Happy Spankowe'en

May your bottoms glow as brightly as your pumpkins tonight.

You Completed the Caption

The couple whispering in the corner stirred our imaginations in many different ways. Here are your speculations.

Simon: She is saying, "Just because I can't spell Pre-Raphaelite I don't see why I should get a spanking."

Michael: It being Hallowe'en this Monday, "The Vampire Lespank prepares to bite the neck of Lady Spencer before biting her bottom with the palm of his hand. His motto is Suck her blood then spank her bum."

Bonnie: "I don't care what Jane Austen says, this script desperately needs a wild passionate love scene."

Red: She said, That is correct. Hold my hand and follow along quietly. The staff will soon hear your pleas and cries of distress while I cane you, but at least you do not have to see them smirking while I take hold of your ear and lead you to the cane.

Ronnie:  "Gerald, Lady Elizabeth told me last night she gets spanked by her husband, Please Gerald would you do that to me?"

"Devinia, I have something I must tell you. From the first day we met, I've wanted you to take me over your knee and spank me."

Prefectdt: She says, "If you do not remove your right hand from there immediately, you will find out how many weapons of ass destruction I have hidden under this skirt!"

Six of the best: The gentleman said, "After the dance my dear, I'm inviting you to have a 'spanking good time' in my town house apartment." The lady answered him with a smile of pleasure.

Kelly: 'My love. You are so very beautiful standing here in this light. But for your disobedience earlier you will feel the kiss of my cane.'

Vfrat25000: My dear I love you so much. Thank you for agreeing to marry me. Now about the Pre-Nup...

Antoinette, how about we sneak off to the bedroom for a few minutes before we leave for the party! Farnsworth, it took me three hours to get into this Halloween Costume and now you want to fool around. Get real!

Caroline I must tell you something. I’m not actually a Member of the Royal Family of Denmark. I sell cars for Harry’s Used Car Emporium.

Remember the Lady at the party with my Boss is NOT his wife Mildred!

I'm sorry dear. Honest. Betty, the Vice President of International Sales was walking down the hallway, cornered me and asked me to spank her. What choice did I have? I promise, when we get home I will spank you too! You promise Frank? The last time you fell asleep!

What do you mean you have to be home by Midnight or your coach turns into a pumpkin and the horses turn back into mice! What have you been drinking?

George, these Wuthering Heights role plays are boring. Can we please go back to the shoplifting niece!

Terri: "Now, right foot forward, bring the left around in an arc so that you face me, then I bow an you curtsey. And that's the end of that dance." the instructor reminded Lady Jenny.

"Well, my dear, your feet dance beautifully on the dance floor. I wonder if your bottom will give such an enchanting performance over my knees later tonight?" he whispered. She blushed prettily.


Weasel: We better get started now, i have a feeling it's going to take a while to find those panties under all those petticoats.

Michael M: "But my darling, I just like to wear lace. I am sorry that one of the servants found this in my room. Upon my word, they deserve a good whipping for interfering in my affairs."

"No, Charles. I think it is you who should taste the rod. I have told you many times to be more discreet. I shall see you in my dressing room before dinner. Now I must go and take tea with Aunt Jane."

Ms Betty: Now you wait here, darling. I'll go in and warm the girl up, then once she's blindfolded you come in with the strap. This is going to be the best birthday Emma's ever had!

Hermione: "Emmaline dearest, please tell me where you have hidden my razor strop, and I promise you, I never will use it on your maid's bottom again."

A Lurker: 1. "Frankly, my dear, I do give a spank!"

2. "Yes, I know I promised you'd get paddled over your clothing but I didn't expect you would put on so many layers so now it will be on the bare."

3. "There will be six strokes of the cane for every layer of clothing you have on!"


I'll have another picture for you to caption next week, and it will be a humdinger. Stay tuned!

Complete the Caption

Something is going on in the drawing room. Is the young lady in some sort of trouble? Perhaps the gentleman is. Maybe it's something else entirely. There are so many possibilities, I can't decide, but I hope you can.

Leave a comment with your suggestion for a possible scenario, or a he said, she said caption if you prefer, and I will publish your submissions in the next post.

The Devil made her do it

Comic Page Startles

Today I have a couple of startles to share with you from the comic section of the daily newspaper.

Don't you hate it when that happens?

Ruthie's parents obviously have some kinky fun after the children are in bed.

Butt Graffiti

Way in the back of my desk drawer I found a set of coloured transparency pens. These pens predate Powerpoint and laptops. In days gone by, presentations were created on paper using a word processor, then photocopied onto sheets of clear acetate. The sheets were placed on a projector, one by one, and the image was projected onto a screen. The pens were used to highlight and underline points on the sheets, and the ink was water soluble, so after a presentation, the sheets could be wiped clean of marks and used again.

I hadn't used the pens for a number of years, but they still worked, so I used them to mark freezer containers and bags, with disastrous results. The ink ran everywhere and made a mess of countertops and clothing. I still hated to throw them away, so consulted Ron for his opinion.

"What should we do with them?" I asked, as we worked together in the garden.

Ron thought a moment. "They wouldn't work for plant labels. The rain would wash the ink off. We could try face painting," and we both roared with laughter. We are both much too old for that sort of thing. Then he came up with another idea.

"I could draw pictures on your butt then hose them off," and he headed toward the garden shed.

Not a bad idea. It would give him something to look at while he was spanking me.

From the Top Shelf - Public Spanking

You may be familiar with a wonderful satirical online news site called The Onion. It looks and feels like a genuine news website, but once you read the articles, or even glance at the headlines, you'll realize they are bogus, but terribly clever.

This short excerpt is from an essay called "Aren't There Any Crimes Punishable By Public Spanking?"

Like most Americans, I was raised to believe two things: that I am a very, very bad boy, and that I must be properly punished for my transgressions. But in recent years, I've become deeply disillusioned with the American justice system. After an overview of federal sentencing guidelines and meticulous study of the Departments of Corrections of all 50 states, I have found that our nation's criminal courts routinely resort to fines, imprisonment and community service as restitution for wrongdoing—punishments I, for one, find less than satisfactory. Aren't there any crimes punishable by public spanking?

Take one recent case from my own neighborhood. Last fall, a city policeman observed a 1995 Mercury Sable station wagon moving at 35 mph in a school zone. This is not only speeding, but reckless endangerment. You might think that such dangerous driving would warrant a good, hard spanking on the part of the stern and neatly uniformed arresting officer, and so did I. But, no! Instead of the 10 to 15 crisp, flat-handed smacks to the bottom the offense would seem to call for, I was given a ticket for $50 and instructed to appear in traffic court. This is justice?

At my court appearance, things got even worse.

Read the rest here.

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Oct 23

This week we had a lively discussion about how sound affects us during a spanking.

Joeyred51: I let the top choose the implements; the only exception is the cane. I have asked for that experience and I received what I wished for. Ouch.

For me, I have more of a visceral reaction to the sound of an implement before I start to play. Listening to the crack or slap or thud of an implement hitting someone's bum has sent shivers down my spine knowing I am next. Hearing the swish of a cane causes the most intense reaction. Once in the OTK position, the sting registers in my brain much more than the sound.

Abby: Hmm...I rarely get to choose, but when I do, sound is never a consideration. During a spanking the time I pay attention to sound is when I hear the swish of the cane. The one spanking sound I do listen for...and "enjoy"...is the swish of His belt when He takes it off.

Simon: The swish of a cane is a very evocative sound. If I'm bent over and I hear the sound of a cane being whipped through the air behind me my bottom starts to tingle in anticipation. Other implements may make noises when impacting but in my experience only the cane has an effect before it is even in use.

Sara: My husband always chooses too, and on the rare occasion when I am asked to choose, the sound is not what's on my mind ;) However, I do think sound makes a difference. Sometimes we need something quiet, because of kids in the house or neighbors in a hotel, and if the implement is quiet I am less edgy, can feel more relaxed. On the other hand, when we have privacy, the whoosh of a cane like implement or the slapping sound of leather can heighten the experience for me.

morningstar: i think the only time sound has any effect on me is when we are playing publicly and then it is more because the crack of a whip or the swish of a flogger and then the thud as it hits and my vocalization can and does draw a crowd - and trust me when i say - when we are playing publicly i LOVE the reaction of on-lookers - i feed off their reactions.

At home when we are playing privately - the sound that an implement makes seems to have little or no effect on me, though each one does have a distinctive sound - in motion and when it connects.

Six of the best: Hermione, I enjoy the sound of the 'swish' of the cane, when it falls on a naughty lady's bare bottom, when I spank her with it. It's music to my ears.

Bobbie Jo: I don't have any experience with implements except a little leather paddle shaped like a hand. It has about the same sound as a hand, though slightly different. I dread the "swish" sound of a cane. That is one implement I will not allow my top use on me. I have not experienced it and i have no desire to. Period!

Once I am into the spanking, I want to relax and get into the experience. The sound isn't as important as the spanking itself although I have to admit that it is a bit unnerving at first. That feeling leaves in short order.

Prefectdt: A little grunt from a spanker is a strangely pleasing sound to hear. It means that she is having to work a little to get through to me :)

Personally I think that sound does have a big effect but mostly subconsciously. The sound of a cane, flogger or thick whip cutting the air and announcing the arrival of the stroke, is all part of the experience but one that I realize more when remembering the event, than at the time. The unannounced silent delivery, of something like a belt, also alters the experience.

I have never chosen an implement based on the sound that it makes but if I did it would be a swishing cane.

Ronnie: Good brunch subject from Ron.

It's always P's choice on what implement to use, I rarely get the chance to choose even though I normally buy all of ours.

Hearing the sound of an implement heightens the experience enormously for me. Like hearing the cane whooshing through the air or the sound of him removing his belt.

Duality: There are times when I prefer loud to pain with Grace. She comes from a fairly strict upbringing and because of that tries to be quiet at all times. So, on occasion, I'll make it as loud as possible for humiliation purposes. Its nice because she's getting the spanking she wants plus the added spice of adrenaline over worrying if the neighbors can hear.

Mikki: I don't get to choose either, but when we have privacy and the kids are gone, I love to be spanked with his hand. It is loud so I can't relax if anyone is around... when there are children present, the hair brush is usually his mode of transportation... getting me where I need to go!

Thanks for having us two weeks in a row!

Our Bottoms Burn: We like toys that make a sound when used, such as light wood paddles that sound like a rifle shot when used in a room with live acoustics. We don't worry about neighbors or children.

We also choose our own toys to be used. That way we get what we want.

Country Spanker: Well my wife's fave is currently the Table tennis bat you can read about that in my blog. For me, the swish of the cane in the air and the sound of leather on skin. The sound of my wife's little moans during spanking are wonderful as well

Daisychain: Hello, Hermione, thanks for hosting the brunch again, I don't remember Bonnie being away for 2 weeks in a row before! Hope she is having a great time.

I don't get to choose, (other than my original stipulation at the beginning of the relationship that the cane was an absolute no-no) nor would I want to!
The sound of the belt snaking through the belt loops as he takes it off, always makes me shiver in apprehension, but other than that, the sound of implements have no effect on me unless I am worried we could be overheard (in which case the whole experience is ruined). It is the pain that has the effect on me!

It doesn't happen often, but I hosted brunch twice in a row on one other occasion.

Lea: The sound of an implement can certainly play into my headspace. As many others have said, the most specific ones that come to mind are the sound of a belt being removed or the swish of the cane. It's truly maddening, in a good way. I don't specifically choose implements for their sound, but those I mentioned do have an effect on me.

R. Humphries: Without question the most evocative and erotic sound for me is the ominous whistle of a beautifully crafted rattan cane slicing through the air on its way to make contact with MBJ’s upturned derriere and then, of course, the satisfying rotund thwack as the slender stick announces its arrival … music, sweet music … thanks for acting as hostess Hermione … Cheers

Anonymous: I recall this subject in school. I think it formed part of my adult situation. A loud crack of the paddle in the hall got everyone's attention.

Bonnie: Thanks, Hermione, for hosting brunch this week and last.

Sound, and in fact all five senses, contribute to a spanking experience. From the crack of a leather crop to the bang of a rigid paddle, each implement brings a unique impact upon the spankee. Some intimidate, some thrill, some shock, and others feel familiar and welcome.

I don't generally get the opportunity to choose, but Randy often matches the tool to the job to be done. For example, a playful spanking typically calls for a light, flexible implement. However, he also plays with my mind sometimes by mixing in sensations I don't expect.

Bonnie, I always have fun hosting brunches, and we're all glad you dropped in.

Conina: Sound is often a factor in what my husband chooses to use - he prefers quieter. The louder it is, the less often he'll use it.

We do have neighbors on the other side of our bedroom wall.

I love the swoosh of the flogger before it hits.

Welcome, Conina!

Mija: Sound is really important to me during a spanking. If something is loud, I perceive it as hurting more than it objectively does. I don't get to choose what gets used, but I tend to think painful things are loud, even when they aren't.

Or maybe that's just me.  

Hermione: Ron's preference for implements is almost entirely governed by the amount of noise they make. He likes large wooden paddles and the dogging bat for just that reason. Hairbrushes and spatulas just aren't loud enough for him. I have to admit I enjoy the loud sounds myself, and it's always fun when Ron uses an assortment of implements, each with its own distinctive timbre. He experiments with various angles to deliver each swat as maximum volume. The swishy dressage whip produces its own special combination of anxiety and anticipation; it's quite similar to the sound of a cane.

Thanks you all for contributing to an interesting discussion. I'll put the extra chairs and dishes away now, because Bonnie will be back next week. 

MBS Spanko Brunch #301

Bonnie is still away, so once again Ron and I are hosting the weekly MBS brunch. My dear husband inspired the subject for this week's discussion.

What effect, if any, does the sound of an implement have on you during a spanking? Do you react differently depending on how much or how little noise an implement makes? What is your preference? Do you ever choose an implement based on the sound it makes?

Once everyone has had a chance to contribute, I will post an edited summary of our discussion.

Friday Fail

There are days we could all use an ass doctor, to give us pain or to relieve it.

Shopping for Erotica

From time to time, I go to my favourite bookstore - it has an erotic fiction section - in search of spanking novels and stories so that I can share them with you each week in my From the Top Shelf feature. I don't always know if I will find spanking stories, but it's usually a good bet that there will be at least one in a short story collection.

I'm no longer embarrassed to purchase such books, so when I got to the cash, I wasn't at all troubled by the cashier's query.

"Are these books any good?"

"Some are; some aren't." I replied.  I wasn't about to give away any secrets, so I didn't elaborate.

"I've always wondered about those books." Really?

I gestured to the collection of short stories I had chosen. "There's usually something that appeals to everyone in one of those."


I thought it odd that someone who worked in the store wouldn't have sampled the section she was curious about, but I left it at that. I should have told her to have a look for herself on her next break. She might be pleasantly surprised.

Wednesday WIN

Why do I feel like having a burrito?

From the Top Shelf - Late Bloomer

Our good friend Erica Scott has written an autobiography that's sure to be a best seller. I just finished reading it, and let me tell you, Erica's life has been full of ups and downs.

Late Bloomer has plenty of spanking in it, but I've chosen something else for today's post, and here's why. Many us spankos share the feeling of being all alone in our spanking desire, and that there is something wrong with us. It's something most of us have struggled with at some point, and the relief that comes with knowing we are not alone is overwhelming. Today I want to share Erica's description of the point in time when she discovered that her spanking interests were not at all abnormal.

Erica has just had her first spanking encounter and unfortunately, it was a disaster.   

I felt embarrassed and ashamed, but worse than that, I was disappointed. Here I thought I was finally going to experience what I'd been fantasizing for about as long as I could remember, and this was how it ended up. After all the buildup and anticipation, the frustration was unbearable. And I couldn't talk about it with anyone. How could I? It was my nasty little secret.

Going back to work the next day sucked. I still felt like hiding, but that wasn't an option. It was hot that Monday and I wore a sleeveless shirt, not realizing that I had finger bruises on my right arm.  My boss commented on them, concerned, and I was mortified. As the day progressed, I felt like this secret was going to burst out of my chest like an alien and if I didn't tell someone, I'd go mad. I called my therapist and left a message, asking her if I could have a phone session when I got home.  Upon my arrival, I found a return message from her, telling me when to call.

I was so shaky, I felt sick. But it knew I had to do this--I had to get it off my chest, out of my head. So I called Susan and with little preamble, I told her everything in a big tumbling torrent. The years of desire and the fantasies, the endless fixation and how I felt stigmatized and apart because of it. Meeting Ken and my encounter with him. And how, despite how poorly it had gone, it left me craving more. What the hell was wrong with me?

Finally, I wound down, grateful this was on the phone because I couldn't have looked her in the face. When she spoke, her voice was incredulous. "That's it? This is the big, terrible secret you had to tell me? Erica, do you have any idea how many women out there have thoughts like this?"

Come again? This was not the reaction I expected. After so many years of thinking I was a freak, here I was confessing it to my shrink--and she was telling me I was normal? That hundreds, thousands of others shared this with me? My brain struggled to wrap around this concept, and tears of relief gushed as we discussed it.  Not only did this person whom I respected and trusted tell me that my desires were okay, she encouraged me to explore further, safely.  I wasn't sure how I was going to do that, but it was nice to have someone grant me permission to do so.

I can assure you Erica figured out how to become an active participant in the spanking world. Buy her book (ordering information here) and read the rest of her fascinating story.

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Oct 16

This week we each had three wishes.

Morningstar:
#1 - a weekend trip to a favourite Bed and Breakfast dungeon.
#2 - endless energy/stamina.
#3 - every toy in the combined toy bags used - and marks that last forever (well more than a few hours).

Six of the Best:
#1 - Spanking my favorite woman
#2 - With a cane on her bare bottom
#3 - Televised all around the world.

Joeyred51:
#1 - A weekend of spanking at a secluded villa.
#2 - Mary Louise Parker, Gwen Paltrow and Ms XXXXXX as the tops.
#3 - A cast iron butt for the weekend.

Abby:
#1 - A whole weekend devoted to spanking at a spanko friendly bread and breakfast.
#2 - The spanking genie turns all of master's wood paddles into leather.
#3 - A shopping spree for free toys!

PK:
#1 - That Nick would think about, and enjoy, spanking as much as I do.
#2 - I wish Nick would think up reasons or excused to spank me several times a week or more.
#3 - I wish mainstream movies and TV show would show spanking scenes regularly!

Lea:
#1 - Teleportation abilities so I could easily get myself around to all my spanking friends and parties. Avoiding TSA is an extra bonus.
#2 - To not bruise so damn easily.
#3 - To be spanked by E.J. from Days of our Lives. Any DOOL watchers here? *swoon*

Daisychain:
#1 - For Davey to get to me in England.
#2 - That he be granted a visa to stay.
#3 - That we have privacy...

The rest will follow quite naturally, without need of magic !
Great question, thanks for hosting brunch, Hermione! xxxxx

It's always my pleasure!

Nerina:
#1 - My husband does what I want him to do without me having to explain what I would like him to do in detail.
#2 - Have a real life friend that enjoys spankings, so I would have somebody to talk to that really understands.
#3 - That I get more spankings than I do now (once every 1-2 months just isn't enough.)

Fizzy:
#1 - Soundproof my apartment.
#2 - Unlimited arm strength for my top.
#3 - (would save this wish for when I change my mind about the unlimited arm strength thing.)

Mija:
#1 - That my friends all lived nearby so we could see them whenever we want.
#2 - That my parents' house would sell so they could live together (and not with me and Paul).
#3 - See the two above -- I don't need anything else.

MarQe's Study:
#1 - I wish I could spank Jennifer Aniston.
#2 - I wish Nigella Lawson would put me across her knee & spank me HARD!
#3 - I wish I could be the Headmaster at a girls finishing school in charge of the 21 year old Debutantes!!
#bonus - I so wish I could spank Amelia Jane Rutherford!! Pretty please? 

Alex Reynolds:
#1 - I agree with Lea: the ability to teleport would be the best!
#2 - Magic sound proofing for any place that I was getting spanked in.
#3 - The ability to magically heal the visual aftereffects of a spanking when it becomes problematic (for shoots, or swimming trips!)

Mikki:
#1 - Soundproof bedroom.
#2 - Follow through.
#3 - I'd be dandy with those 2..

Daisychain can have my extra wish! *hugs*

Dr. Ken:
Happy 300, Bonnie and the Spanko Brunch crew!

Three wishes? Well, as things stand right now, they'd be....
#1 - There's a situation at work that I'd like to see resolved favorably. I'd wish for that.
#2 - Enough money to finally pay off all my bills.
#3 -  And finally, just to keep this "on topic", spank Hermione. :-)

I'm honoured, Dr. Ken!

Ronnie:
#1 - An outdoor spanking.
#2 - Spanked daily.
#3 - Soundproof house.

Fun brunch Hermione. Thanks.

Prefectdt:

Thanks for hosting the 300th brunch. My wishes are.....

#1 - To find a spanking life partner, a good harsh woman with accurate aim and a no nonsense attitude.
#2 - A totally soundproof house, so that I could play at home (soundproofing is popular today).
#3 - A spanko community close by, for more face to face communication.

Cranky Spanker:
#1 - There are way too many spankable bums to pick just one but I always had a thing for Mrs Peel.
#2 - Spanking many women who can not wait for me to spank them.
#3 - A visit to the time warp spa to take off a few decades.

Kiwigirliegirl:
#1 -  A daily spanking for the forseeable future...
#2 -  To have "our place" - a private shed or basement that we use just for punishment.
#3 -  Being dragged off outside by the arm during an argument and spanked OR being told to go to "our place" and wait for him...

Hermione:
#1 - Instead of being virtual, our weekly brunches were real, and we could all be magically transported to Bonnie's kitchen, to talk about our favourite activity while we enjoy each other's company and good things to eat.
#2 - An orgasm caused directly by being spanked.
#3 - An extended trip to subspace.

Susie:
A spank-no should get in on this.

#1 - A paddle rapture. Of course the paddles would all go to paddle heaven where all the spankos could gather them to their heart's content.
#2 - Only good spankings now and forevermore...those ones that leave you with all the right feelings but really don't hurt much at all.
#3 - Daisychain, PK and Mikki can have my last one. Is it cheating to give it to three people?

Susie, #3 is a lovely idea!

Thank you to all who participated. We'll be hosting brunch here again next week, and we hope to see you all again. Have a safe, sane, consensual week!

MBS Spanko Brunch #300

This is the 300th My Bottom Smarts brunch - what an achievement! Bonnie is away this weekend, and she has graciously allowed me to handle the festivities. Let's start by wishing her well; we all hope that Randy will find a way to celebrate this milestone in his usual creative style.

Now for this week's discussion:

You are browsing in a small antique shop. and come across a tarnished brass lamp. In an effort to read the inscription, you rub it, and out pops a genie, who grants you three spanking-related wishes. What would you wish for? 

The sky's the limit, so let your imagination soar. Maybe a certain person to engage in spanking with? An implement or position you've always wanted to try? A trip to a distant location?

I invite you to express your opinion in the form of a comment below. Once everyone has had their chance to respond, I will post an edited summary.

Friday Fail

Last week's fail was a ladies' wardrobe malfunction. This week, we have the male counterpart.

Or do we? These jeans aren't really exposing their wearers' buttocks. The bare bottoms were painted on.

So, WIN or FAIL? Again, I can't decide. Thank you, Sweetpea, for sending me this clever photo.

Converting from Vanilla

While scanning the weekly sales flyers that come with the newspaper, I came across a recipe for Chocolate Chip Black Bottom Cheesecake. It sounded delicious, but I thought the recipe could be tweaked a little.

You've probably heard of red velvet cake; a treat that has an entire bottle of red food colouring added to it to give the finished product a deep red hue. if I made a similar addition to the cheesecake recipe, I could rename it Chocolate Chip Red Bottom Cheesecake.

Does anyone have a cake server handy?

My Favourite Spanking Picture

I have been tagged by several people in the Favourite Spanking Picture Challenge. so here's mine, by Dave Wolfe, and found on DeviantArt.

If you haven't been tagged yet, now's your chance. Please post your all-time favourite spanking picture on your blog.

The Wow Spot

Ron has become quite adventurous lately. Take last Saturday, for example. He was waiting for me in the bedroom, the dressage whip on the bed beside him and the open toybox on the floor at his feet.

"Take your pick," he offered magnanimously.

I found it hard to take my eyes off the whip; obviously he had already made his choice for the afternoon's activities. After rummaging through the contents of the box, I selected a wooden spoon and my favourite leather paddle. Ron nodded his approval and took them from me so I could prepare my bottom for the inevitable.

When I was suitably unclothed and in position over the end of the bed, the fireworks began. First the wooden spoon, administered in a rapid staccato pattern of left, right, left, right. Too fast, too hard, I thought, as I always do at the beginning of a spanking, but I said nothing except "ow!" and kept still.

Ron picked up the dressage whip next, but I quickly said, "Not yet. I'm not warmed up enough," so he relinquished his hold on it and took up the paddle instead. I waited for the hard thud of the flat surface on my bottom. And waited. And waited. I looked back and saw Ron smiling at me. He was messing with my mind.

Finally he got down to business, and a new and different pattern emerged. Instead of left, right, left, right, it was left, right, centre, left, right, centre - the centre being the middle of the spot where my bottomcheeks meet my thighs. The sweet spot? It was the ouch spot to me, and I told him so repeatedly. Every third swat elicited at least one loud "Ow!" and sometimes more.

"What did you say?" Ron asked. not pausing for an answer.

"Ow! I said 'ow!' Ow!"

"Was that 'Ow' or 'Wow'?"

"Not 'Wow', 'Ow'."

Ron wasn't listening. "I found your Wow spot!" he said delightedly, and made sure he gave it a lot of extra but quite unnecessary attention.

By the time my husband switched to the dressage whip that had been postponed earlier, I was almost glad. Anything to give my Wow spot some relief.The whip is such a stingy implement that although I had been able to hold my position earlier, I couldn't avoid displaying my displeasure at the force and speed of the strokes. I cautiously inched my way sideways along the foot of the bed, trying to get out of range. Ron had to reach farther, and then started to follow me in my futile escape attempt. We both stopped when I reached the far edge, and I had to stand up and walk back to my starting position.

The whip was too slender and flexible to connect with the Wow spot, so it danced on my bottom, thighs and calves, with intermittent whooshings as Ron swished it back and forth through the air near my head, enjoying the characteristic sound it made. I stoically endured its harsh caress, and became silent, struggling for control. Ron noticed, and tickled my ear with the tip of the implement. I exhaled and giggled. To my great relief we finished off with more of the spoon and the paddle.

"I'm glad I found your Wow spot," Ron said as he hugged me. He couldn't get enough of his new joke.

"I'll bet you are," I grumbled as I accepted his and returned his embrace.

I wonder whether Ron has been studying my spanking reference books in his spare time.

From the Top Shelf - Forgiveness

When I began reading "Forgiveness"* by Craig J. Sorensen I wasn't sure if I would find any blog-worthy spanking in it, but there were several encouraging signs along the way.

The two characters first meet in a grocery store:

Von's eyes lingered on the curve of her butt in tight faded blue jeans.  He let out a sigh. She swirled her head back and caught him. She gave a broad smile as Von's eyes met hers.

...

Von looked down her left arm; one eye took her ring finger and surveyed a rock that could bend an oak branch. Like a lizard, his other eye revisited the shape of her butt. Perfect.

And divorced. They agree to have dinner at a restaurant, where:

The waitress was a lithe gazelle of a woman with bright red hair caught in a pony tail and cool white skin. Von avoided his compulsions through the appetizer and the better part of the main course, but his eyes finally betrayed him after she came for the dessert order. The waitress' bottom danced beneath a smooth, shiny black skirt. Von's eyes snapped back to Madeline's. Apologetically, he turned his eyes down to the empty table. When he looked back up, Madeline grinned. "Yours is nicer, Madeline."

And after the meal, as they left the restaurant:

He lingered at the door he had opened and watched her butt dance away.

Another meal at another restaurant:

He let out a Dizzy Gillespie sigh as her rounded butt disappeared toward the restroom.

The morning after their first night together:

Her bare back angled to a valley that rose up to the two perfect peaks of her butt covered in the silver top sheet. He gripped the sheet in his toes and slowly pulled them down until only her left calf was covered. She was more perfect than he had imagined.

He's definitely a butt man. But is Von also a spanking man?

He gripped her legs up to hips and squeezed her butt tightly... He released one hand from her butt and stretched his fingers wide. He exhaled and bit his lip. He returned to softly stroke her soft butt cheek.

Yes, yes, I think he is! But the time isn't right - yet. They talk outside her house. She is bitter and angry over her ex-husband's infidelity:

I don't know how to let it go."

Von got a creepy feeling -- suddenly in the eye of a hurricane, its heavy green air comforting but with a silent menace. "So channel it," his heart throbbed.

"Into what?"

"Have you ever acted?"

"Yeah, in school, why?" She replied.

"You can't do it to him, so find a surrogate."

"What kind of surrogate?" Her face compressed.

Von's heart pounded like a jackhammer. "Someone to punish, let out your frustration on."

"You think it will work?"

"Why not."

"What do you have in mind?"

There were so many ways to go, and Von knew them all. He'd used a paddle, a yard stick, even a whip. Bend them over a desk or a table, leaning against a counter, wrists gripped to heels. Clad in leather, cotton, lace and linen. But the best had always been a lava red hand on a ripening bare bottom, draped across an enforcing lap. The classics never go out of style.

Von convincingly played the part of a randy spouse recently caught. He unhitched his jeans and bent over her lap. Madeline's tiny hand stretched wide and clapped across his bottom, and a small shudder of emotion blasted from her like a controlled explosion of live ordinance [sic], then her hand cut loose.  Von grimaced. Madeline gasped at the stiffness that grew against her lap. She spanked him harder, as the inner wall of the hurricane struck, a torrent drained from her eyes. Von's butt burned with champagne sparkles...

But wait! There's more. After some enthusiastic coupling, they go outside where an argument ensues. When his anger reaches a peak, she blurts:

"I've been a bad girl, haven't I?"

We are left to imagine what follows as they disappear into the house.
 

* From The Mammoth Book of Best New Erotica, Volume 8.

You Completed the Caption

Here's what was in the newspaper:

Simon: Hermione was shocked to discover the law that stated that husbands had to spank their wife at least once a day had actually been repealed in 1840.

It appeared that the policeman had been wrong when he said that spankings for driving offences was mandatory in her area.

Duality: All the paddles you can carry for $30?!?! Time to head to the Spank-Emporium.

Spanking Desire: 'New Law: Mandatory Spankings for All Housewives Every 30 Minutes'

Six of the Best: What a headline. "Mission Accomplished. President Obama, spanks Sarah Palin. Bare bottom justice meted out."

vfat25000: I think Mildred just realized the letter to Dear Abby from “My Wife Needs Spanked” was from her husband Chuck.

Her two sons, Frankie & Rusty finally perfected their electric buzzer chair after successfully testing it on Mom.

Mildred’s Extra Strength Laxative “Turbo Lax” kicked in at the Drivers License Agency about four hours earlier than expected.

Prudence Potwater was a bit astonished to see her husband Arnie in the picture of the Police Raid at Madame Spanky’s House of Naughty Ladies

My Goodness Gracious…They raised the price of a cup of coffee at Pickle’s Diner to a nickel…!

Guess who just found out that her daughter is an underwear model for J C Penny’s?

PK: A two for one paddle sale! I have to get this paper out before he sees it!

Ronnie: Gloria couldn't believe what she was reading. The local store offering a buy one get one free on her favourite sherry.

Gloria couldn't believe the government had bought in a new law allowing husbands to spank their wives at least one a week. She wouldn't be voting for them in the coming election.

Sophie: She was shocked to read the headline:

MOTHER SPANKED BY DAUGHTER!

Mikki: OMGoodness... who told... and worse yet who took the picture of me and my HOH, he was spanking me and someone has outed us!! OHHH... S is going to be so mad when he sees this... and somehow it will probably be my fault!

Bobbie Jo: Obama's Comeuppance: Former President Clinton takes Obama in hand with a razor strap for White House shenanigans.

Sweetpea: Mrs. Haskell was shocked to read that Ward Cleaver had been arrested for spanking his wife, June.

Bonnie: "Ow! I'm going to have to read the newspaper standing up."

Lea: Headline reads "A Bottom Has Been Declared Right. In Other News, Hell Has Frozen Over!"

Sarah Thorne: Just saw the full page ad her husband took out describing exactly what he was going to do to her when he got home from work.....

Hermione: 'Four out of five dentists recommend daily brushing to reduce cavities.' I'm so glad hubby always uses the hairbrush when he spanks me. 


Thank you for joining us this weekend; I hope you'll return for more fun with captions next week. To all my fellow Canadians, have a very happy Thanksgiving.

Complete the Caption

Something in the newspaper has surprised this reader. What could the story be about? What secret has a reporter exposed? What was the headline?

Complete the caption by leaving a comment, and I will publish your submissions - complete with byline - in the next post.

Friday Fail

I really wasn't sure about calling this picture a FAIL. It could very well be classified as a WIN, depending on your personal preference.

Which do you think it is?

Ass Bats

"What do you want for Christmas?" My considerate husband asked me on October 1.

It was too early for me to want to think about all the hassle that accompanies the festive season, never mind the inevitable snow and ice. But one subject is never far from my mind, so I gave him a thoughtful grin and he immediately got the message.

"No ass bats," he declared. "We have more than enough ass bats. They won't all fit in the toy box."

"I was thinking leather. We have enough wood, but we could use more leather."

"We have leather."

"Not much. How about a nice leather paddle?" I was warming to the subject now, and more possibilities came to mind. "I'd like to try a cane. Or a carpet beater would be nice."

I hope Ron is going to write down my helpful suggestions. Maybe I should send him a few links to implement sites and let him know what size and colour would fit my bottom best.