TTWD at the ATM

Unsuspecting men are accused of a "spank and run" in this prank video. It's not obvious at the beginning that the young ladies involved are in on the gag.

Beyonce's is Better

I didn't know Beyonce was a spanking blogger. Bonnie, you'd better include her in your next In with the New.

Do this to your blog too, here.

Guess the Implement - the Reveal

You guys were too clever for me! I thought this would fool everyone, but many of you guessed that it's a wine bottle holder. This one happens to be from Australia, but it seems they are common everywhere.

Thanks for playing the guessing game.

Guess the Implement

It's been a while since I showed you a pervertible and asked you to guess what it was used for in its vanilla incarnation.

This one's a little different. There's no obvious handle, but a man's hand could grip it without too much difficulty. It's related to food and beverages, but could be found in any room of the house.

What do you think it is? My Australian readers might have a slight edge in this competition. (That's a hint.)

Please leave your guess as a comment, and I'll post the answer in a day or two.

Good luck!

How Can You Tell?

Dave of The Cherry Red Report recently posted a clever cartoon by Dave Wolfe, of an egg being fried on a red-hot, freshly-spanked bottom.

Charlie's comment on the cartoon was this:

"...I noticed that manager at a local Denny's restaurant using some sort of thermometer gun to measure the temperature of the griddle, frying cooking oil, soup pots, salad compartments, etc.


I wonder if that could be used "before" and "after" aimed at a bare bottom?"

That started me thinking. Perhaps you could use a thermometer to test for hotness, and use technology to tell when a spanking was "well-done". After some research on my favourite kitchen supply site, I found a few thermometers that might do the trick.


Press the tip of this digital thermometer gently against the buttock to be tested. Temperature will display in only five seconds.



This thermometer rests directly on the bottom, and will detect temperatures between 175 and 600 degrees F. You'll know when your sit spots have been seared.



This probe-style thermometer will tell you when your buns are well-done, an essential outcome in any spanking.

First Prize from Recidavist

Before he took a summer break from blogging, Recidavist sponsored a quiz. He invited his readers to vote on who they thought deserved a good spanking. I entered the contest and jokingly nominated my alter ego, Hermione Granger.

Now Recidavist has resumed blogging, and announced that I was the lucky (or unlucky) winner of the contest. This is what I won:




Ron didn't wait till bedtime to deal with me. This letter arrived on Sunday, so he took advantage of our regular spanking date.

He was kind enough to ask me what implement I wanted. From my position at the foot of the bed, I looked up and saw my friend the dogging bat hanging from the bedpost, so I said, "The one on top." Ron walked to the head of the bed and returned carrying not the dogging bat but Black Beauty, the black leather strap. Oops. I hadn't seen it hiding behind the bedpost.

It was too late to protest. The strap connected solidly with my cheeks in rapid succession. Ow! This was no fun; it hurt! I seriously considered asking Ron to stop, or maybe squirming out of position, but told myself firmly that I would start to enjoy it any minute now.

After a sound paddling and some very nice stroking, Ron decided to take advantage of my position in another way. But it seemed that my body wasn't ready yet, and he was having difficulty.

"You need some lube," I suggested.

"Right." But instead of going to the drawer for a tube of lubricating gel, he resumed his swats to my posterior.

"Ow! That's not what I meant!" I buried my face in the blankets as he did his best to get my body into a more cooperative state. That's when I got the giggles. The whole situation struck me as being a funny misunderstanding and I laughed and squeaked as the leather strap continued to do its work.

When Ron finally stopped, my bottom was hot and tingling, and other areas were also more than ready for his renewed attempt. By the end of the afternoon, we both felt that we had won first prize.

Kink for all Occasions

I found these cards not in an adult toy store but in a drugstore, a supermarket, and a card shop. The text inside was unremarkable, but I can't say the same for the pictures on the outside.

Spanking Blog Featured on Afternoon Radio

Yesterday I was in the car, listening to a program on CBC Radio One while running an errand at lunchtime. The host, Shelagh Rogers, was speaking with Hal Niedzviecki, author of The Peep Diaries:How We're Learning to Love Watching Ourselves and Our Neighbours. I thought the interview would be about Twitter, but imagine my surprise when Hal mentioned one of our blogging friends, padme of Journey to the Darkside.

He described her blog and how it combines details of ordinary daily life with descriptions of oral sex, spankings, and life as a slave. Hal expressed concern that she was providing a lot of personal details that might possibly reveal her identity, but said padme's argument was that anyone who visited her blog would also be implicated by their interest in spanking and so forth, and that was her protection. He also noted that in her case, since she lived in the suburbs, didn't drive or have many friends, and her husband had a full-time job, her blogging life, and the friends who visited daily to watch the videos of her spankings, were her main focus and her reality. (I suppose many of us feel that way to a greater or lesser extent.)

I realized that most of the information was somewhat familiar, and sure enough, this was the same author who had written about padme in an article for the Canadian magazine, The Walrus. Here's the article; scroll down to find padme's portion.

Congratulations, padme. You're famous!

Finish this Fantasy

In a recent issue of Cosmopolitan magazine I saw a feature called "Finish this Fantasy". You and your special someone read a card with a brief scenario written on it, then the two of you finish the fantasy, either verbally or by acting it out.

I've taken one of the fantasies that seems especially applicable to TTWD, and encourage you to finish it, either here as a comment, or on your own blog. And feel free to act it out if you and your partner are so inclined.

You are getting dressed for a big night out and you look incredible. As I admire you from head to toe, I notice a silk tie draped over the doorknob behind you, and I get a very naughty idea. I pick up the tie, then I lead you to a chair. Gently I lower you onto it and ...

Finish this fantasy!

Home Renovation for Spankos

We were walking through the local home improvement store and passed a display of bargain merchandise near the checkout. The sign on one bin caught my eye. It said:

Debbie Travis Floggers
$1.98

What? I scurried over to have a look at the decorating diva's latest merchandise. Was this something to accompany her latest book on dungeon decorating?



They're only paintbrushes. And not very stiff ones at that. Nevertheless, when I got home I searched online for some of her decorating tips and found this little gem for refurbishing a door. The good bits are in red.

Faux Wood-grained Door

Tools And Materials Needed

• 1" paint brush
• Softener
• Flogger
• 2" natural bristle brush
• Low-tack tape
• Latex glazing liquid
• 5 Shades brown latex paint, satin
• Water-based varnish, satin, tinted w/burnt umber

Getting Started

1. Prime the door with high adhesion primer. Let dry
2. Basecoat with 2 coats of dark, chicory brown latex paint.
3. Each part of the door must be taped off and painted separately for the woodgrain to look authentic.
4. Collect 4 different brown glazes: a yellow brown, a red brown, and 2 mid brown shades. Mix them each with a bit of glaze Ò about 1 part glaze to 1 part glaze.
5. With a 1" paintbrush dab the lightest colour over the taped off surface in random patches. Always brush in just 1 direction. Then fill in more empty spots with the red brown glaze. Continue with the lighter of the 2 mid-browns, and finish off by filling any remaining holes with the darker brown.
6. While the colours are still wet, soften and blend the colours slightly with a softener, brushing up and down at a very slight angle. The wood grain should not be perfectly vertical, but just ever so slightly off.
7. Using a flogger, or a brush with coarse, long bristles, slap the bristles against the surface to break it up a bit, moving downwards as you hit, along the very same angle you created with the softener. This will create subtle woodgrain lines. Let dry thoroughly.
8. Tint a small container of water-based, satin finish varnish with a bit of burnt umber pigment, and brush it over the top with a natural bristle brush. This will add depth and soften any harshness in the woodgrain technique below, as well as protect your work.

Of course, you don't need to follow the instructions exactly as written. Just use your imagination.

Can you do both at the same time?

Last night Ron and I were having some fun in the kitchen. I put my arms around him for a hug. He squeezed me tight, but kept his arms firmly around my waist. I waited, and when they didn't wander any lower, I reached back and tried to push his hands toward my bottom. His grip tightened, then he tapped me gently on the back of the head.

"Hey, don't whack my head," I protested. "That's not my erogenous zone."

"Yes it is."

"No it isn..." I stopped in mid-sentence. He was absolutely right. My enjoyment of spanking and all bum-centric activities originate in my head.

Then Ron relented and gave me some light pats, alternating between my head and my bottom. I laughed, and had an idea.

"Let's see if you can pat my head and rub my bum at the same time." I'm not really sure if he succeeded or not, but he tried his best until the oven timer sounded and we had to stop because dinner was ready.

More Topping

Cake-topping, that is. Did you think I meant the other kind?


Here are three more amazing cake toppers that say "spank me" so very clearly. I love the lady in red's pleased expression and rosy bottom. The white girl isn't quite as happy. And Rover is just waiting for someone to occupy his lap.


In case you missed it, here's the previous post about wedding cake toppers.

Beat the Singer

Someone recently told me this interesting bit of trivia. Did you know that the great choirs in England - like King's College Cambridge - have people assigned as beaters?

My imagination got the better of me as I pictured the beaters in action. They would be ever vigilant, always prepared to spank a soprano for singing sharp, or to cane a countertenor for singing flat. They would belt any bass who sang too loud and tawse the tenors who were late with an entry.

No, that isn't what beaters really do. They unobtrusively indicate the beat of the music, so that everyone stays together. As you can see from the photo above, the choir is arranged in rows facing one another, so they look at the beater on the opposite side for signals.

Still, it was an interesting possibility.

Second Thoughts about the Hairbrush

You may recall from a previous post I have had my doubts about the hairbrush and its inability to make much of an impression on my bottom. So we tried the the backward approach, and here's what happened.

I was in position along the length of the bed, a single pillow tucked under my tummy. Ron slid open the drawer and shuffled the implements. He picked up the dogleg brush and I moaned involuntarily. He put it down, groped a bit more, then retrieved his current favourites: the red slapper and the hairbrush.

"Perfect," I said. This would be my chance to test my theory. "Wood first."

Ron didn't waste any time. He reached for the brush and knelt beside me. I held my breath and braced myself for the impact.

Smack! It was hard, loud and right on target. And so were the dozen or so swats that followed. Why had I doubted that the hairbrush could do the job? Ow! Why had I encouraged Ron not to hold back? Ow! Each stroke produced some sort of verbal protest from me, and I couldn't keep still.

I told myself that this was exactly what I had wanted while I kicked and squirmed after each hard whack. After a little break for some very nice stroking, I jumped and groaned at the resumption of swats. The brush was still doing a fine job, although it didn't hurt quite as much.

Ron put the brush down and I felt the bed move as he shifted his position. What was he doing? He shoved my legs apart and knelt between them. I didn't like to think what sort of view I was presenting back there. Luckily I didn't have long to worry about it because the slapper hit my bottom with a loud crack.

My little red friend sounded louder than ever, and I can't say I felt much. After the bite of the brush, its tiny sting was barely noticeable. No matter. The loud slapping was hypnotic and I rolled my hips to meet each stroke.

Ron set the slapper down and explored the area between my legs. He could tell I had enjoyed the spanking so far. He continued his caresses and I relaxed, then suddenly stiffened as I heard - and felt - another pair of swats on my backside. Ron was wielding the slapper with his left hand while pleasuring me with his right. This was a rare treat and I gave myself fully to the sensations...

So I now have new respect for the wooden hairbrush. It's great as long as we skip the warmup.

Spanking While U Wait

What if you had to walk past this little establishment every day on your way to work? Would you peek through the window for a better look? Would you stand across the street and watch for someone to go in or come out? Would you leave home a few minutes early so you could drop in to ask about prices? Or would you decide to stop in after a long, stressful day?

Glrzclniq br nvchwpo scrmm

Last year we went to see Bob Dylan in concert. Neither of us has ever been a big fan of his, but - as the newspapers reminded us - it was a chance to see an icon.

The experience was memorable, and not in a good way. We were prepared for him to be a little difficult to understand, and some of his words did sound remarkably similar to the title of this post.

But one of his early videos inspired me to put together this subtle hint for Ron. Sometimes saying it in writing is better than talking.

Or in Dylan's case, better than singing.

Attitude

This post is dedicated to all those men who find themselves on the receiving end.







What do you think encouraged these three men to be so thoughtful and considerate?

More Vanilla Kinkiness

The twisted vanilla girls are at it again. And this time it looks like these young ladies are waiting to see the principal about their hi-jinks.

Guess which one is in for some extra strokes for being out of uniform?

(I previously posted about some other twisted vanilla girls here.)

Spanking John Cleese

This morning I received an email from John Cleese (of Monty Python fame). I have been getting these emails on an irregular basis for a few years now, and they're usually full of nonsense and fun, but this one was the best yet. The subject line was Spanking, Shirts and Non-sequiturs, and I wondered why a spanking email had arrived at my vanilla account.

Here's the spanking part of the message, for your enjoyment:

Hello from Team Lemur!


John has asked us, his loyal minions, to write on his behalf this month. He says that he's working hard on his new script and that you'd be kind and understand. He went on to explain that he is a creative man, making him prone to random bursts of unavailability. He told us to maintain his highest standards or we'd be flogged. We'll try not to disappoint.


Spanking the Non-Sequiturian


Now that summer holidays are coming to a close for many of you, are you feeling particularly non-sequiturian? Do you awake disjointed from your slumber with an overwhelming desire to shout "Nougat-pilfering cheese-cretins!" and then immediately wonder how your plants are?


If you've answered "yes" to this question, you are not alone. In fact, right now on The Spanking New John Cleese Forum there is a veritable horde gathering to share non-sequiturs. The community is playing along in a quest to remain true to the rules of the game, whilst teetering dangerously on the edge of being Tourette's candidates.


The Spanking New John Cleese Forum is a marvelous place filled with lovely people, who, despite being utter lunatics, are quite a lot of fun. Though some have remarked that "the people in Michael Palin's forum are much more polite," we steadfastly encourage you to seek out the warm embrace of the spanking denizens. we are certain that they would genuinely love to welcome you to their bosom.

Here's the link to the forum, if you're interested. What I like best about it is the name: http://www.cleeseblog.com/Vanilla/

So is it about spanking or not?

Cleese also produced a very funny and helpful video called Meetings, Bloody Meetings, about how not to conduct a meeting at the office. While it's a bit dated now, the message is still right on the money. I wonder if he might consider making a similar video about the correct way to administer a spanking, by demonstrating how not to give one.

Spanking Backward

We recently had another session with our current favourites - the red slapper and the hairbrush. The slapper always makes such a lot of lovely noise, and produces a reasonable sting. Then the hairbrush...

The hairbrush doesn't seem to do it for me. I thought it was supposed to be a fearsome implement, small and hard and capable of quite a sting. But I wasn't feeling much other than dull thuds. I even shifted from elbows and knees to a flatter position on my tummy so my bottom would be more evenly accessible. That helped to some extent, but I started to wonder if I had developed *buns of steel.

I noticed afterward that the brush had made my bottom very red, but I wondered about the lack of sting. An hour or so later, I asked Ron if he had been holding back.

"Yes," he admitted. "It's pretty heavy. I'm afraid of hurting you."

"Don't be. That's why we use it second, after a warmup, so it doesn't hurt as much."

Later that evening the burn set in, and a day later I could still feel it, so the brush must have done something. I told Ron I was sore so that he could give me a little sympathy and a gentle rub. I got the rub, but no sympathy.

"I beat your ass with a hairbrush. That would account for it."

Since then I've been thinking. Ron always asks if I want the hairbrush first, and I say no. But maybe if he reverses the order, it will make more of an immediate impression on me. Then the slapper on my tenderized bottom might also be ouchier.

Inquiring minds want to know. I feel a scientific experiment coming on.

*No danger of that. I checked, and they're still as wobbly as ever.

Better than Flowers

I was reorganizing my desk drawers and came across this cute birthday card that I received from Ron last year.



Inside, the greeting was everything I could have wished for on my birthday.



That man knows what I like!