," he commanded.

The paddles had been right on top but now were nowhere to be seen. I glanced quickly around the room, thinking Ron had already selected them, but I didn't see them. My husband frowned at my hesitation, so I quickly chose a leather paddle and a wooden spatula and handed them to him. Ron nodded his approval then asked, "How about the riding crop?" so I gave him that too, because it wasn't really a question; it was an order.

I bent over and waited. There was silence, then the scrape of a drawer opening. What was going on?

I didn't have long to wonder, for almost immediately I felt the double impact. Whack! Both cheeks were assaulted at once. I turned and looked back. Ron was smiling and holding up the pair of paddles. Sneaky guy!

So he carried on, using first one, then the other, then both.

"I want to see if there's a difference," he explained.

"Feel free to ask my opinion," I retorted. "I ought to know! Actually, they both feel the same."

"No, I think this one's a little louder," and he demonstrated.

As the action progressed, and he returned to the paddles as he went through the rotation of implements, the swats became harder. Ron loves paddles that make a big sound.

"Hey," I protested after an especially loud and hard swat. "You'll break that."

"It's okay, I have a spare."

Needless to say, the paddles are here to stay. No more hiding in the closet for the Atlantic City twins.

Wednesday WIN

The evolution of panties.

Spanking Butter

Sometimes after an especially hard spanking, when my bottom is glowing hot and needs some tender loving care, I ask Ron to rub some fragrant lotion on it. Sometimes he uses cooling peppermint lotion and that reduces the sting to a manageable level. My favourite is this orange-scented body butter. It smells so good, and feels wonderful.

But recently, I took a second look at the label, and was intrigued by the French version of the name of the product.

Beurre corporel. Corporal butter.

Butter to be used after corporal punishment? It works for me.

From the Top Shelf - That Eye

That Eye, the Sky by Tim Winton is a moving coming of age story told by Ort, an adolescent boy living in the Australian outback. Ort lives with his parents, grandmother, and older sister Tegwyn, and after his father has an accident and remains in a coma, a mysterious stranger called Henry Warburton arrives. Henry, who is an itinerant preacher, becomes part of the family, and the women of the house are drawn to him in different ways. Ort watches them.

Tegwyn and Henry Warburton are arguing again. They fight all the time in her room; he uses all the big words on her like salvation and sanctification and she yells at him and tells him to go stuff his head up Margaret's bum.

Later I come out after scrubbing potatoes for Mum, and I see Tegwyn throw a potful of tealeaves all over Henry Warburton, on his face, in his hair - everything. He picks her up and puts her over the rail of the steps and smacks her. Her dress is all up over her head and her knickers are black and he smacks her and smacks her until she screams and bawls.

After tea I go into the bathroom to brush my teeth to get out all the bits of meat and there's Henry Warburton bleeding into the sink. Blood's all coming out his nose and it runs all over his chin and into the white sink. He looks at me in the mirror.

"Not a word."

I go out.

Henry and Tegwyn reconcile, as Ort later discovers.

In the night I wake up.

I get up and go into the hall. I look in on Tegwyn and her and him are biting each other and hitting each other, with his hairy bum up and her making hate noises at him and the bed squealing.

I listened to this story on an audiobook while driving to and from work, and the spanking was quite unexpected. Luckily I wasn't driving too fast at the time, but I did have to reverse the CD player and listen to the passage a time or two, just to make sure I had heard correctly.

You Completed the Caption

Kingspan:
"Why don't you bring the hairbrush over here like I asked you to, young lady?"
"I would, but... um... I think I'm coming down with something ... and, uh... I can't find it... that is, er... it will make too much noise... and, um... is it too late to say I'm sorry?"


Sarah Thorne:
"Why don't you let me hit that one more time?"
"I'm sorry, but your time is up. $50 please."


Michael:
"Why don't you come over here so I can spank your naughty bottom?"
"I would but any man who holds a cigarette like that I can't take seriously as a Top."


Six of the best:
He said. "Why don't you take your knickers down. She says, "That's a man's job'" with a wink in her eye.


Ronnie:
"Why don't you come over here and we'll talk about it?"
"I would, but I know what you mean when you say we'll talk about it and my bottom is still sore from this morning's spanking."


fanz123:
Why don't you ever get ready on time.
I would, but you were in the bathroom too long.

(One way to talk yourself into a hot bottom.)


Mindset:
Why don't you get out the strap on and do me tonight?
I would but you always whine when I do that!

(Sorry his pose and her leather it has to be a switch!)


Kitty:
"Why don't you spank me tonight? I'm such a naughty boy for smoking!"
"I would, but I forgot the cane. I know, I'll use your belt!"


Richardmt:
"Why don't you ever behave yourself at a party?"
"I would, but only if YOU would!"

Richard, I'm glad your technical difficulties with leaving comments were resolved.


Sweetpea49:
"Why don't you come over here for your birthday spanking?"
"I would, but I have to blow out the candles first."

Today is my birthday and I'm waiting for my birthday spanking.

Happy birthday Sweetpea! 


vfrat25000:
WHY DON’T YOU Call for a Pizza?
I WOULD BUT I have a date tonight.

WHY DON’T YOU put on that Wonder Woman Costume and let’s play Naughty Super Hero Tonight.
I WOULD BUT I forgot to mention, my mother is coming in this evening. Her back is bothering her so she is going to stay with us a few weeks.

WHY DON’T YOU hurry up and get me some dinner?
I WOULD BUT first I have to watch the grass grow and the paint dry and after that invent the flying car.

WHY DON’T YOU spend the night?
I WOULD BUT my husband is wrestling in the “WWE Smack Down” this evening and he hates it when I miss one of his matches.

WHY DON’T YOU come back over here and let’s see if I can teach you a proper lesson.
I WOULD BUT if you remember we left your Mom and Dad in the living room two hours ago. Don’t you think they might be wondering what happened to us?


Prefectdt:
"Why don't you stop complaining about never having anything to wear."
"I would but you have ruined every dress I have. parading around the bedroom in them, every night."

Tenth Muse Top:
"Why don't you stop dressing like Lauren Bacall?!"
"I would... but I have still haven't found my Humphrey Bogart."

A. Lurker:
"Why don't you bring me your hairbrush, darling?"
"I would but your hair is so perfectly coiffed already, dear, so why would you need a hairbrush?" 

Mitch:
"Why don't you ever do what I ask?""I would, but who swings the paddle in this house? Speaking of which, I haven't seen it in about a week. Do you know anything about that?"


Hermione:
"Why don't you come over here so I can spank you?"
"I would but... I can't see my reflection in the mirror. Roger, I'm a ghost!"




Thank you to everyone who participated today. Stay safe, and I'll see you all next week for another challenge. 

Complete the Caption

It seems that this couple is in the middle of negotiating some sort of activity. They  have started a discussion, but they need your help.

Complete the caption by leaving a comment. You can use the text in the bubbles as a starting point, or invent your own variation. I will publish your suggestions in the next post.

We Will Remember Them

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years contemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.

Laurence Binyon