Sunday, March 2, 2014

Spanko Brunch 2.0 #9


March has come in like a lion this year. Let's hope it goes out like a lamb!

This week's discussion is about taking charge of the decision to spank. Usually it's the dominant partner who decides, but that may not always be the case.

In your relationship, does the spanker always initiate spankings? Does the spankee have the ability to request one? If so, under what circumstances would this happen?

I want to know what you think, so please feel free to express your views by leaving a comment. I will publish an edited summary of our discussion once the busy weekend is over.

From Hermione's Heart

23 comments:

Catherine Shaw said...

In our home, hubby determines when to spank, for whateverthe reason. However, there are times when I simply have "a need" I am learning to ask if this is the case, but the final decision is up to him.

Florida Dom said...

I decide when and how long to spank my girl, but she is allowed to give input. She told me she likes short, hard hand spankings as compared to ones with flogger or riding crop. So I give her more hand spankings now. But I use the flogger and crop on occasion.

And thanks for keeping Bonnie's brunch going.

FD

abby said...

It is usually Master's decision. I can ask, and He will usually agree. I do not get to pick what He spanks with or for how long...
hugs abby

River Wild said...

For us, if Ash decides a spanking is going to happen, then it happens. He chooses the when, where, and implement. Sometimes I beg for something different, but he had the final say. I am allowed and encouraged to ask for a spanking when I feel the need. He says he loves it when I come to him with that request, but I really hate asking for it!

Dan - A Disciplined Hubby said...

It is usually my wife who initiates. I have been thinking lately, however, that I need to be more vocal in expressing when I think I deserve one or need the penance of a spanking to make up for some bad act or failing. Instead, I tend to just get frustrated that she isn't taking command as much as I would ideally like. I know some people see asking for it as "topping from below," but I don't buy into that. Relationships are an exchange, and both parties need to be able to communicate what they need and want.

Ni Na said...

Hubby decides when a spanking is due, though I can also ask for one and since I don't do that just for fun, but more when I really need it, he usually complies. Nevertheless, the final decision on these matters is always his alone.

Nina

Autumn said...

Since we are so new at this, I am usually the one to *hint* at wanting a spanking, although that's not to say he doesn't ever initiate them. It's so thrilling when he does, and they usually take me completely by surprise. I have no problem with subtly asking for a spanking if I need one, although, like most here, I don't like to have to come right out and ask.

SirQsmlb said...

While Sir will spank when and where and how he so desires, he's also always said I can ask for one whenever I need it as well. I sometimes struggle to ask for a spanking, but I'm getting better!

Hugs,
Fiona

Dragon's Rose said...

I usually ask. There have been a few that Dragon initiated but that isn't the norm. He sets the tone and picks out implements. Once I am in position, he is in control.

Country Spanker said...

I am the one that decides when Mrs CS deserves a spanking, but she is very clever and often points me in the right direction without me realising. That's another reason why I love her so

Sir Wendel Jones said...

It all depends on the moment. Normally I am the one that decides she needs a spanking. Once in a while she will recommend I spank her for misbehaving. For the “Girls Night Outs” I know the paddle is coming to ensure I behave while she is out.

Dr. Ken said...

Not in a relationship right now, but when I was, she could ask for one (or instigate one), or I could take the initiative. There was no set rule in the that regard.

Dr. Ken

Anonymous said...

We are in agreement with most others. She decides when it's time to spank, but if I feel I need spanking to clear my thought process I can ask for one. When a spanking is going to happen, I lay out all the implements and she picks what she wants to spank with and for how long and the position my bottom is presented in.
archedone

Our Bottoms Burn said...

No masters or subs here, so we do it both ways. One of us can decide to paddle the other or one of us can ask for a paddling. We pick the paddled we want used on us.

Anonymous said...

When D decides he wants to spank or I need a spanking, that's it; I get one, like it or not ! Sometimes my bottom tells me that it needs to be spanked, and I know just how to provoke and tease him until, "Right, young lady, you have been asking for a spanking, so now you re going to get one", and I quickly find myself bent over with my rear end getting the come-uppance it has asked for. S.

joeyred51 said...

When I Top, I initiate the spanking 95% of the time. I know how hard it is to ask so I initiate the spanking. Several times I have been asked to do a special scene and I always oblige the female bottom.

As a bottom, I almost always ask female Tops to play with me. Almost 95% of the time, I must wait for them to choose when they want to spank me.

Baxter said...

I am the spanko in our marriage. I initiate probably 99% of the time by asking R for a spanking or telling R that I need a spanking. Once we were sitting at the lunch table and I asked R if she would spank me and after she rolled her eyes, I took her by the hand and went to her workshop, handed her the paddle, bared my bottom and she spanked me. So yes I initiate it but control conveys to R and the result is a spanking with her choice of belt, paddle or spoon. I am a happy spanko husband.
Baxter

Minelle Labraun said...

Spanking usually happens when he decides, however I 'strongly' hint when I could use some attention!

Leigh Smith aka Sunny Girl said...

I have to say I ask more than he initiates. Once the spanking has commenced though, he takes charge.

ronnie said...

P decides when, where and how I get spanked but any time I feel in need of a little extra attention, I can ask.

Love,
Ronnie
xx

Wilma Rubble said...

Barney decides, although I am about as transparent as glass. We talk often after the fact about what implements have what affects on me. His big line is " after all if it isn't working why bother?".
To answer your question about asking. I am not only allowed but encouraged. In truth I have only asked once ( by handing him a paddle in tears) and another time he asked me if I needed one, ( I suppose that was almost like me asking because he gave me the illusion anyway that I was in control).
During r/a he will sometimes ask how I am doing, but during a punishment...he is in complete control.

Enzo said...

I am the spanker and always initiate and decide when and where a spanking is due. I would have no problem with her asking for one, in fact I often times wish she would as that would be very hot.

Since the majority of spankings are "disciplinary" in nature, I understand why she doesn't. However she did remind me once when I forgot to give her one and was becoming distracted with her beauty.

Anonymous said...

Ronjon said..
Being the spanko I tell the mrs.
when I need a good spanking. most times I have been in grouchy mood and know I deserve it. I hand her the belt and she takes over from there. We always use a belt but I would to find a good flogger. anyone know where I could buy one?
RJ